beansaregood Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 well...im hugely attracted to my best friend. we sleep together and kiss every now and then buts its strictly plutonic. She gets around a bit and always tells me about her relationships. she just recently broke up with her bf again. and she decided to go out on the drink. I get a phone call at 3 am her calling me saying shes outside. We then go to bed and she makes a move on me. I say "no" because shes wasted and really vulnerable. but she keeps moving on me. I was a virgin and was so attracted to her that in the end i couldnt resist. we had sex and in the morning i asked her if she regretted it and she said "no". but shes been a bit wierd with me and says she still is thinking about her bf because hes a cunt. Later on today i realise that the condom slipped off and we had unprotected sex. she said she had her period that day, but i heard she could still get pregnant. I didnt ejactulate in her, but i know theres still a risk. Im worried that she could be pregnant? i want to tell her this but im worried that if i do it could ruin my chances of being with her. Shall i just leave it and let things take thier course? or shall i tell her what i want? she said she wanted me but i dont know if she means it. she also talks about how many children we will have when we get married and all this crap, and i dont want to lose her. i was thinking of saying to her shall we just forget it. im just so confused any suggestions will be greatful. ben...australia
KittenMoon Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Le sigh. I'm going to be brutally honest and tell you that you suffer from the "Knight in Shining Armor" syndrome. Basically, you sound like a pretty nice guy who does whatever he can for the scraps of affection and attention from the self-absorbed, needy, attention-seeking princess. And not matter how she treats you, you continue to "save" her, or find a way to explain around her cruddy behavior. This is obviously not a real friendship, and it's not a real relationship either. And it will likely get messier at some point, sooner or later. If you just want a girl who "needs" you (this is NOT the same as love) then stay the course- if you want a true, respectful relationship, you are not going to find it here.
adam S Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Hey bud, You do sound like a real nice guy as stated above or below or w/e, anyway im a little dissappointed that you didn't notice that the condom slipped off but its ok it was ur first time. On that note Congrats ur a man now...hope it was all u expected it to be. Now personally what i would do is....if you really like this chick as a friend but she doesnt give you the time of day i would try to treat it a a break up..u need to get rid of those feelings if shes not feeling you like that because u may get hurt down the road. as for sleeping with her...i wouldnt because if shes bouncing around between other guys and you...she could end up knocked up and u wouldn't even know if it was urs or not...save ur self the trouble and get some guy friends haha that way they can't get drunk and seduce you...or atleast i hope not...anyway man i hope u feel better. im not dr phil so just bare with me.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 You wanna know what I think. I think you invest your emotions in a chick that's only gonna hurt you in the end. She gonna go back to the BF make no mistake ben. Also your a cheater. Yes you are.. She hasnt fully broke up with him, what gave you the right to sleep with another man's girlfriend. I wonder what would you think if your girl was having sleepovers at a man's house, in his bed!!! But anyway's I digress. You need to keep your emotions to yourself and back off. Matter of fact , find someone else if you cant control yourself. She's playing you. and your falling for it. Dont be a dumbass like I once was.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 well...im hugely attracted to my best friend. we sleep together and kiss every now and then buts its strictly plutonic. She gets around a bit and always tells me about her relationships. she just recently broke up with her bf again. and she decided to go out on the drink. I get a phone call at 3 am her calling me saying shes outside. We then go to bed and she makes a move on me. I say "no" because shes wasted and really vulnerable. but she keeps moving on me. I was a virgin and was so attracted to her that in the end i couldnt resist. we had sex and in the morning i asked her if she regretted it and she said "no". but shes been a bit wierd with me and says she still is thinking about her bf because hes a cunt. Later on today i realise that the condom slipped off and we had unprotected sex. she said she had her period that day, but i heard she could still get pregnant. I didnt ejactulate in her, but i know theres still a risk. Im worried that she could be pregnant? i want to tell her this but im worried that if i do it could ruin my chances of being with her. Shall i just leave it and let things take thier course? or shall i tell her what i want? she said she wanted me but i dont know if she means it. she also talks about how many children we will have when we get married and all this crap, and i dont want to lose her. i was thinking of saying to her shall we just forget it. im just so confused any suggestions will be greatful. ben...australia Not to be a wet blanket, but a sexual relationship IS NOT a platonic relationship. You are her friend with benefits (that being sex). This girl is sending you some very mixed signals. She sleeps around and yet talks about having babies with you? I'd be weary of getting any more emotionally involved than you already are. You may need to distance yourself from her for a while...you know, get some clarity. Losing your virginity to her may've clouded your judgment; you are likely feeling heightened emotions because of the physical experience you shared with her - it may not mean the same thing to her. Also, based on what you've described, I doubt she's pregnant... However, just to be on the safe side, get her to monitor her cycle, etc and get a pregnancy test if necessary (for some peace of mind).
