No hope left

[HarakIgia]

I keep hoping something will shake him back into the guy I married. Below is his email to me. His reply to me asking if he's done. The bold part I inserted. Just to clarify why I can't continue with the status quo.

 

How do people change their values? I just don't get it.

 

Husband email to me tonight:

You kicked me out of the house and now you're asking me if I'm "done with our relationship"? What difference does my answer make?

 

I never asked to split up. I was willing to put up with just about any arrangement as long as we could protect our kids from a separation or divorce.

 

Given the current situation, I really don't know what else to say. If you are upset because I'm moving on with my life, understand that you left me with little choice. I needed a place to live so I rented an apartment. I needed a decent place for the kids to sleep so I bought a sofa-bed. I can't just wait on this stuff and hope something changes.

 

This doesn't have anything to do with me searching for myself. I know who I am. The only question is whether you can live with me without forcing me to repress myself.(repress meaning not flirt with others infront of me, not grope other women, or be inappropriate)

 

I am planning to take M to school tomorrow and for the indefinite future.

[Jmina]

there has to be a compromise.

 

"I was willing to put up with just about any arrangement as long as we could protect our kids from a separation or divorce"

 

........how about keeping your mits of others. that could be arranged couldnt it?

 

"The only question is whether you can live with me without forcing me to repress myself"

 

There is a difference between flirting with anyone and everyone infront of you, and having a flirtacious nature. i think controling it to some degree as a compromise is NOT repressing himself.

 

This guy sounds like a dick and only thinks of himself anyway.

 

you know you cant change him, he sounds like he's not willing to change for himself anyway.

 

If you can search within yourself to fight your insecurities and not be bothered about his flirting then maybe you can have a nother go, but i dont think the change is going to come from his side.

 

 

Goodluck.

 

Jmina

[sedgwick]

I agree with Jmina 100%. Repress himself?!? Did he just not get it that when you marry someone, you're agreeing to put that person first? If he wanted to grope and flirt with other women, he could have stayed single. What does he say when you point this out to him?