HarakIgia Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I've been posting my story for the last week. I'm newly separated with a 3yr. old little girl and a 10yr. boy. My son is starting to act up a bit. Pushing his sister, being short tempered, and seeming really angry. I'm doing all I can to talk to him. Has anyone encountered this? Is there anything I can do to help him? We've got an appt. for him to talk to a therapist next week. But, I was hoping to get some advice from those who have been through this. Thanks again.
Curmudgeon Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 The therapist is an excellent idea. He's upset, angry and resentful which is not unusual. Nor are abandonment issues. Meanwhile, reassure both children that the separation has nothing to do with them. It only has to do with two adults who have grown apart as sometimes happens. Do what you can to realistically bolster their self-esteem. It's been bruised. In the interim, be firm and consistent with your son and impose penalties for his treatment of his sister so he knows it's not acceptable. At the same time, appeal to his "advanced" years by making him a partner in caring for her. Reinforce the fact that she's too young to understand what's going on so it's up to her family that does understand, and that includes him, to make it as easy on her as possible.
Author HarakIgia Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 Thank you Curmudgeon. I appreciate your reply. All good advice. I'm doing those things I guess staying consistent and reassuring him is all I can do. Time, love, consistency and patience is all I can offer at this point.
Curmudgeon Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Those are precisely what the children need and as much as any responsible and loving parent can offer them.
redblack66 Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I've been posting my story for the last week. I'm newly separated with a 3yr. old little girl and a 10yr. boy. My son is starting to act up a bit. Pushing his sister, being short tempered, and seeming really angry. I'm doing all I can to talk to him. Has anyone encountered this? Is there anything I can do to help him? We've got an appt. for him to talk to a therapist next week. But, I was hoping to get some advice from those who have been through this. Thanks again. Yes, I am encountering exactly the same. My son (6) is quite restless and pushes his syster (2) around. He is always swearing, angry, and even tries to hit me and my wife. I don't really know how to work on my situation with my son, let alone give advice. I guess we have to accept what it is.
Author HarakIgia Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 That's what's upsetting I'm angry that they are going through this. That we are going through this. But, I'm realizing that I can't control how anyone else feels or sees the world. I'm told people change. I'm trying to understand that one. It's a hard lesson to teach your kids...when it makes no sense to you. Anyways, I think the advice that was given is right on. Try what Curmudgeon has said, be consistent, have consequences for his behavior and perhaps explainining to him that he needs to help his younger sister along will help too. I know it's hard. I have a hard time watching my loving, kind, kid react this way. Good thoughts your way. Big hug to your kids too. Sorry, that they are experiencing this too.
Curmudgeon Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I guess we have to accept what it is. Not where children are concerned. You have to be proactive and set the tone. Leaving them to work through it on their own just because it is what it is will leave them feeling even more at loose ends and insecure.
RecordProducer Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 Time, love, consistency and patience is all I can offer at this point.As Curm said, those ar exactly what kids need. I find parenthood overwhelming at times and somehow I always resort to love and cuddling when i don't know whatbto do.It ALWAYS WORKS!!! My kids get crazy, I yell, they yell... then I hug then and kiss them and we play - and they calm down. No matter how crappy my day was, I hav eto have at leats a half an hour of cuddling with them per day. If not, I tell them I wasn't a good mom cuz I was in a ba mood and they hug ME... kids are amazing!
Author HarakIgia Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 Thank you so much for your reply. I'm learning more and more how just a simple response can mean so much. Have a wonderful evening and enjoy your cuddles with your little ones. I certainly am going to do the same.
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