Dynamo Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Okay so I primarily hang out with this small group of tight-nit friends (There are 6 of us). I like one of the girls in the group (a lot!) for quite some time now, but the problem is one of my friends in the little group is already going out with her (I'm sure those of you who frequent this forum often have already read my numerous threads about this situation). Recently it's been too much for me seeing them together because, wherever we are, they are always all over eachother. At the movies, at parties, just hanging out... It makes me feel sick inside to watch them making out right infront of me. My friend who's dating the girl I like keeps nagging me to come hang out with the rest of our little group all the time and I keep trying to come up with excuses of why I can't, just to cover the truth (That I hate seeing the two of them together). I think what I hate most is that I know this guy well and he's only using her for sexual stuff - he doesn't give a rats ass about her as a person, and it kills me inside to know that she has feelings for him, but he just sees her as a toy. It makes me pretty pissed, but thats a whole story for another thread... Anyways my friend keeps trying to get me to tag along, I don't want to because I don't like seeing them all over eachother, so I come up with whatever excuse I can. Unfortunetely my friend is pretty good with debates and tends to manage to get me to go - only for me to repeat the whole ordeal the next time around. Would it be bad if I just came out honest with him, and told him that the reason I've sort of been dodging them all these past couple weeks is because I really like his girl, and it's too much for me to see them together? I don't know if I'd be able to man up and say that in-person (I'm really not a guy who talks about emotions in person, thats why I utilize this place so much). Would that be a bad idea? Would it just make it akward whenever I'm around them? What should I do? I like hanging out with the group alot since we've all known eachother for quite some time, and I DO want to hang out with them, but seeing those two together is like being hit in the head with a brick each night. Thanks for any replies.
Pedigree Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I truly sympathize with you, man. I think the unfortunate thing is that it's very hard for you to get over this girl given the proximity. Recently it's been too much for me seeing them together because, wherever we are, they are always all over eachother. At the movies, at parties, just hanging out... It makes me feel sick inside to watch them making out right infront of me. My friend who's dating the girl I like keeps nagging me to come hang out with the rest of our little group all the time and I keep trying to come up with excuses of why I can't, just to cover the truth (That I hate seeing the two of them together). As hard as this would be for you, I think you should just go and hang out with this group of friends because: 1. You might alienate your close friends if you don't hang out and it'll be a shame to start losing them as friends. 2. As far as the girl in question and your best friend goes, that's the unfortunate reality, I'm afraid. They're a couple and public displays of affection is probably not unexpected. I recommend though that you spend more time hanging around with your other friends rather than with those two (ie. you talk more to them when you get together etc.) I think what I hate most is that I know this guy well and he's only using her for sexual stuff - he doesn't give a rats ass about her as a person, and it kills me inside to know that she has feelings for him, but he just sees her as a toy. I'd like to say that that's your emotion speaking but considering that the guy's a friend of yours, you're probably correct. Would it be bad if I just came out honest with him, and told him that the reason I've sort of been dodging them all these past couple weeks is because I really like his girl, and it's too much for me to see them together? I don't know if I'd be able to man up and say that in-person (I'm really not a guy who talks about emotions in person, thats why I utilize this place so much). Would that be a bad idea? Would it just make it akward whenever I'm around them? What should I do? That would be your call, but it's a tough decision. I probably wouldn't speak up. Things will definitely be awkward not for you, but for him ("Hey, Dynamo's coming along today so it's probably not good that you come along" and vice-versa) and it's probably not a good thing to do to have your friend shoulder some of your problem.
CD111 Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I agree tough situation; however, I wouldn't tell. How long have they been dating? Chances are if he is really only using her the relationship won't last too long and then you will get your chance. As for how to deal with the current situation. Maybe suggest events where there are a bunch of people so you won't have to just watch them make out.
