Why does she insist on being mean

[omit]

My girlfried has broken up with me for about a month now.

 

We have barley spoken. She e mialed me to say she has started dating another guy but misses me and compares every thign to me.

 

I never replied, then a week or two later she talks to me on msn. I said litle and nohing. Recently I have been missing her and wanted her to know that she ment the world to me. Since we broke up I never said how i really felt.

 

So i e mialed her and explained that i found it hard to talk about how i felt. and said that she meant every thing to me. I explained how i felt that it was hard to tell what i would gain or what else i could loose by saying.

 

Her replay was I still love you but its not going to work out right now we are living seprate lives and dont e mial me when your drunk you sound like a blubbering idiot, and its unattractive.

 

I couldnt understand, i was not drunk or drinking she was the one missing words in her reply. Is there somthing im missing is she pissed off that i am evasive over msn when she tried to talk to me or is it that she her self may have been drunk?

 

I feel like after every thing she just seems to resent me for no reason and shes the one who droped the ball on me. So yesterday i threw the ring she game me into the sea and promised to never contact her again

 

any ideas people

[johan]

It can't be explained. Maybe she feels more comfortable expressing her true self to you. But it was smart to throw the ring, and I hope you keep your vow.

[burning 4 revenge]

Shes probably found someone she likes better. Women will be into you intensely and then someone else will not only meet their needs, but exceed them and you lose your value as a means to an end.

 

I hope you keep your vow also

[omit]

Yea you could be right, I feel kinda mad about it. There was no need to call me a blubbering idiot. Why does she say she loves me and that i mean the world to her.

 

Its crazzy i dont know how she cud love me and be so cold. Id rather she never said she still loves me.

 

My question to her would be if you love me then why break us up?

 

confusing i think shes guilty or somthing

[Trialbyfire]

Seems pretty obvious to me. She doesn't believe what you said.

 

What were the reasons for the breakup?

[Krytie TV]

Sounds like a power play to me. When you weren't responding, she was being nice to get you to respond. Once you responded and "opened up to her" she became a bitch. This is pretty simple stuff. She's getting a kick out of doing this to you.

[Trialbyfire]

It's kind of funny to see the difference in interpretation. Man-speak v. woman-speak. You wonder why so many so many relationships fall apart?

[omit]

Reasons for beaking up were:

 

1. she felt it wasnt working

 

2. she felt she was not able to be her self

 

3. we were engaged and she felt she didnt want a serrious relationship

 

4.She said she felt it was not right to keep me in a relationship thats longer than distance

 

5. Lots of stuff

 

we were doing long distance, me in Ireland her in californua.

 

Its weird i feel like shes the one, I have this weird feeling it will be ok think im being nieve.

 

Hate not being able to do any thing about it

[amaysngrace]

She's being mean to try to hurt you with the same intensity that you've hurt her.

 

Why should she be the only one to invest in a relationship and end up feeling like crap? Yeah it's stupid but it happens all the time.

[omit]

You must of got it worng, she broke up with me. It started off with me trying to tell her i love her

[amaysngrace]

You must of got it worng, she broke up with me. It started off with me trying to tell her i love her

 

 

Yeah she broke up with you because you weren't treating her right. She wasn't able to be herself. That says a lot. Then you don't contact her. Ouch some more. Because it makes her feel like she's easy to get over. Easily forgotten. She means nothing. From her point of view anyhow.

 

So yeah you hurt her. Which is why she is being mean.

[omit]

I can see were your coming from, Should I say sorry?

 

Ill be honest i want her back but shes the other side of the word. She ment the world to me and I did treat her right,I will agree that i have contributed to the out come of the relationship. paying for that now.

 

Would i be just better getting out of her life completly?

[Harpe]

I have to strongly disagree with amaysngrace.

 

It has nothing to do with how you treated her during or after your breakup, but how you made her feel…

If she broke up with you, her attraction for you was no longer what it was, maybe you came on too strongly and a little desperate (you said you loved her…she obviously did not feel the same way, even though she says she does).

 

When you spilled your guts to her over the email you made yourself even more unattractive in her eyes…As much as women say they want a sensitive man, one who will share their feelings…you cannot go overboard and spill out your heart, ESPECIALLY if she has broken up with you. It will not get her back. As perverse as it sounds, it will lessen your value as a man in her eyes. For a man should be strong enough to be able to move on without looking back. He has bigger and better things to do than to spend his energies on a woman who does not appreciate his value and love.

 

Krytie hit the nail on the head…it was a power play. She wants to still have power over you, even though she DOES NOT LOVE YOU. If she loved you, she would still be with you and not with another guy…. ACTIONS NOT WORDS, ALWAYS…Her telling you that she loves you is her way of keeping power over you, of having one over on you….She needs this power because she herself is weak….

 

The best thing you can do now is to be a man and accept that it is over….If she contacts you again I would advise you to wish her well in life/new relationship/whatever, and then MOVE ON with your life and let her know that you are moving on…As hard as it will be you must TAKE ACTION, get out of the house and start reconnecting with friends, working out, meeting new people, etc…. You will take the high road and no longer be playing into her games, and retain what little power you can hold on to, because it WILL help you get over her, knowing that you have the strength to move on… If she calls/emails DO NOT RESPOND….She is just trying to get you in her power again. Go into NO CONTACT for your own sanity….She may stop calling, or she may hate that she doesn’t have power over you and call even more….all the same you will not give in to her games, because you are a MAN and you are stronger than her. When you are doing better, maybe answer a call/email, but give her no validation that you still love/pine for her….

 

And you must learn from this experience if you going to grow and mature and not make the same mistakes in your next relationship (i.e. opening up yourself too soon/too fully). You said that it was hard for you to tell her how you felt after you broke up because you KNEW that it was the wrong thing to do….But you probably have watched movies/TV that show a guy doing that and then getting the girl….IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. Only when you find someone who you know loves you (by HER telling YOU first and by her actions and not only her words), can you start to relax a little….but DO NOT GO OVERBOARD like in the movies….

 

Protect your heart, for you only get one….do not give it to a woman who will not appreciate it, or you might be too messed up to have a real, loving relationship when you find a woman who does!

[Harpe]

Oh yeah, one more thing.

 

DO NOT APPOLOGIZE TO HER!

Do not mention your email to her again. you have moved on,

and it no longer matters to you....keep telling yourself that,

and believe it!

[omit]

Thanks for your adivce, your right i have to accept it and move on. do you think she will ever want to be with me?

 

This is probably stupid to ask but im currious if she will ever make an attempt at it again. I know for me the only way would be for here to turn up here in ireland at my door.

 

but thanks again folks