Krying Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I've been dumped & left my entire life It occurred to me recently, that every love I've ever had in my life has left me. Of course some I have loved more than others, but the last 3 in my life have gone from bad, to horrible to total hellish. The first girl, girl #1, I got over rather quickly. I'm still friends with her in the sense that she hasn't ignored me and has said hello when I've seen her. This has made it a whole lot easier to move on. As fate would have it, I ran into her a few months ago many thousands of miles away from where we lived after not seeing her for the best part of a year. She looked good, in fact she never looked better. Naturally I still had some attraction for her, and we spoke briefly. She was kind and polite and it wasn't weird. I was reminded how much I liked her, but I wasn't bothered by it. Even though I liked her I was able to move on without any pain. The second girl, girl #2, was a year ago, where my fiance left me one day after looking at wedding rings. She ended up marrying her ex while being pregnant 3 weeks after leaving me. Naturally I went through hell and back on this one. But in time I came to realize even though I loved her, she was not the love of my life. I still would have married her had things gone as planned, but they didn't. I ended up leaving my job, and moving far away. It helped, but it took me along time to truly not feel any hurt, hate or anything towards her. Unlike girl #1, I never had any contact with her again after she left me. This hurt me greatly. I didn't want to be friends, but simply wanted a situation like girl #1, where if I did happen to run into her, it wasn't weird. Anyway, she and her husband ended up moving to the other side of the country to be with her parents. I've never seen her again and I don't care if I do. I am truly over her in every single way. Following on from girl #2, was girl #3, which happened exactly one year after girl #2. I met her by chance, through mutual friends. I had moved again almost to the other side of the world to visit some friends. I was not attracted to her at first, but soon we hit it off and it was total dynamite. All her friends, all my friends were amazed at how great we looked together, how much we seemed compatible, how even though it was a short period of time, how much in love we seemed. I was totally head over heals for this girl. I've never felt that way towards anyone before. I would send her flowers to her work, bring a single red rose when I met her for lunch and for awhile she was it appeared totally in love with me. But sure enough, she started to become a little distant, then pretend all was fine. I believed her at first but knew in my gut she was going to end the relationship. Sure enough she did, but I was the one to formally end things thinking that this would help keep us together and give her the space she wanted. It ended very weirdly. She never told me any reasons as to why she ended things. I still see her at church functions and she is very happy and animated to everyone, but is clearly ignoring me in every way. It hurts very much and I've done my best, even not going to church to avoid her. So much so that friends have been worried as they havn't seen me around. Girl #3, even though still fresh was and is the love of my life. I will never forget her as long as I live. I felt this way after girl #2, but I also knew it was more a feeling of missing the affections and so on. With girl #3, it's everything about her. I miss her, not just how she made me feel. Lately I've been so down and out of it, I will sleep for 12hrs a day, get up at 4pm, waste many hours on the web, watch movies, eventually get sleepy and head back to bed. It's pathetic, but I feel nothing is worth achieving anymore. I had the love of my life, the very person I've been waiting for for all these years, and she left me. I did nothing wrong here. I apologized when I was wrong, I gave her space, I never argued with her, cramped her style, forced her to change or anything. I simply loved her and was basically saying to myself 24/7 that this was simply too good to be true. That I was so lucky, I had to pinch myself to make sure it wasn't a dream. Chances are she will continue to ignore me forever. I hope she doesn't, but there's nothing I can do about it. Naturally I want her back. That goes without saying. Having found and experienced a love I have never felt before, even with my fiance, how does life get any better? How am I supposed to believe people saying this is for the best. That the person I am meant to be with will come into my life. She did, and she left. Not everyone get's a happy ending. Think of all those old single alzheimer patients in the homes that never got married or had families. Am I to end up like this? How can I believe good things will happen to me again? How can I even want another woman after being with the love of my life? Time won't heal that. Either she comes back, or I give up and simply die. There's no purpose in trying to make believe all is ok, all is happy and continue with the happy pills. I'm miserable, heart broken and longing for even just a look from her. Something, anything. I can't take it anymore.
JCD Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 I can guarantee you that if she is ignoring you then she feels hurt and wants to hurt you by ignoring you. There is something that is not resolved and you should sit her down and talk about it. Ask her if she would really left you if you haven't broken up with her first.
Author Krying Posted November 29, 2007 Author Posted November 29, 2007 I can guarantee you that if she is ignoring you then she feels hurt and wants to hurt you by ignoring you. There is something that is not resolved and you should sit her down and talk about it. Ask her if she would really left you if you haven't broken up with her first. I can say 100% for a fact I never hurt her. As far as me breaking things off formally, she was going to do it anyway. Her Dad told me this. She was having panic attacks at the time, and I know didn't have the courage to end things herself. Thinking that I was helping her and not wanting to put any pressures on her, even though I knew I was not the cause of her panic attacks, I ended things formally. I did this thinking it would help us, she would get some space, and we would be able to continue. However, this was what she wanted. She never contacted me after this, she never came running back. Her ignoring me has nothing to do with her being hurt. Rather I'm a nobody, and never existed in her universe now. I think she knows it hurt me, and I of course wanted to know why she had ended things. She checked out of the relationship, was saying I had nothing to worry about, but was in fact emotionally and physically running the other way. Rather than hurt her, me formally ending things, in fact seemed to help her with the guilt.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 29, 2007 Posted November 29, 2007 Well if anything you move on and do better next time. I really havent had a serious realtionship emotionally with any woman because either they sabotaged it or it just wasnt the right time. But things do get better. I promise you that. I am kinda happy now being single and unattached. But there are times of loneliness, that's the hardest parts and sleeping at night in a big bed kinda stings too.
Ssheena Posted November 30, 2007 Posted November 30, 2007 If you step back for a second, you could see this like I'm looking at it. You have had 3 meaningful relationships, you have experienced love - with girl #2, you must have been very in love if you were engaged and yet, after a year of healing you were able to open yourself up and experience love again with girl #3. How about if you change the way you look at this? Every relationship you have had has gotten better. What can you do, what have you learned? How about - relationships are work. If you feel that someone is changing their feelings or something is bothering them, how about talking about it and working on it? How about - I want to be with someone who has the good qualities from all the previous girls but is also able to tell me what is going on with her? If I was in a relationship with someone, I would hope they would tell me they were having panic attacks or that they were feeling insecure. How about the next time I start to feel like my partner is becoming distant or in might be becoming distant, I ask them what is going on? Relationships are about taking the good with the bad and working out things. I'm curious about how her father told you she was going to end things with you and why she was having panic attacks. As hard as it is, you have to ask tough questions and you have to be able to say, I'm feeling like you are becoming distant or I'm feeling (always use "I" instead of "you" (as in you do such and such)). Not only are there old single alzheimers patients in retirement homes, there are, in my opinion, people of all ages and with all their mental capacity, that have never, ever, experienced the love that you have. Which would you rather be?
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