I should wait to call, right??

[SusanChess]

You need to master the basic social skill of answering a phone call. You might want to go to a high school special education class for students with Down's Syndrome and ask if you can observe the day they do 'phone calls'.

 

Um, honey? Telling anyone that they should take a "special ed class" is just tacky. It's also insulting to the people who actually need the classes and to the people who work so hard to teach them. (What's particularly sad about people who did this in high school was that they were often in the class level one step removed from special ed. Did I ever hear this from my own classmates? Not once.)

 

You also might want to reconsider casting aspersions on anyone's intelligence or general ability if you live your life by the rules of a book written by a Sex and the City screenwriter.

[SusanChess]

So, Susanchess are you saying that if he regarding the messages u left last night, and called you today to talk about homework you wouldn't pick up the phone? because basiclly that's the whole point of conversing right?

 

You mean if he called right now? No, I wouldn't pick up. I guess one detail that I didn't emphasize is that I'm a full tme college student. I'm also trying hard to maintain my 3.9 GPA so I can go on to a PhD program in my field. At the same time, I'm a research assistant with two different groups within my department, plus I have a part-time job. So, I spend a lot of time studying, in class, or working. Even now my phone is turned off because I'm in the main library trying to catch up from the days' worth of studying I missed from being sick. My phone's off most of the day for one reason or another. So that on top of me hating to talk on the phone anyway makes it very unlikely that I would pick up.

 

So no, he rarely bothers with the cell phone unless we're just about to get together and he needs to make a quick change. If he needs to talk to me, he usually has enough courtesy to wait until the weekend and call me at work (I have one of those jobs that isn't all that demanding, thank goodness!) At least he's not as bad as he used to be when I worked more hours and we worked together. One of his worst habits was going home and then calling me at work to talk about nothing at all. Drove me absolutely up the wall, and it took me finally saying how much I hated it when my friends did that to me for him to cut it out.

[Jilly Bean]

You're a college student? I really thought you were 15. Tops.

[SusanChess]

If you don't answer a guy's call, and don't call him back (which is what you've been doing until now when you've bombarded him with contact), he probably assumes you're not interested.

 

Then calling him and texting him repeatedly over a short period of time, while saying that you won't take his call if/when he does call you back, makes you appear...just...not right.

 

You've said you haven't been allowed to date/don't know the rules/whatever...well, we're just trying to show you the ropes. Why are you being so resistant?

 

I am actually listening to what everyone's saying (well, at this point everyone but one person.) However, I'm quickly realizing how difficult I'm making it for people to give accurate advice without having a signficant number of details. I'm trying to balance privacy concerns (especially his privacy, since he's not the one posting here) with my desire to learn a little more about the way most people think.

 

So, what I'm hearing is:

 

I should have called him the first time, and definitely the second time no matter what (that's even if I didn't actually need help w/my homework yet.)

 

Sending the text message putting him off until the next day and then leaving the voice mail putting him off until this weekend was a bad idea.

 

Once I did leave the voicemail, I should have called him this weekend whether or not I was at work and whether or not I was sick.

 

Never ever leave a voicemail when you're tired, sick, mopey and on OTC meds.

 

It all seems reasonable to me.

 

So, I really am going to try to be a bit more reliable on this and other things with him in the future, since I think I've hurt his feelings on things like this in the past. I'm trying to avoid jerking him around, especially since many people have told me in the past that I have a tendency to do this with him (whether through carelessness, not knowing any better, or just embarrassment/nervousness.) It sounds like that's the way everyone would take the way I've been behaving this time too.

 

So, taking all of that into consideration, I'm thinking that I should wait until this weekend to talk to him and I could apologize then. I bet anything that he calls with some stupid excuse like "how do I unbend a paper clip?" anyway. (The last time, swear to God, he called and asked for our company's website address. Which would be the company name + .com, the website whose address is printed on almost everything around him, and the website he has to use several times a day. I really do wonder if I told you everything this guy's done over the years what you guys would have to say about him. )

[SusanChess]

You're a college student? I really thought you were 15. Tops.

