NiceGrl Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 I am looking for some advice and was reading over this forum so I figured I would give it a try. I was married for 10 years and found out my husband was cheating on me but we were trying to make things work because we have two kids. I ended up meeting a guy in a club one night obviously he was just trying to pick me up but he was shot down but I gave him my phone number so he ended up calling me the next day and appologizing for how he had acted the night before. We quickly became friends and seemed to click right away. And yes I was still with my husband at this time. It turned into a sexual relationship between me and him soon after meeting and i justified it with the fact that my husband was still seeing the girl he was with so why not do the same to him. This continued on for a few months then we both decided (my husband and i) that we would make a true effort to make things work between him and I for the kids. In the end my husband decided I wasnt the one for him and he wanted to be with the other woman. The guy that I had met was an amazing friend thru my break up I was very heart broken by the whole thing my husband was my first relationship that i had ever had and it had lasted for 10 years. My friend "Chris" even so much as left his family whom he was visiting in the states over christmas came home early to spend New Years with me so I wouldnt be alone. We've been hanging out for over a year now together but I had to put an end to the sexual relationship because he wasnt willing to commit to me. He says he's not wanting a relationship etc. says he's not in a good position in his life to be in a relationship. But on the other hand he says that I'm the person that he's closest to and in 40 years he will have me in the #1 position for people who meant the most to him. Problem is he never wants to hang out with me outside of the house. He's very much a home body and doesnt go out in general but sometimes i wish he would just hang out with me outside the house it makes me feel like he's embarassed of me or something. But then when we are outside the house he has no problems showing we're together. All my friends and his friends don't understand why we arent in a relationship because we both are commited to one another and arent sleeping with anyone else (even after i have cut off the sexual relationship) He is very affectionate towards me and its obvious he cares about me but when it comes to saying he loves me he will say it but then add...."but not in the way you want me to love you" I'm confused. He gives mixed signals one week he is very much wanting to see me and hang out then the next its like he wants nothing to do with me. I have a very strong feeling he's depressed and not happy with where he is in life, university education working at a dead end job. On top of it all he is a good friend when the mood strikes but if he's in a bad mood he takes out his frustrations on me, appologizes but says that he feels closest to me so therefore he feels comfortable enough to do that with me. He is an extremely private guy who doesnt really have many friends at all and this is his choice because there are a lot of people who want to hang out with him and be his friend but he turns them down. So I'm torn, do i stick around in hopes that he will change his mind? Since I ended the sexual part of it we dont see each other as much but when we do he is all about telling me how much he misses seeing me and has now actually started calling ME (which he never did before) to see how im doing randomly. So please...i need some advice, should I just let it go and not bother with him or should I stick with it and hope it will turn around?? Or should I just take it at face value and know it will never be anything more then just friendship with sex?
compassion42 Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Does your friend have kids? Has he ever been married? Perhaps looking at this from his perspective may help. It sounds to me like he is being cautious but also that he truly does care about you. Talk to him....tell him how you feel and try to get a better sense of where he is coming from too.
Author NiceGrl Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 No he has never been married and no children either. Although he did date a girl with a child before and she ended up using the little girl as a pawn against him because he has a huge weakness for children, she would use her to get whatever she wanted out of him if he didnt want to do it she would get her little girl to ask him to do it because he couldnt say no to her.
Jilly Bean Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 OK, my honest take? And please don't take this as harshly as it may sound... I think when you were married, the thought of an affair was very exciting and dramatic to him. Now that you are single, he has decided any of the following, 1) he does not respect, nor want a relationship with a woman who would cheat, 2) he is not capable of any real commitment, 3) with the drama gone, he has lost some interest and/or 4) he has not developed deep feelings for you. I think if you looking for something deeper, which I think you are, you need to look elsewhere. For a variety of reasons, he will never be what you want him to be...
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