samsungxoxo Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I have a very hard ''I'm sorry'', seriously I don't like aplogizing. I know I have a problem and now I know why. I know it originated somewhere in my early childhood years (I wouldn't even say anything if I even accidently bumped into someone)and still does now that I'm 20 years old,obviously less than when I was a kid but it's still there. I know it's me having pride and putting it first than people's emotions most of the time and being so embarass about admitting me being wrong, I don't like feeling inferior (it's like I feel like that person I'm apologizing will look down at me or is laughing within or feels superior). I hardly ever say it and if I do, I say it with great difficulty. I was wondering if I would ever be cure from this. If so how long will it take? What I don't really know is why did this originated within me, or what caused it?
Leia Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 What was it like growing up with your family? Did your parents not instill in you when you were younger? You mentioned it originated in your early childhood.... you mean not saying "I'm sorry"?
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 What was it like growing up with your family? Did your parents not instill in you when you were younger? You mentioned it originated in your early childhood.... you mean not saying "I'm sorry"? It was ok, not the perfect family but the norm. That's the thing, I don't know why this originated in my childhood years. My father at one point was beginning to instill it on me but stopped and there wasn't any more reinforcement. My mother did hardly anything about it (she kept saying that at least she does admit when she's wrong, that maybe I should be seeking a therapist). She was like ''No that, can't be normal, you need help'' and I would deny it till the end. My father is kinda like that sometimes, he doesn't always admit when his wrong. He say it once that he's a proud person. At times I would noticed he would try his defense mechanisms, so I guess that must be part of why this orginated within. If not, then I don't know why.
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 Or it must be genetics. My dad has an older sister that's like that too. She hardly ever apologize when she hurts people.
sb129 Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I used to be like that alot more than I am now. I found peace with myself, and to some extent advice on LS saying that "saying sorry isn't a sign of weakness" helped too. I am much more likely to back down now and apologise. Maybe its a maturity/ life experience thing? I am so much more relaxed and happy with myself than I was when i was 20- I am 30 now.
Leia Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Normally, how you are as a person comes from your upbringing or surroundings. My parents are big on being polite, courteous, friendly and apologetic... I say sorry too many times sometimes! Do you friends or people around you have problems with this? Do your friends say anything to you? What made you start this thread.... did something happen?
Author samsungxoxo Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 Do you friends or people around you have problems with this? Do your friends say anything to you? What made you start this thread.... did something happen? No not that I know of. My friends don't know me that well so no they haven't say anything and I don't think they would care that much either. I started this thread b/c I realize this a problem that I been ignoring for about 12-13 years of my life, I was in total denial.
suffragette13 Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Regret and being able to admit fault and apologize is a sign of strength. It's being able to accept personal responsibility for pain one causes others. That's why it is difficult to do. My ex isn't helping me heal by displaying any remorse for his actions and it really sucks. Maybe it started in his family of origin but you know, he's (somewhat) an adult now. Acknowledging fault is a gift you give yourself, it's a way of exerting some control over a painful situation. If you know you can do something better or make some kind of reparation, then at least the pain/guilt isn't a horrible meaningless event. Good luck with that.
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