 

On top of that, I waited to go back to school so I'm older than most college students. I never said I wasn't a mess for someone my age!

[Racquel Colette]

Yes, I understand the levels of special education. I actually am a special education teacher. You need the higher level, self-contained special ed. class which would include instruction for basic living skills including how to answer and return a telephone call.

[SusanChess]

I see, so you're actually insulting your own students.

 

What's so funny about this is the level of distain my professors and many of my classmates have for K-12 teachers, and how much time I've spent defending teachers as a group. In your case I understand why they feel the way they do, and interestingly you have many of the same traits they often complain about. You'll make for an interesting case study in my 10:30 class tomorrow.

[SusanChess]

Yes, I understand the levels of special education. I actually am a special education teacher. You need the higher level, self-contained special ed. class which would include instruction for basic living skills including how to answer and return a telephone call.

 

Also, just to make it perfectly clear for you, I said that people who make jokes about "special ed classes" are usually one step removed from needing those classes themselves. It was not a comment on the various strata of special education classes. I also said that I never heard one of my peers (you know, the type at the other extreme of exceptional ed) make those comments.

[Racquel Colette]

Obviously it was an exaggeration but you clearly do have social problems. I am a very good teacher, just received my review.

[SusanChess]

There's a great deal of literature exploring the various reasons why under-performing employees receive excellent performance reviews. You should look into it before making another statement about a positive review "proving" that you're a good teacher.

 

It really doesn't matter all that much to me if you feel you're a good teacher or not. However, making jokes at the expense of your students is a pretty strong indicator that you fall into the class of people drawn into the field by the promise of always feeling "smarter" than your students. Which is fine, if that's the only way you can achieve that feeling.

 

Regardless, this discussion has become tiring and incredibly distasteful, therefore I won't respond further to you on this topic.

[Racquel Colette]

No, it wasn't feeling smarter than your students. It's a statement that making and returning phone calls are very basic skills and you should be able to handle that. You may need to go out of your comfort zone a bit by returning phone calls and having conversations over the phone.

I already know I'm a good teacher; I don't need your validation or any studies. My principal had no reason to sit with me for a half hour, praising my teaching techniques, IEPs, classroom management, and positive learning environment I provide if he thought I was not an asset to his teaching staff. In this particular school district, there are plenty of applicants for positions, special ed. ones included. Also when I get positive remarks from parents telling me how much their child enjoys my class and how they are improving in reading and writing due since they have been in my class, I don't need your validation or any studies, LOL. This is funny. When I am busting my ass staying until 5:00 p.m. 4 days a week, I don't need your validation or that of any studies. LOL

[SusanChess]

I'm sorry, did you just say you're "busting your ass" by working until 5pm 4 days a week??!

 

Uh huh. Oh, are we going to have fun in class today!

[SusanChess]

I am actually listening to what everyone's saying (well, at this point everyone but one person.) However, I'm quickly realizing how difficult I'm making it for people to give accurate advice without having a signficant number of details. I'm trying to balance privacy concerns (especially his privacy, since he's not the one posting here) with my desire to learn a little more about the way most people think.

 

So, what I'm hearing is:

 

I should have called him the first time, and definitely the second time no matter what (that's even if I didn't actually need help w/my homework yet.)

 

Sending the text message putting him off until the next day and then leaving the voice mail putting him off until this weekend was a bad idea.

 

Once I did leave the voicemail, I should have called him this weekend whether or not I was at work and whether or not I was sick.

 

Never ever leave a voicemail when you're tired, sick, mopey and on OTC meds.

 

It all seems reasonable to me.

 

So, I really am going to try to be a bit more reliable on this and other things with him in the future, since I think I've hurt his feelings on things like this in the past. I'm trying to avoid jerking him around, especially since many people have told me in the past that I have a tendency to do this with him (whether through carelessness, not knowing any better, or just embarrassment/nervousness.) It sounds like that's the way everyone would take the way I've been behaving this time too.

