NoIDidn't Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Lots of men do it. Some because they love the WS and others because they love children and want to make a difference in their lives. I know it happens, but in this case, no one could say for sure because the OP may admit to her H that she had sex with both men on the same day and that's why she isn't so sure about the child's paternity. My H would be one of those men that would stay and raise the child as his own. He's told me so. Of course, if in the actual situation I don't know if I would be able to hold him to this. I think I read somewhere that 20% of children aren't biologically related to the man that is told that he is the father. That's a lot of people tricking men into raising someone else's child. I hope I am not coming off as if I support her thoughts of deceiving her H about the child's paternity. I am not. I think he should be told, just not sure when. But if delayed too long or told too soon, it could have disasterous results.
NoIDidn't Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 Based only on my personal experience I say tell. My xsister in law found out this past summer that the man she has called dad for 42 years wasn't her father. She was already a woman with the half of her marbles missing, now she is a pissed off woman with half her marbles missing. And as much as I dislike her, she has every right to be hurt and angry. When the parents were confronted, they had to admit that they should have told her. Oh, yeah by the way your real father is dead and you grew up in the same town as he did and your siblings were your classmates and you didn't know it. Even Mr. Messy Pants found that outrageous. We are basically saying the same thing, but mine has a little delay upfront. Based on what you wrote, you are talking about telling the child, though. Not the possible cuckold. When it comes to telling the child, yeah, I agree they should be told as soon as they are able to understand it. My mom found out in a hateful way who her real father was. My stepbrother found out in a similarly hateful way. And, a cousin the same. But only my mom's sitch involved infidelity as her dad was a MM that never provided anything beyond the 23 chromosomes and other genetic issues. The others were raised in mostly loving families with fathers that just happened to not be their biological fathers. And the person that told wasn't a mother or a father. Usually a spiteful grandmother or other person outside of the nuclear family. But we really are talking about whether or not to tell the H, not the child that hasn't been born yet. That's a bridge to be crossed once the paternity is known and after other decisions are made concerning the M or A.
MrsHellnoFire Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 "I think I read somewhere that 20% of children aren't biologically related to the man that is told that he is the father." That is really sick. One out of every five children? Exaggerated I HOPE!!!
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 My husband and I had just started trying for a child that month, so I was shocked. That was probably only the second time we actually "tried". Don't be shocked; nature is very fertile. MM and I still keep in touch, although affair has long ended. When I asked him whether any "accidents" happened with the condoms (we always used condoms), he said no. I am pretty sure it's your husband's. Ask MM again if the condom ever slipped off his penis or if he has ANY suspicion that the baby could be his. None of you wants it to be his so let's hope he is honest. You and your husband had unprotected sex during your ovulation, so I would assume the child is his. And strangely, because a part of me was somehow consoled and satisfied..and also with the guilt of actually having a full-blown affair hanging over my head, I somehow managed to look at H through different eyes. I was less impatient with H and I wanted to please him because I was so sorry. And when I gave in, H gave in too. And to be honest, our marriage was much better during the affair than it was before it. We talked more, and we probably had more sex than we did in the 2 yeas before. Somehow I think that's the case for most married pple who are having affairs. Even though, sadly, the happiness was built on lies and deceit.It sounds like your affair repaired your marriage. So don't feel so guilty. If you tell your husband, it will ruin your marriage. Just forget the whole thing, stop beating yourself up, and look at the bright side: you have a good husband, you're carrying his baby and the affair never existed.
nenelg1998 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 I don't really know why I'm writing this. Part extreme guilt...part extreme fear at the consequences if my fears did come true. I had an affair with a married friend for a couple of months earlier this year. Towards the end, I finally realised that I was probably being taken for a ride..but like the many others here... every so often he would say things that gave me hope that maybe there was more. But looking back.. it was stupid because I have the best husband any woman can hope for. All this would be so much easier for me to forget and walk away from, if not for a nagging fear that the child I have inside me now could possibly.. even remotely possibly... be his. Towards the end of the affair, I had protected sex (condom) with the other man one afternoon. I then slept with my husband (unprotected) that same night. Did my calculations, and realised that I had probably ovulated that very day, and now I'm pregnant. My husband and I had just started trying for a child that month, so I was shocked. That was probably only the second time we actually "tried". I would be ELATED if I were 100% sure that it's my husband's child. I had already made up my mind that if I ever got pregnant, that's DEFINITELY the end of the affair. No stepping back anymore. But the problem is... while I'm 100% sure that I had sex with MM that day (it's so much easier to keep track of such things when you know it's wrong), I'm not so sure when I actually did it with my Husband. When I asked him, he says it was that day...but I can't be positively sure. I had even confessed to my obgyn about this because I was going crazy the first few weeks after I found out. She said that the chances of me getting pregnant by MM was slim since we had used a condom. But the problem is 1) I'm not sure when exactly i had sex with husband, 2) even if I did have sex with husband, it was definitely AFTER i had sex with MM, 3) what with all the info I'd googled about condoms breaking at all. MM and I still keep in touch, although affair has long ended. When I asked him whether any "accidents" happened with the condoms (we always used condoms), he said no. The most logical thing, and probably the best thing for all parties, that I can do now is to keep quiet about everything. The truth would kill my husband, and the baby could very well be his. But the guilt is eating me up alive. I have had sleepless nights over the past few months and it's stopping me from getting excited about my pregnancy. However, i tell myself to be strong and to accept all this as retribution. Let me, alone, take the pain for my mistake, and I can't bear for my unborn child or husband to suffer because of me. Hello!!!!!! I am in a similar sitution and it has just been horrible!!!!! It is so hard cause I can't talk to very many people about the situation....I would really like to talk with you can you email me...Please
nenelg1998 Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 Hello!!!!!! I am in a similar sitution and it has just been horrible!!!!! It is so hard cause I can't talk to very many people about the situation....I would really like to talk with you can you email me...Please NENElg1998
Author terrified Posted December 5, 2007 Author Posted December 5, 2007 Hello!!!!!! I am in a similar sitution and it has just been horrible!!!!! It is so hard cause I can't talk to very many people about the situation....I would really like to talk with you can you email me...Please NENElg1998 Hi nenelg1998, sorry for the late reply..and even sorrier to hear that you are in the same situation as i am. I'm totally here to hear you out, but I don't know your e-mail, and I don't think we are allowed to send people on this forum private messages. Any way you are able to give me ur e-mail address? I'm not comfortable with posting mine on this forum.
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