HJLHan Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 i have been with my boyfriend for 5 months and he is very insecure. He is 24, so u would think he maybe found some security at this point.. we are really serious and can have a good time so its hard for me to just break up with him but whenever somethng doesn't go EXACTLY as he planned he FLIPS OUT at me. He is a total control freak. It's like he is so insecure that i cant go out with my friends without him flipping out. NOt to mention, i havn't even given him a reason not to trust me. I dont know what to do at this point because he is so deffensive and everything is "ALWAYS MY FAULT"! I cant even try talking to him cuz it just turns into a huge blowout. I dont want to end things because i am not yet ready, and i just dont want to. Anyone have any ideas?
gonetildecember Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 If he is extremely controlling without reason, that's probably from lingering issues and I don't really know how to help You're not "allowed" to go out with friends at all? Can you give some examples of some situations that have come up. It'snot really healthy that he just gets mad and blames you for everything. You said you don't want to end it, but the problem lies with him. All you can do is reassure him you;re with him because you want to be. But without talking to him or walking away, there really isn't much else.
Author HJLHan Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 i can physically go out with friends, but whenever i do it turns into..Why cant you just wait for me to get out of work and i'll go out with you? and ill say no i want to go out with my friends alone..and he takes that as "i'm trying to go out and cheat on him or something". WHo knows, its rediculous.i dont understand it. so eveerytime i try to go out with my friends it turns into such a HUGE argument that i say screw it because by the time im done arguing im exhausted and not in the mood to even go out anymore!
Not_Juliet Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I have somewhat of a controlling boyfriend too. Whenever I go out with my friends (which he encourages) he gets mad about how long I stay out if it's "past my bedtime," especially if it's a Friday night because Saturdays are "our day." He gets mad over the stupidest things... it's always my fault, all the time. When we fight, it's about what I am doing wrong. When I bring up his faults, he pretends like I didn't say anything or tells me to stop changing the subject. I love him, and for the past year, I have known that we must break up, but I haven't been ready... I don't think I am yet... but I think it's coming. I have no advice to offer, just support and understanding.
AliciaLikesYou Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I am kind of in this situation too.. What I do is, I reassure him. Tell him that I like him and he got nothing to worry about. Insecure people are hard to deal with because they are needy. But if you show him that, because you go out with your friends doesn't mean something bad will happen. Also, if you say no to him all the time, it's normal that he will wonder what's going on. So, invite him.. just so he knows how you act with your friends, but tell him that sometimes you need your time alone. But do it the smooth way, not by fighting or yelling.. Tell him calmly, Show him that you care etc while you tell him.
Author HJLHan Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 i would ALSO like to add that he snoops thru ALLLL of my stuff for no reason! he never even finds anything i dont ven know how he gets my password. He will go thru my cell when i am sleeping and call numbers back, he will hack into my email and aim and whatever else, he will go thru my drawers, car, room, etc ANYTHING that can be gone thru. He also refers to me as a "pathalogical liar" if i dont wish to tell him EVERY little thing from my past that happened before i knew him.....in my personal opinion---anything before him is NONE of his business.
Not_Juliet Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I'm sorry to hear that.. that's horrible! I would ask you how you fell in love with someone like that, but I know asking that certainly doesn't help anything. You know, for your happiness and self-worth this guy shouldn't stay around too long.. =/
Author HJLHan Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 i would completely understand how you would say that, but the thing is...everything was perfect until he started to care more about me and became more afrad of losing me. this happened probably about 3 months in ...maybe 3 and a 1/2. its so hard and sad because it breaks my heart, if he just trusted me and didnt go through all this yelling and snooping for nothing, then we would have the most perfect relationship. But...i'm getting to the end of my rope.
Not_Juliet Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 What do you think would happen if you told him how you feel? Would that make things worse, or would it help him understand?
sw Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 You are in an abusive relationship, please read this , it will help you see whats going on http://hiddenhurt.rhiannon3.net/topics.cfm?communityid=1&siteid=3
Tyra Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 I have an idea, leave his crazy ass alone. You can find someone who can treat you better than him. You can't even go out with you friends without him having a fit? What kind of bull**** is that? If you know that you deserve better, then you know it's time for him to go. If not, then continue to be with him and his controlling ways. And he's 24, so his ass should know better....
monkey5 Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 What exactly is your question? What you said pretty much answers it. Dump the creep. Guys like that will only bring you down and destroy your self-esteem and self-worth. He sounds like he has a lot of personal issues to deal with, and you don't deserve to have them taken out on you. You may think, "oh-he loves me, etc."...but if you are in this relationship any longer-you will be miserable. You should be able to hang out with your friends if you choose. The world does not revolve around him.
LaughMachine Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 Yeah it seems to be that he never got a chance to fill up those voids with security and confidence. It's very sad for him to be 24 as he should have been experienced but everyone is different. No one should ever stop you from being with your friends. Keeping some distance is what maintains the spark in a relationship and later on he will have to deal with the consequences of pusing you away.
Mary3 Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 OP you need to DUMP this loser immediately ! This man is going to ( likely ) escalate this into physical abuse later on..... You will NEVER be able to reassure him that everything is *okay* because he is sick inside with fear and a wounded bird with a dysfunctional past . You will spend a lifetime trying to convince him you are not cheating. Deal breaker! = Going through your wallet , your phone , your answering machine , your mail . Dump Dump !
Recommended Posts