 

So, taking all of that into consideration, I'm thinking that I should wait until this weekend to talk to him and I could apologize then. I bet anything that he calls with some stupid excuse like "how do I unbend a paper clip?" anyway. (The last time, swear to God, he called and asked for our company's website address. Which would be the company name + .com, the website whose address is printed on almost everything around him, and the website he has to use several times a day. I really do wonder if I told you everything this guy's done over the years what you guys would have to say about him. )

 

I'm pulling my last on-topic post forward since my thread was effectively hijacked.

[Racquel Colette]

I'm sorry, did you just say you're "busting your ass" by working until 5pm 4 days a week??!

 

Uh huh. Oh, are we going to have fun in class today!

It was a typo, I meant 5 days. Also, if you were up on all your knowledge, there smaller school districts that have 4-day weeks/10-hour days for teachers, so it's really not that outrageous. I go in on most weekends for a few hours, also. It's not effectively hijacked, you started bashing me for my profession when I was offering serious advice.

Anyway, seriously, you do need to visit the special education class on answering and returning phone calls. It seriously is taught as an everyday life skill. I'm sure you could call the principal and say that you're majoring in special education and want to develop a lesson plan for returning and answering phone calls.

Also, this guy would have asked you on a real date by now if he was into you. He wouldn't have let the fact that you "ignore" phone calls, "hate" phone calling, and don't "pick up" phone calls as a reason to not ask you out. As I stated, and stand by, wild horses won't stop a man who's interested. No confusion with a man who is interested.

Here's your plan of attack now:

1. visit the special education life skills class

2. get the book He's Just Not that Into You

You'll be ready for the next guy.

[Kamille]

Susan,

 

One thing I firmly believe in when it comes to dating is that it's always best to not let things drag on forever. I once had a crush on a guy for over a year, and in the end it turned out that even though he was interested in me at some point, the fact that I would hesitate and hope for who knows what signs from the heavens before making a move or moving on made it so that he moved on.

 

I think the reason you are getting the types of responses you are getting is because there are a lot of things that we don't understand.

 

Namely, if you aren't ready to date this guy right now (you said so in one of your replies) then risk losing him and leave him be. Most people I know consider that keeping people on the backburner is unethical.

 

Second, I think that in spite of all the excuses you give here (hell I'm a PhD student and I find time to call people, date and even fall in love), the reason why you are so skittish about calling, receiving or returning calls is because of your own insecurities.

 

This is perticularly obvious from your reaction to the first comments (Krytie's and Stargazer's) on this thread. You texted him to tell him you weren't going to bother him anymore? Obviously your past is haunting you. I would say you need to become aware of the moments when your reactions are informed by how much you were hurt by your ex-boss's actions. Anytime you think of him (as in - so ex-boss was right - ) tell yourself that this isn't a moment to make a decision or act. You need to get rid of that very negative "ex-boss" voice that is keeping you insecure. Learn to recognize it, question it and let it go.

 

Then later in the thread you say that you weren't sure you should call since you didn't need his help anymore. So what? You shouldn't be relying on excuses to call a guy you're interested in in the first place. You could call, tell him you've figured the solution to x is y and ask him how he's doing in his own studying. The way you're going about it sounds like self-protection over-drive to me.

 

To get back to my original point: in dating, you need to take risks. The way I see it, the sooner I find out a guy I'm interested in does not return my feelings (and it happens to everyone), the sooner I can move on. The longer I hang on to someone in spite of mutual mix messages, the more damage I might be doing to my self-esteem.

[SusanChess]

It was a typo, I meant 5 days. Also, if you were up on all your knowledge, there smaller school districts that have 4-day weeks/10-hour days for teachers, so it's really not that outrageous. I go in on most weekends for a few hours, also. It's not effectively hijacked, you started bashing me for my profession when I was offering serious advice.

Anyway, seriously, you do need to visit the special education class on answering and returning phone calls. It seriously is taught as an everyday life skill. I'm sure you could call the principal and say that you're majoring in special education and want to develop a lesson plan for returning and answering phone calls.

