Trialbyfire Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 NOOOOOOOOOO! No more messages!!!! Just leave it be!!! The best advice yet. Susanchess, please, leave him be unless he calls or texts. The balls' are in his court, per se...
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 This thread made me laugh. I'm sorry I find this funny. Ok, reading back over this even I find it pretty funny. Sorry, you guys, I was blowing a very minor incident waaay out of proportion. You're just going to have to trust me that compared to other things that have happened between us, this is a tiny, tiny deal. He's well aware that I have "issues" and tend to do things like this anyway. (And don't even get me started on him ) There's also the detail that both times I didn't call there was ultimately no point in me calling anyway--what was I going to say: "Yeah, uh, I don't need help yet, bye?" Now ultimately, yes, I should have called him when I said I would. But really, I'm just a horrible "phone" person. I hate talking on the phone even under the best circumstances, and will do almost anything to avoid it. So, my friends know very well that they have about a 10% chance of me answering an incoming call, etc. Even with him I don't like being on the phone for more than a few minutes. (Which I'm sure he's noticed, since if he's really got something to say to me he'll do so at the beginning of the call and talk at about 100 words a minute.) So that + I'm not done with my prep work yet = yes I'm suddenly nervous to be calling you because my reason for doing so just evaporated, and I really don't want to just "chat" with you over the phone. What's most important to me right now is getting through this "breaker" course so I can head on off to grad school. So, I do need his help in a very real way, and no it really wasn't just an excuse to call him, lol. My choice for help is my crazy creepy professor and my friend. Under the circumstances I'm going for my friend. Sooo . . . I may or may not call him midweek depending on how far I get with the coursework and accompanying project. If not, I'll catch up with him over the weekend.
Star Gazer Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Sooo . . . I may or may not call him midweek depending on how far I get with the coursework and accompanying project. If not, I'll catch up with him over the weekend. You've already dug yourself a hole, now you're going to throw yourself in it?? Okaaaaayyyyyy.....
Meanmistermustard Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 If this is the beginning of your "relationship" I think it's getting off on the wrong foot. Lots of games being played here and it's really not healthy. The title of this thread shows that there are games going on. Seriously, I would just write this one off to experience and start again fresh with someone new. The waters are pretty muddied between the two of you and I get a sense that there's damage done that can't be repaired at this point. Take my word for it......
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 You've already dug yourself a hole, now you're going to throw yourself in it?? Okaaaaayyyyyy..... I'll take it you're still thinking that I should call him as soon as possible.
Trialbyfire Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I'll take it you're still thinking that I should call him as soon as possible. Don't call him at all. Stop contacting him. The last thing you want is to make him think he has a stalker.
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 If this is the beginning of your "relationship" I think it's getting off on the wrong foot. Lots of games being played here and it's really not healthy. The title of this thread shows that there are games going on. I think you're reading something into my posts that isn't there. We're not in a relationship, nor anywhere close to that point as far as I'm concerned (he might say differently because we're from totally different backgrounds) and who knows if I'll even decide if it's a good idea or not. I'm only giving you a tiny portion of my side of it, there's a lot more going on on both my side and his side. Ultimately, the point of my posts was asking "okay, how would most people feel if someone didn't call them twice?" and "what would make you feel the best if you were upset about it?"
EYECANDY000 Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 I dont think we should be so hard on susan, now hear me out!!! everyone has dont it once, twice , or thrice.. where they told someone tht they would call and never got around to it. Yes, things come out but somethimes its hard to call when you say you are. A lot of times I would tell someone that I am going to call and I may not be in the right atmosphere to give my full undivided attention. Point being, maybe this guy is busy and just havent gotten around to caling yet. on the other hand though , he may not be that anxious to call because susan you seem to be a little unstable and confusing. Im not sure if its the alcohol, nyquil, or just hurt because he hasnt called you back. If someone called me and asked when can they call me , I would be thinking well didnt you just call!. The best thing to do is just call and if they say they are busy to call back at 7 then thats the time they would be available. and If you call at 7 and they dont pick up, then now the ball is in their court to call back. They see that you have made the effort to call. Secondly, if someone calls, and then calls again and said disregard the last message, and calls again and say this is my last message. I would either a) call them back , if i am really interested and tell them whats being going on in my life that I wasnt able to call, or B) dont call back at all and let it be. Therefore no explanation is needed since you said this is you last message. Until then hopes everything works out.. and I have found out that you always regret the next day when you do drunk dialing...
