broken heart - what do I do?

[weeble78]

Hey everyone,

 

I need some friendly advice - my life seems to be cracking up into tiny pieces and I'm starting to struggle to hold it all together.

 

2 weeks ago, I found out my boyfriend had been helping himself to £ out of our joint account. Not only has he taken out the money he'd put in, but was spending money I'd put in. This account is for bills etc. and we'd both agreed not to spend anything unless jointly agreed.

 

When I found out, I naturally went a little crazy, called him a lying thief and generally lost it - not the best way to resolve a problem, i know!

 

It took him 3 days to come home and talk to me. He said he was scared to come home (excuses excuses) and apologised immensely saying he would give me access to all his bank accounts and take his name off the joint account.

 

Next, I went into one of his internet accounts (about 4 days later) and found an email to a girl he has known for over a year (friend of a friend) where they were joking that she could have his boobies as a booby prize if she let him down and didn't turn up to one of his gigs. This went on, he said 'damn your profile is hot' and general things like this.

 

When I confronted him, he told me he was bantering with a friend and could see how it looked bad.

 

I didn't agree.

 

We have just bought our first place together - I have just lost my job. I would really appreciate if any of you guys could help me decide what I should do here. We are not togehter at the moment and I am barely speaking to him. I am thinking whether or not I should just sell up and leave to go back to my home town, or whether it's something we could work through.

 

Any response would be massively appreciated, thanks xx

[iwanttolive]

Hello dearie, i'm not good in handling these issues as well. Financial is really tricky... Has he carried out what he promised to do? And did he tell you what he used the money for?

 

An older fren of mine told me, if you can't decide anything now, ur heart will tell u what to do sooner or later. I had similar problems wif my first bf.. he went for a hols at some tropical island and there was this girl who was looking for ONS. He claimed he did not do anything with her, but they chatted by the seaside under the moonlight for the entire night and her head was on his lap. How romantic! Eventually what made me decide to call off the relationship was I could not bear the emotional roller coaster anymore. I wanted to sleep peacefully at night. And I could not see myself setting up a family with this guy, Can't imagine him being a father... Don't think I help much but hey I'm behind you, yeah!

[weeble78]

Hey, iwanttolive - thanks for your response - there is someone out here in the world wide web!

 

Ahhh, it's good advice - somebody said the same to me today, don't rush into making a decision.

 

As for your questions, he took the money because he is in debt himself and has run out of cash to pay bills/travel etc - he is generally bad with money and takes the ostrich stance to problems:rolleyes: - I, myself, being a woman (hee hee - no offence to you lovely men out there) am an organised and on-top-of-things individual and don't understand it!

 

As for the online 'flirtation' (as I see it) - I feel betrayed although in the last four of the five years we've been together he has never strayed or been anything but supportive (mostly).

 

It's funny, as you say really, it's only when YOU decide you've had enough that you know when to call it a day. I'm starting to realise that there is no list of unforgivable situations - e.g. like in Cosmo 'Ten Reasons to Dump Your Man!'. I feel at sea beacuse I'm living in a horrible place and feel miserable/lonely (although you guys don't make me feel as lonely and because I'm unhappy, I think it's really clouding my judgement. What you say about the family starting thing - even though I'm years away from starting a family, I have also started to think about that and I couldn't see him being a good example for my children.

 

I guess what I really think is that he's started taking me for granted - can a man do this even if he's the ONE for you? And can this be turned around?

 

I think you were brave to leave that guy even without solid proof of anything - I bet you'll tell me you are a lot happier now?

 

Good news though - I got myself a new job today -woohoo, I have something to smile about!

[iwanttolive]

Congratulation on ur new job, wb78! Continuing my story... that ex-bf of mine eventually cheated on me. I guess that bastard has been fantasising on what it would be like being wif another girl but was coward enough to end it with me. His ******* buddies were actually cheering him to try out a hooker. How sickening was that. Then I saw a girl's sms in his mobile phone saying very sweet things like what a gf will message her bf like 'oh, you poor dear'. And he called her 'baby', i thought that was special pet name for me. Was so devastated. Well, he's now dating that girl.

 

I was not brave at all, besides all these nonsense, he was verbally abusing me. He called me stupid and brainless and had no common sense (I'm earning twice his salary for ur info). I endured all these pain for 2 1/2 years. Until I told myself, my parents and friends love me so much. It pained their heart to see me being assaulted by this bastard. If not for myself, I have to do it for these people who genuinely love me.

 

As for ur question " I guess what I really think is that he's started taking me for granted - can a man do this even if he's the ONE for you? And can this be turned around?" I don't really have an answer. I guess it's possible for one to take their loved ones for granted because we are all forgetful. The difference lies with the 2nd part of the question. If he genuinely wants to make the r/s works, he has to care about his gf's feelings. If he does not, can you live with it? Eventually your heart will tell whether you can take his attitude if you do not know the answer now.

 

Well, am I happier now? Actually i just broke up with my recent ex. He's 10 yrs older than me with a very big ego. My opinion counted for nothing, to him he was always right and I was alwiz wrong. He criticised my taste for liking bimbotic shows like america's next top model while he likes watching 'deep' movies. And he alwiz talked about current affairs and I could not give intelligent comments. Eventually he dumped me saying we could not connect. Im a foreigner living alone. When I was with him I stayed at his home and he would drive me to work. When he called it off, he told me to pack up my stuff. There was one day, I was realli ill, took all the little energy i had left to drag my feet to the bus stop. I looked like a piece of ****. And what was God thinking? He drove past and saw me fainting to the bus stop and how pathetic I looked. How do I live with that???