Also, this guy would have asked you on a real date by now if he was into you. He wouldn't have let the fact that you "ignore" phone calls, "hate" phone calling, and don't "pick up" phone calls as a reason to not ask you out. As I stated, and stand by, wild horses won't stop a man who's interested. No confusion with a man who is interested.

Here's your plan of attack now:

1. visit the special education life skills class

2. get the book He's Just Not that Into You

You'll be ready for the next guy.

 

I assumed you were still talking about a 40-45 hour work week. And I still found it funny that you thought that this was in any way proof that you work hard compared to others.

 

Let me say this veeeerrrrryyyy ssssllllooowwwlllyyy so maybe you'll understand it this time.

 

1) He has asked me out several times. I said no. I may or may not be willing to date him in the future, and want to keep the door open in case I do decide that it would be a good idea. Hence the original question. Some of us don't immediately jump into the lap of every guy that expresses an interest. However, we do continue to hang out on occasion.

 

2) I wasn't making fun of your profession. My first post in response to your "suggestion" was that I, unlike many of my peers and professors, have a great deal of respect for teachers. It's you specifically that I have no respect for, and the way you're behaving I pity your students.

 

You're like a case study in what's wrong with the worst of special education teachers. You're whiny and seem convinced that no one has it worse off than you. Do you understand how many professions demand 70+ hour work weeks under pressure you apparently can't even fathom? Do you comprehend that even my schedule as an undergraduate puts yours to shame?

 

Apparently you haven't read anything more challenging than pop psychology/relationship books since 1963. You live your life by the guidelines of a self help book written by a TV writer and can't seem to wrap your head around anything else.

 

You're belittiling your own students by continuing to harp on this "special education class" you insist I need to take. I know that this is difficult for someone like you who can't fathom that different people come from different backgrounds, but people have different preferences when it comes to how they wish to communicate with others. I'm sure that you're the type of person who gabs endlessly on the phone while everyone around you (and the person you're talking to) wishes you would just shut up. I don't like talking on the phone, and I'm not alone in that either. My friends understand and respect that. Even if I loved chatting endlessly about this great book I read claiming to be the solution to everyone's relationship woes, I DON'T HAVE TIME ANYWAY!! Like I said, it's great that some people have a 40-50 hr work week. Not all of us do.

[SusanChess]

A voice of sanity! Thanks for responding, Kamille.

 

One thing I firmly believe in when it comes to dating is that it's always best to not let things drag on forever. I once had a crush on a guy for over a year, and in the end it turned out that even though he was interested in me at some point, the fact that I would hesitate and hope for who knows what signs from the heavens before making a move or moving on made it so that he moved on.

 

That's true, at least from what I've observed watching my friends as they pursue (or don't pursue) relationships with people. I am quite prepared for him to move on. In fact I've encouraged him in any relationships he's formed. But for some reason he always comes running back. I'm okay with whatever he decides, the important thing to me is that he's happy. I just don't think that this particular moment is the best for us to pursue a real relationship. Even though he claims to be a committment-phobe when it comes to other women, if I show any sustained interest in him he seems like he's ready for a house, two dogs and a parakeet.

 

I think the reason you are getting the types of responses you are getting is because there are a lot of things that we don't understand.

 

This is very true. I actually did end up going over to another site to see what people thought of his behavior through all of this. Right now the responses are split between some variant of "he's weird" and "he really, really likes you." People are also describing him as selfish, having issues, clingy, and stalkerish.

 

Namely, if you aren't ready to date this guy right now (you said so in one of your replies) then risk losing him and leave him be. Most people I know consider that keeping people on the backburner is unethical.

 

No dispute there.

 

Second, I think that in spite of all the excuses you give here (hell I'm a PhD student and I find time to call people, date and even fall in love), the reason why you are so skittish about calling, receiving or returning calls is because of your own insecurities.

 

This is entirely possible.

 

This is perticularly obvious from your reaction to the first comments (Krytie's and Stargazer's) on this thread. You texted him to tell him you weren't going to bother him anymore? Obviously your past is haunting you. I would say you need to become aware of the moments when your reactions are informed by how much you were hurt by your ex-boss's actions. Anytime you think of him (as in - so ex-boss was right - ) tell yourself that this isn't a moment to make a decision or act. You need to get rid of that very negative "ex-boss" voice that is keeping you insecure. Learn to recognize it, question it and let it go.

