How do i get over the anger?

[SunnyLady]

Hi everyone!

 

Its been two months since my ex left me!

 

I have successfully dealt with feelings of sorrow, sadness and misery. I have improved as well, thanks to this forum.

 

However now it seems as though i am plauged with a certain emotion-anger... and i do not know how to deal with this.

 

When thoughts of his behaviour come to mind, i get so angry!! This guy made me feel inadequate and used. His emotional abuse and constant criticisms taunt me everyday. I can't believe how much i took from this guy!! He would do awful things to me, disrespect me, treat me with such wreckless abandon, take advantage of the fact that i loved him. YET i remained and still begged him to stay with me!! I feel so outraged!

 

How do i deal with this anger? Its consuming me! Sometimes i weep from anger. All my love thrown into my face. And i stood there giving him my all. He used me as a means to an end. And yet he left me and i begged for him. I was willing to do anything for him and i had no set standards relative to him.

 

Now i am angry. I feel used, rejected, abused and i feel like hurting him...not physically but emotionally. I feel causing him so much hurt but i posses that power no longer. Now he is casually involved with someone, eating his cake and having it. He owes her no obligations and comminitements yet he is gaining sexual gratification which makes it so easy for him to ignore me. (the commimtent level was what brought about our conflicts now he is getting what i couldnt give gim i.e a phyiscal relationship without commitments). He must feel so self satisfied.

 

I just need to know how i can overcome this rage, anger and bitterness. I gave him so much yet he gave me so little. I over compromised i took **** from him. Now i feel so used and stupid. We are still in theory "friends" and i hate the fact that he feels he has me as a friend. Last night it was so tempted to send him an email letting him know how babaric he was and that i can see clearly now. (during the relationship i was too scared to voice my thoughts for fear of him leaving, everything i said amounted to "unnecessary complaints").

But i was adviced not to by a few friends. And now i think to msself...is he going to get away with this? Is he going to walk...just like that. Never realise how horrible his actions were... wow.

 

Sorry for the ramble. I just need to know how i can beat this anger.

please help!!!

[MattyTee]

Hey Sunny,

 

Believe me I know how you feel. Anger can come even when we aren't treated that badly, take it from me!

 

I have a feeling that a lot of our anger is really not directed at the ex but at ourselves (that's not to say that we don't feel angry towards them as well). Perhaps we are angry because we let ourselves be treated like that? Perhaps we are angry that we didn't make a stand and lay down some boundaries?

 

Maybe that's only part of it. I found an interesting way to deal with my anger last night. I went out for my usual run but a lot faster than usual. Every time I felt the anger come back I'd speed up and after a few miles I simply didn't feel angry any more. I feel a little bit of it today and I'm at work - they'll think I'm nuts if I start running up and down the stairs.

 

As for being friends, that's something that you need to decide for yourself and put your foot down about. If you aren't happy being friends with him ... don't be!

 

Also, great anger relief - thump the hell out of a pillow.

[Trialbyfire]

Anger can be a useful tool or it can be debilitating. You decide if you want it to control you or you will control it, to accomplish a task.

 

I'm only going to give you the more healthy ways that I used to address my anger. I did other things as well, things that were my personal choice, therefore, are solely my responsibility.

• Talk it out with your support group of friends and family.
  
• Seek out a professional, such as a therapist or counselor.
  
• If you feel like it, vent on him. As long as you can handle his response, which could come in any form or his complete lack of response.
  
• Do something physical, like take up running or working out.
  
• If you already have an exercise regime, bump it up to the point where it tires you out.

[child_of_isis]

One good thing about anger, it can easily be turned into determination.