indianlover Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 So inspired by a post earlier where people were debating about the types of love I stumbled on this brillant, uplifting article: http://dir.salon.com/story/mwt/feature/2004/09/07/married/index.html The writer is writing about an affair she had 20 years ago with a married man. Very insightful. I was inspired. I hope this gives hope to all of you no matter what stage in this woman's story you are now experiencing for yourself.
noforgiveness Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 oh yes lovely article that glamorizes an affair. No one got hurt, no one got caught and life goes on happily ever after with fond memories of lying and cheating. Brilliant just brilliant. How many young 20 somethings will think that soulnds like fun? I also love the beginning where she was having a hardtime with a deadline and her boss/soon to be lover told her it wouldn't be a problem if they were lovers.
torranceshipman Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Lol, what a load of crap! Although I love this part: 'He was the CEO, wore dark suits with impeccable ties, and came from Finland, where men swam in polar seas and held their liquor.' Any Finnish men on here? You should be pleased with that description, haha (-;
Gwyneth Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Wow...this lady can write! I was more amazed by her writing than her story. I am in my 20s and see a lot of similarities here. My MM and I are friends and lovers. I think he's in love with me, though, and he has no children of his own other than a step-kid. I too always say that if I knew his wife, I'd see this affair differently than I do now, Right now I do not give a flying duck about his wife--and that is partially because I do not know her. I also wonder what the future will hold--where will he and I be in 20 years from now? I'll be 46 and he'll be 51. I doubt we will be in each others' lives, and I also doubt this affair will last longer than a year. Well, I doubt and hope it won't. I also hope I never have to meet his wife unexpectantly. I saw a photo of her--that was enough for me. I can't compare to her--we are different. She isn't the tall, beautiful blonde I imagined him married to. Her and I are similar in features--how ironic. I too didn't ever think I'd be with a married man--the thought never occured to me. I don't see this man though as a married man, even though he is, because he obviously isn't emotionally in the marriage if he's having an affair with me--an emotional affair.
child_of_isis Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 This was the best part: While I couldn't articulate it at the moment, I realized that in anchoring him to its comforts and constraints, his domestic life gave him the very energy he needed to defy it.
head.heart& hand Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 my, ---and this part "What a body. I reveled. For underneath the ungainly padding of the three-piece suit the man was all raw muscle and animal. He was Harvey Keitel in "The Piano," Charles Atlas without the camp; unfazed and at home in his own nakedness.
Virgo1982 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Maybe I read something different. I don't think she spent two years trying to have a life while he was with his family and didn't feel pain. I don't think he is without any pain. The problem is, their pain was self-inflicted. She explains, so we can understand. The who, what, when, where, why, and how of the affair. Then she goes on to answer all of those questions now that she has moved on and created a life of her own.
norajane Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 The prose was a bit too purple for my taste. It's interesting that she considers if she could "let the floodgates of passion break open with another man" while in her marriage, yet somehow never considers the shoe on the other foot. She never considers that her husband "In a paroxysm of desire" could bring "himself to pleasure" with another woman, and that she herself might end up the "buxom Heidi", the betrayed wife.
Leia Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I think he's in love with me I don't understand this part.... you think he's in love with you.... how about you? What makes you think he's in love with you?
Gwyneth Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I don't understand this part.... you think he's in love with you.... how about you? What makes you think he's in love with you? Woman's instinct. The little things he does, and how he looks at me. I'm good at reading body language. Am I? As I said in another thread, I'm not sure. I really do not know. I do not think so because one day I hate him and the next I'm all about him--is that love? I've only been in love once and it began in high school and ended during college. I haven't experienced adult love yet, so I really do not know. I don't think I'd be here bashing him if I was in love with him. What do you think?
Gwyneth Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Allow me to rephrase what I said. Silly me, I forgot about the guy from the past two years who I dated and was madly in love with. He was 16 years older than I, and I really loved him. Every thing we did was intimate--I never told anyone our private moments. He was sacred to me, and every thing we did and said to each other was sacred. With the MM, I tell people what happens--I classify love as a sacred thing. When it's real, you do not go around bragging about it. Do you? I don't think I do. With my HS love, I didn't go around telling friends and family what happened between he and I. I loved him, and whatever happened was between he and I--not the rest of the world. We both agreed to keep our private moments private. Same thing with the ex from last year who I now despise and if I ever saw him again I'd kick him or something like that. The MM though, I tell every one every thing that happens. I do not see that as Love. Nothing is sacred between he and I.
head.heart& hand Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 The prose was a bit too purple for my taste. :lmao:It's interesting that she considers if she could "let the floodgates of passion break open with another man" while in her marriage, yet somehow never considers the shoe on the other foot. She never considers that her husband "In a paroxysm of desire" could bring "himself to pleasure" with another woman, and that she herself might end up the "buxom Heidi", the betrayed wife. ??? The author is in a place in her family life where she craves passion and excitement again. She is essentially where her mm was 20 years ago; steady in her marriage, tending to children and daily matters... Things are hum drum and she raises questions in which she teeters between desire and risk. Although drawn to memories of passion and youth, she fears such escape would wreak havoc on her family--"That there would be nothing left but a rickety foundation on which to rebuild any semblance of what was before." The author is being honestly flirtatious with her urge. She's published this message for the whole world to read (inlcuding her husband). As a married, responsible woman, she's not going to give in to her lustful desires as she's taking a different path from her mm of years past (as well as her own --). I would imagine that her husband would find this to be a relief, --and could likely relate on some level. ok, ok, so she did zing us all by wondering if she'll ever exeprience that same level of passion again. I think that just made for a juicier ending.
Lizzie60 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 WOW... that is so true (for me anyway) Then when she wrote that sex with a MM is the best... they are great in bed... (most anyway) and the ones that are bad.. are bad with their W also. It is the best sex... for both of us. This passage is sooo true: Without the sex, what were we? We were lovers but not in love. We were intimate friends and co-conspirators in an illicit life that could not exist in the full light of day Thanks for this great article.
norajane Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 ??? The author is in a place in her family life where she craves passion and excitement again. She is essentially where her mm was 20 years ago; steady in her marriage, tending to children and daily matters... Things are hum drum and she raises questions in which she teeters between desire and risk. Right. Yet it was the MM who cheated 20 years ago. Why doesn't it cross her mind, why doesn't she 'flirt' with the thought that her husband might also be crave passion and excitement, that he might also teeter between desire and risk? It seems odd that she doesn't consider how she would feel if he acted on his desires like the MM did with her, and she doesn't imagine how she'd feel if her husband became some other woman's MM. My point is that she dramatizes her affair with a MM, and she toys with the thought of cheating on her husband 20 years later But she won't allow her mind to imagine being in the position of the BS, as though that were an impossibility. The MM was the one who strayed from his marriage, but she seems almost blind to the possibility of her husband being in MM's position, all bored and yearning for passion. I'd think she'd be a bit more concerned about that, IMO, seeing as she had a clear view of what can happen with a mid-life MM and young OW.
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