 

This is definitely true, and was exacerbated by my being sick when I started the thread. I still can't believe I left him that stupid voice mail. Fortunately, like I said this isn't the first time that he or I has had a "brat" moment like this. I'll work on that.

 

I think I'm going to have to tell him that story about my ex-boss as soon as possible so at least he knows why I keep doing stuff like that every so often. He's been very open and honest about his similar past issues.

 

Then later in the thread you say that you weren't sure you should call since you didn't need his help anymore. So what? You shouldn't be relying on excuses to call a guy you're interested in in the first place. You could call, tell him you've figured the solution to x is y and ask him how he's doing in his own studying. The way you're going about it sounds like self-protection over-drive to me.

 

This is very true. For some reason we both tend to do this, although I at least try to come up with realistic excuses We definitely need to move past it though. It's a little weird that we don't need an "excuse" to hang out, but for some reason we need an excuse to talk on the phone. Granted, I really don't like talking on the phone and he knows that, but I guess if it's something that he enjoys . . . and I'm guessing he does . . . then I'm going to have to learn to adjust.

 

To get back to my original point: in dating, you need to take risks. The way I see it, the sooner I find out a guy I'm interested in does not return my feelings (and it happens to everyone), the sooner I can move on. The longer I hang on to someone in spite of mutual mix messages, the more damage I might be doing to my self-esteem.

 

Here's what I don't get in all of this. This, as I've mentioned before, has been going on for a very long time. As you've mentioned, I tend to be overly self-protective and therefore haven't really contemplated getting involved with anyone except this guy. He's known me all this time and hasn't seen me date anyone. And yet, this goes on and on! When he does start dating someone temporarily, it's like he gets a boost of confidence and comes after me harder. Meanwhile, I get to listen to stories of how the other girl isn't the "one" for whatever reason and I end up feeling awful for the other girl. I mean, he says he's being clear about the parameters of the "relationship" but it's just a little strange that the other person always seems to have the impression that mores on the table than really is.

[Star Gazer]

Kamille's "voice of sanity", while certainly more articulate, is really no different than anyone else's opinion on this particular thread.

[SusanChess]

Kamille's "voice of sanity", while certainly more articulate, is really no different than anyone else's opinion on this particular thread.

 

No, no, I mean "voice of sanity" compared to Rachel or whatever, not anyone else. Once I gave you all more info, I think that everyone but her has been pretty consistent in their views.

[Racquel Colette]

Susan,

 

One thing I firmly believe in when it comes to dating is that it's always best to not let things drag on forever. I once had a crush on a guy for over a year, and in the end it turned out that even though he was interested in me at some point, the fact that I would hesitate and hope for who knows what signs from the heavens before making a move or moving on made it so that he moved on.

 

I think the reason you are getting the types of responses you are getting is because there are a lot of things that we don't understand.

 

Namely, if you aren't ready to date this guy right now (you said so in one of your replies) then risk losing him and leave him be. Most people I know consider that keeping people on the backburner is unethical.

 

Second, I think that in spite of all the excuses you give here (hell I'm a PhD student and I find time to call people, date and even fall in love), the reason why you are so skittish about calling, receiving or returning calls is because of your own insecurities.

 

This is perticularly obvious from your reaction to the first comments (Krytie's and Stargazer's) on this thread. You texted him to tell him you weren't going to bother him anymore? Obviously your past is haunting you. I would say you need to become aware of the moments when your reactions are informed by how much you were hurt by your ex-boss's actions. Anytime you think of him (as in - so ex-boss was right - ) tell yourself that this isn't a moment to make a decision or act. You need to get rid of that very negative "ex-boss" voice that is keeping you insecure. Learn to recognize it, question it and let it go.

