SYRACUSE03 Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Some of you are familiar with my posts so if you don't and have the time to take a quick peek it's much appreciated. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t136396/ Well...on Wednesday, I sent the ex an e-mail at work wondering why the cold shoulder (last few weeks), after some very good weeks, and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving. I knew that she probably wouldn't get it until today since she leaves work early for the holidays. I am not going to be nasty and rude but I am not going to put my tail between my legs either. She didn't have to respond, but she did first thing this morning. Anyway, she sent an e-mail back stating that she doesn't think she's been cold. She's went away to visit family and that she was busy at work the next week. She also stated that she was "giving us both the time we deserve". Her e-mail wasn't bad at all. She asked me about my Thanksgiving and about my family which was nice. I did respond back and sent her a respectful e-mail with my thoughts. Nothing about the relationship, just about that she doesn't have the time to respond to earlier e-mails and texts. I'm not an idiot with the "time, space, etc." lingo but I'm wondering (in a confident way). I actually feel stronger today for some reason. Anyway, I'm just curious on how to proceed from here. I want her to notice me but I want to go about it the right way. I have not seen her since 10/30 and my appearance and attitude has changed for the better. My confidence rose when she responded and all I wish to do is keep building on it. Any suggestions...I'm all ears. I apologize for being all over the board. Thanks!
FindingMyselfAgain Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Hey cuz, I don't know what to tell you about your situation. My ex-fiancee just got hooked on crack cocaine with her new boyfriend, so my advice might kill your girl. LOL
quankanne Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 if she doesn't feel her manner toward you has been cold, chances are she's really not giving the relationship much thought … perhaps you should do likewise, and keep your responses casual. In manner and in frequency. She'll either wonder what the heck's going on or she'll be grateful that you're not pushing things.
oppath Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 bad news if a casual, neutral if not ambivalent response from her boosts your confidence. What happens if she is cold? Does your confidence nose dive?
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Thanks for the responses. What I meant by my confidence level increasing was just a personal thing. And yes, it has nose dived when she was cold. In my eyes, I felt that she was cold because of the first extended period of not contacting me. I'm growing ever so slightly stronger everyday and even a little bit helps. I've been mulling over all of the bad things that went wrong and it was just a slight ego boost that she actually had an articulate response and not just a one liner. She did not have to tell me everything she did since the last time we spoke but she did. Maybe I'm looking at it different but however this thing ends, I want to keep it peaceful...for my sanity. No use resenting her, what good what that do me? quankanne - I will do both. There is no reason to re-hash the past or push things. My goal is just to get her to notice so she at least thinks about the relationship. If I can do that, at least I did my part, no matter what happens. I guess that's what raises my confidence. Thanks for posting...I appreciate everyones input!
adam S Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 i think shes giving you bs excuses for not responding...if your confidence is up and you feel ok i would just give it up...cause sooner or later she might say somthing to know you down and u will feel worst then before...give it time and work on your life or something...thats wut i would do..but then again im the kind of person that when its done its done and im not going to waste my time tryin to fix it espechilly if she dumped me or w/e
Racquel Colette Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I know you don't want to hear this but she is no longer your girlfriend and asking her "why the cold shoulder?" when she is no longer your girlfriend is out of line. When you put it that way, you act like she owes you her time and effort of communication which she doesn't. She is obviously not that into you anymore and has moved on. I would suggest that you move on, too, and the best way to do that is by not communicating with her and harrassing her about why she isn't communicating with you anymore. Move on with your life without her. She has moved on. As far as it being peaceful, it is very peaceful when you have absolutely no contact. Very.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Racquel...why the harsh words? I didn't exactly use "cold shoulder" but I did come across as such. I don't mind your honesty but I've never harassed her once. If you read my earlier posts, she has been receptive to things after we had broken up and also initiated things. That's where my questioning fell. My question to her was not out of line. It's OK for her to plan a weekend getaway, the come over for dinner a week later and the fade off into the sunset? Sorry I questioned her but after 4 1/2 years, I do believe that I've earned the right to receive some respect from her, even if it's after the breakup. Just because she is not my g/f does not give her the right to "use" me. When I read your post, I see that you condone what she has done and just "move on". I am trying to do that day by day but maybe I'm not as good as you are with it. I will get there eventually. ADAM S - I agree, I'm not looking to push it to get knocked back down again. I'm sure it's BS but I would like to think different. Thanks!
Racquel Colette Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 She is respecting you. You can't expect an ex to reply just because you want them to. Look, do yourself a favor and cut her out of your life. She is moving farther and farther away, she simply isn't attached at all to you anymore and you are to her or you wouldn't be freaking when she decides not to reply to an email. There is no point in remaining in contact, she's a moved on to greener pastures.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 You are right, I am still attached/attracted to her. Everyday I try harder and harder to cut the ties and "move on". Is it difficult, absolutely. I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes. Maybe I haven't come to terms with no contact since I see her mother all the time and she gives me a kiss and says "hello" (tonight). I see the dog, the furniture, everything...so I admit it...she got to me and I'm having a tough time. That's why I'm here. My goal was to try and figure out why things like this happen and how I can prevent it in the future. As for moving farther and farther away, I do see it but she was pretty close a few weeks ago and that's what made me wonder. As for "freaking" out because I didn't hear from her, I didn't. Was I disappointed and a upset, yes. One weekend, she wants to spend time with me, call me, go away with me and text. The following week she's a different person. Of course it threw me for a loop. I guess everyone is different and maybe I'll learn the hard way. Maybe she has moved on to greener pastures and all you suggest is basically write her out of my life completely which I am not ready to do. I have accepted that the relationship is over and I have tried some things that people have suggested. I have seen a mixed bag of results so that's why I posed the question to her. I appreciate everyones time reading this. Thanks.
alwayshurt Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 hey man, you have asked for advices and people have been giving them to you. Take them as they are, don't try to turn them the way you would like hear. Just do what your heart tells you to do. Everybody here has gone through what you are and, based on your post, the evidences point to one direction. I agree with all have been said. She is been respectful to you and nothing else. If she was into you, you would know it by now and you wouldn't be asking all these whatifs. Just be realistic.... The fact that you have posted means that you are not sure yourself what she may feel for you. If you want to persue go for it but be ready for any possible rejection. good luck.
Author SYRACUSE03 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 alwayshurt - thanks for the post. I'm not trying to turn something to how I want it to be. I am confused, hurt and that's why I'm here. If I knew what to do, I'd do it. If I knew what to say, I'd say it. I'm stubborn and I always have looked for answers even though I may not or never get them. I appreciate everyones post and sometimes I get defensive because most of what I read is "move on" "no contact" "get over it", etc. I truly enjoyed your post because it's straightforward. I never had anyone just walkaway so the whole concept bothered me. As for her feelings, I know they are there but I do know that they are strong enough. My heart tells me to do anything possible but in reality, I'm just setting myself up for rejection. I know that. Maybe it is time to come to terms with it and give up. I don't want to waste anyones time waiting to hear something that I want to hear. Like I said before, it's just tough. I appreciate your thoughts and I have no idea what my heart tells me anymore. Thanks again.
Recommended Posts