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Not to be a wet blanket, but a sexual relationship IS NOT a platonic relationship. You are her friend with benefits (that being sex). This girl is sending you some very mixed signals. She sleeps around and yet talks about having babies with you? I'd be weary of getting any more emotionally involved than you already are. You may need to distance yourself from her for a while...you know, get some clarity. Losing your virginity to her may've clouded your judgment; you are likely feeling heightened emotions because of the physical experience you shared with her - it may not mean the same thing to her. Also, based on what you've described, I doubt she's pregnant... However, just to be on the safe side, get her to monitor her cycle, etc and get a pregnancy test if necessary (for some peace of mind). Like I said before she's playing him, I'm speaking from firsthand ecxperience! Move on ben!
Author beansaregood Posted November 28, 2007 Author Posted November 28, 2007 im afraid im not a cheater sorry to disapoint you. we talked, i told her how i felt about her. that having sex with her had confused me into thinking she liked me but i knew she didnt. i asked her what she though our friendship was about, she said we understand eachother and make eachother laugh alot. she also said that we only see eachother for another 8 months before we change ways, and she didnt want to get attached to me because im too nice. we both dont get along with our families which is why she belives that were so close to eachother. shes sees other guys to stop her from being lonely and knows that it will only be temporary. we still act normal and we both said we regretted what happened a little bit. but in a way it was good to improve our relationship. i get along with alot of people at my college as i find them too immature so im really reluctant to let her go when i spend most of my time with her. Im trying to pull my feelings away from her by chasing another girl.
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 OK, look at the factrs: she doesn't want a relationship with you so be it. Stay friends. You had sex and that's great. You had it with someone you really like. It might happen more times. You will love and be loved. She is not the last. Enjoy your life. If she had her period, she can't get pregnant, don't worry.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 well...im hugely attracted to my best friend. we sleep together and kiss every now and then buts its strictly plutonic. She gets around a bit and always tells me about her relationships. she just recently broke up with her bf again. and she decided to go out on the drink. I get a phone call at 3 am her calling me saying shes outside. We then go to bed and she makes a move on me. I say "no" because shes wasted and really vulnerable. but she keeps moving on me. I was a virgin and was so attracted to her that in the end i couldnt resist. we had sex and in the morning i asked her if she regretted it and she said "no". but shes been a bit wierd with me and says she still is thinking about her bf because hes a cunt Um so your telling me when you first started sleeping in the same bed having sexual relations she didnt have anyone??? She was single because from what you wrote you just contradicted yourself. Huh? Is you dumb or what or just to blinded by the good coochie that your receiving? Let's be real the girl is loose and you are stupid to even engage in an serious situation with her. Keep your heart out of the situation!!! Dont be stupid!
desertguy Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 You sound like you have the classic "nice guy syndrome". Not to worry though, it is treatable. This girl is using you, and sounds like she's got some serious baggage. The nice guy, messed up girl sort of attract each other, but this is not the kind of girl you should be pursuing. Your radar should be blinking bright red, "stay away". You're also inexperienced and very confused right now. Having sex for the first time can be an overwhelming experience, to put it mildly. If you guys are good friends and want to remain so, cut out the sex. I've known a few of these types of women when I was younger, but was wise enough I guess to avoid sleeping with them. I've also heard the claim that FWB can work, but that's never been my experience. It sounds good in theory, but someone usually gets hurt. You might try reading the book "No More Mr. Niceguy", by Glover, with an open mind. If you don't recognize some of these patterns now, you're going to attract these kinds of women over and over, and and never really be happy in relationships.
spookie Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Im trying to pull my feelings away from her by chasing another girl. You're gonna have to learn that it doesn't work to fill the void inside of you with distractions in the form of women. It's a waste of time, and it'll backfire. Wait until you meet someone you really like, that you can really see staying with, who is ready to be with you, and THEN pursue it. In the meantime learn to be alone. That's a very, very important skill to have (as it forces you to know who you are), above anything else IMO, is going to help you when you do get into a relationship
spookie Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 As for your friend, she obviously falls into the immature girl in need of male attention to feel good about herself category. Even if she isn't a cheater (and it sounds like she is) she jumped straight into the sack with you with no regard for your feelings or your friendship just to ward off her negative feelings regarding her ex. Typical behavior for a lot of people I suppose, but still indicative of bigger problems IMO. And, she doesn't care about in that way, if at all. So I would move on.
randuff Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 well...im hugely attracted to my best friend. we sleep together and kiss every now and then buts its strictly plutonic. She gets around a bit and always tells me about her relationships. she just recently broke up with her bf again. /quote] I think he literally meant sleep as in rest not sex, or at least that's how I took it.
sderenzi Posted December 1, 2007 Posted December 1, 2007 Wow! KittenMoon I completely agree with what you said, wtg with the insight Can we go out cuz I like u now
Author beansaregood Posted December 1, 2007 Author Posted December 1, 2007 ive admited to my self that i have become dependent on her as i spend most of my day with her. I have now taken time from work, im calling all my old friends back and im starting to feel alot better. I still talk to her but my feelings for her arnt as strong as they were as i see her less but im not pushing her away which will hurt her feelings like last time. Thanks guys ben
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