 

Then later in the thread you say that you weren't sure you should call since you didn't need his help anymore. So what? You shouldn't be relying on excuses to call a guy you're interested in in the first place. You could call, tell him you've figured the solution to x is y and ask him how he's doing in his own studying. The way you're going about it sounds like self-protection over-drive to me.

 

To get back to my original point: in dating, you need to take risks. The way I see it, the sooner I find out a guy I'm interested in does not return my feelings (and it happens to everyone), the sooner I can move on. The longer I hang on to someone in spite of mutual mix messages, the more damage I might be doing to my self-esteem.

That guy you had a crush on really wasn't that into you; a guy who is really into you really make moves and don't 'move on'.

[Racquel Colette]

I assumed you were still talking about a 40-45 hour work week. And I still found it funny that you thought that this was in any way proof that you work hard compared to others.

 

Let me say this veeeerrrrryyyy ssssllllooowwwlllyyy so maybe you'll understand it this time.

 

1) He has asked me out several times. I said no. I may or may not be willing to date him in the future, and want to keep the door open in case I do decide that it would be a good idea. Hence the original question. Some of us don't immediately jump into the lap of every guy that expresses an interest. However, we do continue to hang out on occasion.

 

2) I wasn't making fun of your profession. My first post in response to your "suggestion" was that I, unlike many of my peers and professors, have a great deal of respect for teachers. It's you specifically that I have no respect for, and the way you're behaving I pity your students.

 

You're like a case study in what's wrong with the worst of special education teachers. You're whiny and seem convinced that no one has it worse off than you. Do you understand how many professions demand 70+ hour work weeks under pressure you apparently can't even fathom? Do you comprehend that even my schedule as an undergraduate puts yours to shame?

 

Apparently you haven't read anything more challenging than pop psychology/relationship books since 1963. You live your life by the guidelines of a self help book written by a TV writer and can't seem to wrap your head around anything else.

 

You're belittiling your own students by continuing to harp on this "special education class" you insist I need to take. I know that this is difficult for someone like you who can't fathom that different people come from different backgrounds, but people have different preferences when it comes to how they wish to communicate with others. I'm sure that you're the type of person who gabs endlessly on the phone while everyone around you (and the person you're talking to) wishes you would just shut up. I don't like talking on the phone, and I'm not alone in that either. My friends understand and respect that. Even if I loved chatting endlessly about this great book I read claiming to be the solution to everyone's relationship woes, I DON'T HAVE TIME ANYWAY!! Like I said, it's great that some people have a 40-50 hr work week. Not all of us do.

 

I'm not whiny about my job. It's the best job in the world. You know absolutely nothing about the education field, that is clear, because you go on speculation of people who are not even in the profession and base your judgements about my job and performance on a messageboard. People like to bash teachers who aren't teachers and who know absolutely nothing about the profession. Posting on a messageboard has nothing to do with my own job. the only reason I mentioned that is because you were claiming to know something about my field and you clearly do not. So don't go there. I simply posted, because you insisted on bashing me and my job to a personal level, and one of the things that make me a great teacher is the amount of time I spend at my job. My students are lucky; they are learning a lot and they know that and appreciate me. You might want to take a literature course to better hone your skills in reading comprehension, specifically the skill of interpreting text because there is no way that I was whining about my job. I also put in several hours at home, and I am pretty sure that your day does not equal mine in what I do on a daily basis. Sitting in a classroom taking notes is not nearly the same as teaching a room of 13-year-olds with learning disabilities how to read and write when they are several grade levels behind. In addition, you have no idea of the paperwork and all the juggling I do. No Wall Street executive has anything on me.

 

It was a joke, but it really is a basic skill to take a phone call. It's also a matter of common courtesy.

I don't sit and talk endlessly on the phone but I am social enough to chat long enough or return a phone call, especially when it is a guy I am interested in. I certainly wouldn't dodge a phone call from a man I was interested in, that would be crazy. Also this guy is already not interested because of how you have conducted yourself. You are thinking "oh, he is thinking it's cute and quirky" with the repeated messages "I'm going to call" "I won't bother you again" but he isn't. He's thinking you're a weirdo by this point. I'm not stating anything that several other posters here haven't posted. I happened to mention that returning a phone call is a basic skill, make a little joke about special education class, and you target me, when I'm saying the same thing as a lot of other posters. So don't bash me for that when I am simply stating the sentiments of the majority of the posters on this thread.