Star Gazer Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 The last thing you want is to make him think he has a stalker. He's probably already reached that point! Susan, stop the madness! Stop calling! No more! No texts, no emails, no calls. Just stop!!
Trialbyfire Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 He's probably already reached that point! Susan, stop the madness! Stop calling! No more! No texts, no emails, no calls. Just stop!! You're probably right. I know I would feel that way. He can't read your mind or know why you're doing what you're doing. Regardless, it's too late for explanations. Flaking multiple times and then bombarding him with communications, isn't a good way to start things out. Let it die. If he contacts you in future, don't flake again and no bombarding. Promise things and follow through, otherwise, you'll remain forever in the Cornflake box.
lindya Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Ultimately, the point of my posts was asking "okay, how would most people feel if someone didn't call them twice?" I had a short-lived thing with a guy soon after splitting up with a long term bf, and he was very much like that. Texting all sorts of keenness, then flaking out then texting again to ask if we could meet up. I let the first flake out pass, but after the second one I deleted his number from my phone and didn't bother returning any more of his calls. Nobody needs to get screwed around by that kind of nonsense when they've just gone through a hard break up. There comes a point in life when you just don't feel like devoting time and energy to the contemplation of other people's wobbliness or flakiness. You just write them off as a waste of your time. and "what would make you feel the best if you were upset about it?" Not being around them. I don't enjoy finding myself as the subject of other people's guilt and self-recriminations, and would rather not listen to that kind of thing. Especially as it's often just gushing, self-absorbed/flagellating and fundamentally insincere noise.
Racquel Colette Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Honestly I wouldn't say you 'flaked out' because he didn't seem interested in the first place. Believe me, if he were interested he would have called you. The problem is you were getting all flustered about saying you would call a guy. You shouldn't have to call a guy, that is his job (if he's interested.) I just don't think he's interested in that way or you'd know it by now. Who's the one who's been calling? You. Not him. Rule of thumb - men who are interested call you. You look really pathetic and desperate when you tell a guy you will call him at such and such time because you are playing the man's role. Don't put yourself in that position again because you will never get a boyfriend that way.
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 Honestly I wouldn't say you 'flaked out' because he didn't seem interested in the first place. Believe me, if he were interested he would have called you. The problem is you were getting all flustered about saying you would call a guy. You shouldn't have to call a guy, that is his job (if he's interested.) I just don't think he's interested in that way or you'd know it by now. Who's the one who's been calling? You. Not him. Rule of thumb - men who are interested call you. You look really pathetic and desperate when you tell a guy you will call him at such and such time because you are playing the man's role. Don't put yourself in that position again because you will never get a boyfriend that way. OMG--for the last time you don't know the whole back history, and I'm also not telling you the things he's done that seem just as ridiculous and "pathetic!" Neither am I going to tell you (all but a fraction, which is in prior threads) since I don't believe in giving out other people's stories online. If he wants to come here and tell you about the stuff he's done over the years and recently, that's his business. Seriously, I don't know if maybe you had what seems like a similar situation in the past that you're grafting on to mine, but you're really starting to sound like you just have no clue what you're talking about. I'll also repeat for the last time I wasn't planning to call him for a deep romantic convo. I needed help w/my homework, that's all. However, I know he's more sensitive about stuff like that then I am . . . as just about everyone is. So, I just didn't want him to get the wrong idea. Like I said I hate talking on the phone and he knows that, which is probably why he got so darn giggly that I would call in the first place. He also just as obviously wasn't all that upset that I hadn't called him the first time since he sounded really happy to talk to me the next time we talked. Regardless, I'll talk to him next weekend.
Racquel Colette Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Could you please get that book He's Just Not That Into You today and read it? It will help you out a lot. If this guy were into you at all, he would have called and asked you out on a date this weekend. That is all I'm trying to tell you. the business with you calling and all that is really not the problem, the problem is he is just not into you at all and you are not realizing that and you are making excuses to convince yourself that he really is into you.
Jilly Bean Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 If he liked you at all, he would be calling you. Why are you pursuing a boy that's not interested?