Author Dynamo Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 Thank you both for the responses. (Oh and hi again Pedigree, I hope your situation is improving a bit! Hate to see a fellow guy stuck in the same boat as me ) I would certainly like to believe it's just my emotions talking when I say that he's only using her, but unfortunately some of my other friends (sort of a third party on the whole situation) say that is what he's doing as well. He's not a bad guy, he just has this weird issue.. I don't feel right talking about him behind his back, but lets just say he doesn't tend to appreciate women for who they are, but rather what they are. Reflecting back, I probably shouldn't speak up - It most likely WOULD make quite the awkwardness between us. It's just sort of tough, you know? GAH why does my life have to be filled with so much drama all the time, I HATE drama. I want to tell him so I don't have to come up with excuses when I don't feel like seeing them, but on the other hand I don't want him to think that I'm trying to make moves on his girl.. As much as I like her I know that that would just be flat out wrong, weither he is using her or not.. Hmm I don't know. He's expressed some personal issues to me in the past, some REALLY awkward stuff too... Like he used to have a crush on my sister (Which I pretty much beat him up over, hahaha ) but I'm really the type of guy who listens, not lays his own problems out on the table. And I really don't want to make any awkwardness. CD111, I like the idea of suggesting more social situations so I'm not stuck there seeing them all over eachother - quite frankly not only does it make me sick / jealous, but it's just also really awkward sitting there and NOT trying to see them, but you can't help but hear them / see them out of the corner of your eye.. So I'll definitely try that some, thanks!! Any suggestions for activities? Thanks for hearing me out guys and gals, it really does help. I'm glad I found this place so I can just vent and hear opinions from a third-party. (Oh and Pedigree keep me updated on your situation too, I'm curious to see how others deal with my predicament haha) OH and to answer your question CD111, they've been dating for roughly 2 months. I was talking to her the other day and somehow we got on the subject of their relationship, and I was just joking around about how they are on eachother so much.. And she told me that he sort of forces himself on her, and that he's always the one trying to make out and stuff.. So yeah.. I changed the subject after that because I could tell she felt a little awkward telling me that, but I don't know if thats important or if she was just trying to not sound slutty (which she most certainly is NOT, since this is only like the second or third guy she's been with in a serious relationship). I feel like a bad person for hoping that their relationship falls apart - it's not fair to my buddy and I know if I was dating a girl, I wouldn't want my friend secretly hoping we don't make it behind my back - but I can't help but feel that way...
Leia Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I really don't think telling him the truth would be such a brilliant idea. It might just make things awkward as you already stated. Do you have other friends you hang out wit? Do you have other girls you might have interest in? If yes, why don't you put on more attention on those ladies?
Author Dynamo Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 I really don't think telling him the truth would be such a brilliant idea. It might just make things awkward as you already stated. Do you have other friends you hang out wit? Do you have other girls you might have interest in? If yes, why don't you put on more attention on those ladies? Hey thanks for the reply, Yeah I have a bunch of friends I hang out with, but these are sort of my best friends. I don't exclusively hang out with them, but I do spend most of my time with them rather then with my other friends. So I have no problems in the friend department. As for the other girls.. Unfortunately no, at least not at this time. I've been trying to get out on the scene some more in hopes of finding a girl to distract me from my buddies girl, but so far the results have been zilch. There are a couple girls I sorta like, but shes really the only one who I have powerful feelings for.. I know that sounds sort of lame, but I don't know how else to word it =/
CD111 Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Since they have only been dating a few months definitely give it some time and wait it out. As for thing to do. Bring more people with you, then just the three of you and the find anything that will get them to focus on something else other then themselves. You guys can go to parties, go to the go-kart track if you have one around, sign up for a sports team together. Really the possibilities are endless, but I don't really know what you and your friends like to do so it's hard to recommend activities.
Leia Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I don't think I was helpful but you're welcome! I know what you mean. I have a bunch of people I hang out with frequently and not so often too. I have a few cliques because not all of them like everything I do so I mix them all up! It's always fun and if I was in your position, it would be hard for me to hang out with a guy I have a crush on and he has a girlfriend... but I think about the bond that we all have so I'd put the guy way back in my head... you know what I'm saying? I hope I am making sense. You will meet a girl that can take your mind off her. I have issues with trusting guys so I have to work on that before I can go out and find myself a guy! Btw, it's not lame at all! I know what you mean..
Pedigree Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Dynamo, I can say that things have improved with my situation (if you want to take a look at my situation, go to my posts and look at my first post). University's wrapped up for the year (she does my degree so we see each other a lot) so I won't see her for 3 months barring get-togethers set up by a friend of mine who also happens to be her friend. But like I said above, she does my degree and I'm hoping I would have improved sufficiently to not go back to square one when Uni starts. And of course, I'll definitely keep you updated on my situation. Back on the topic at hand... You've pretty much just said it yourself. Telling your friend about it is not worth the resulting awkwardness. I'll echo CD111's suggestion of going to parties. That way you can just see them on the way there and on the way home whilst spending all the time in between with other people. I've definitely harbored the same thoughts as well with regards to the girl in my situation and her relationship so I'm not going to blame you. Whatever happens, whenever it is that your crush and your friend breaks up, it has to be out of their own choice instead of sabotage on your part (and I do hope it never gets to that with you).
Author Dynamo Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 Great, thank you all a bunch for the replies - I think I've been told what I needed I will just have to keep quiet and let it run it's course.
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