As far as that book, it's very basic and in a language you will understand, getting clearly to the point. There is nothing wrong with a dating book that makes sense. That is why I suggested it.

[SusanChess]

Sigh . . .

 

I never should have responded to you again, and I apologize. If it's wrong for you to make jokes at your students' expense, then it's equally wrong for me to belittle you when you're writing and reasoning to the best of your ability.

 

Feel free to respond with one more post whining about how I've said something that in reality I haven't said, implying that you as a Special Education teacher have a free pass to make jokes at your students' expense, or charging that I have low "reading comprehension." That last bit is doubly ironic. The first level of irony will be plain to anyone who reads our exchange. The second will have to remain under wraps as revealing it would effectively "out" me.

[sb129]

Obviously it was an exaggeration but you clearly do have social problems. I am a very good teacher, just received my review.

 

And feel the need to toot ones own horn.

 

No, it wasn't feeling smarter than your students. It's a statement that making and returning phone calls are very basic skills and you should be able to handle that. You may need to go out of your comfort zone a bit by returning phone calls and having conversations over the phone.

I already know I'm a good teacher; I don't need your validation or any studies. My principal had no reason to sit with me for a half hour, praising my teaching techniques, IEPs, classroom management, and positive learning environment I provide if he thought I was not an asset to his teaching staff. In this particular school district, there are plenty of applicants for positions, special ed. ones included. Also when I get positive remarks from parents telling me how much their child enjoys my class and how they are improving in reading and writing due since they have been in my class, I don't need your validation or any studies, LOL. This is funny. When I am busting my ass staying until 5:00 p.m. 4 days a week, I don't need your validation or that of any studies. LOL

 

But this is a post that screams of needing validation.

Who cares what anyone else on here thinks? If you know you are a good teacher, then you know. You shouldn't need to go on and on about it.

 

Heard of humility? And compassion for that matter? This isn't the only thread where I have noticed your ascerbic, unsympathetic, and often downright rude comments.

 

We have a saying where I am from- its called "pull your head in".

Work it out.

 

Susan- DON"T keep the guy on the backburner. Nothing you have said here would suggest that he is clingy creepy or needy but you haven't really given enough information for anyone to make those kind of assumptions.

 

Kamille is right- either go out with him, or don't. Leaving someone "in the wings" is bad news for them, and for you. You shouldn't really have to anaylse whether to call him or not for three or four pages- if you don't want to go out with him, leave the poor guy alone!

[SusanChess]

Thank you sb129, I think you're right on all points.

 

Let me ask you all this, though: how do I not "keep him on the back burner?" As I've said in passing, my ultimate interest in all of this is for him to be happy/not to be hurt by something I do out of fear, ignorance, or carelessness.

 

I've been criticized IRL both for "stringing him along" and for being too harsh in "rejecting" him. It seems like every time I resolve to try to cut ties on that level and behave more "coldly", it just makes him try harder until I reconsider (or whatever the problem was evaporates.)

 

So we've wound up in this back-and-forth situation where he starts flirting with me more, I encourage him, he gets excited and makes his move, something spooks me and I "reject" him, and we start all over.

 

However, I am determined that next time we're going to break this cycle one way or the other, and even if that means we end up not going out. My circumstances have changed, and there's now no external reason why we can't give dating a try.

 

Also, I need to correct the impression that I've left. When I said that I wasn't ready to pursue a relationship right now, I meant that I wanted to wait until after finals. So in a month I'd like to start something.

[SusanChess]

Also, do you all feel comfortable posting all the relevant details of your relationship problems here? Has anyone seen a situation where someone's IRL friends or the person being discussed found the thread? (I also started a thread on this topic in the "watercooler section.)

 

I'm trying to decide whether to pull all the details together into a complete picture for you guys so that the advice you give will be as informed as possible.