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 You're probably right. I know I would feel that way. He can't read your mind or know why you're doing what you're doing. Regardless, it's too late for explanations. Flaking multiple times and then bombarding him with communications, isn't a good way to start things out. Let it die. If he contacts you in future, don't flake again and no bombarding. Promise things and follow through, otherwise, you'll remain forever in the Cornflake box. Like I said, we'll talk this weekend anyway. It sounds like you're thinking what I was originally thinking, just to wait until we either see each other or one of us has to call the other anyway. (By the way, I'm not sure where I was bombarding him with communications. I left him one text message and one vm. And then I left him one stuffed-up-nose medicine head induced vm (which he hasn't even gotten yet!) which trust me is nothing compared to the stuff he's pulled over the years.)
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 Could you please get that book He's Just Not That Into You today and read it? It will help you out a lot. If this guy were into you at all, he would have called and asked you out on a date this weekend. That is all I'm trying to tell you. the business with you calling and all that is really not the problem, the problem is he is just not into you at all and you are not realizing that and you are making excuses to convince yourself that he really is into you. Okay, maybe I hadn't made that clear in this thread. He has asked me out multiple times, and I've refused. I'm not even interested in dating him at this moment, but I'm thinking about it for later.
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 If he liked you at all, he would be calling you. Why are you pursuing a boy that's not interested? Because I probably wouldn't even answer. Like I said I hate talking on the phone and he knows that. If we're having a phone conversation it's more like "OK I'm early/late" for whatever we're planning to do when we hang out. If you want to talk to me you pretty much have to make arrangements to hang out so we can talk face to face, all of my friends know that.
Jilly Bean Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Because I probably wouldn't even answer. Like I said I hate talking on the phone and he knows that. If we're having a phone conversation it's more like "OK I'm early/late" for whatever we're planning to do when we hang out. If you want to talk to me you pretty much have to make arrangements to hang out so we can talk face to face, all of my friends know that. LOL - you're joking, right? You are basically stalking some guy who never calls you, shows you no interest, and now you claim if he were to call you, you wouldn't even take his call? Susan? Do you even see how f**ked up this is?
Racquel Colette Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 So you wouldn't take a guy you are interested in's call? I'm sure if he called, you would take it. If you were interested, you would. Fact is, he's not calling you in the first place which means he's not interested. Is he calling you to meet up face-to-face like you have stated? Nope. So what does that tell you, hon?
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 So you wouldn't take a guy you are interested in's call? I'm sure if he called, you would take it. If you were interested, you would. Fact is, he's not calling you in the first place which means he's not interested. Is he calling you to meet up face-to-face like you have stated? Nope. So what does that tell you, hon? He has several times, and I haven't taken the call. Which is why he's aware that I hate taking phone calls. Actually, he is calling me to meet up some of the time, which is why I keep saying that you don't know the whole situation!
Author SusanChess Posted November 25, 2007 Author Posted November 25, 2007 LOL - you're joking, right? You are basically stalking some guy who never calls you, shows you no interest, and now you claim if he were to call you, you wouldn't even take his call? Susan? Do you even see how f**ked up this is? Basically stalking with one text and two vms. Oookay.
EYECANDY000 Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 So, Susanchess are you saying that if he regarding the messages u left last night, and called you today to talk about homework you wouldn't pick up the phone? because basiclly that's the whole point of conversing right?
Racquel Colette Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 Why would you hate to take a guy's call who you like and are interested in dating? This makes absolutely no sense. If he calls, answer it or if you are unable to pick up, call him back as soon as you can. That is stupid to not take a guy's call who you are interested in. Also, nothing wrong with trying to say 'hey, what's up, how was your day?" I mean there is nothing to fear from a conversation over the phone. It might end with him asking you for a date. You need to master the basic social skill of answering a phone call.
Star Gazer Posted November 25, 2007 Posted November 25, 2007 He has several times, and I haven't taken the call. Which is why he's aware that I hate taking phone calls. If you don't answer a guy's call, and don't call him back (which is what you've been doing until now when you've bombarded him with contact), he probably assumes you're not interested. Then calling him and texting him repeatedly over a short period of time, while saying that you won't take his call if/when he does call you back, makes you appear...just...not right. You've said you haven't been allowed to date/don't know the rules/whatever...well, we're just trying to show you the ropes. Why are you being so resistant?
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