stevessvt Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 My wife of 16 years moved out about 6 months ago, and took my daughter and moved in to her parents house. For 3 months I tried with all my might to get her to come back, but after being told 2 times she didnt want me any more, and recinding on going to a counselor, I picked up the pieces and am moving on. I now realise the last couple years where purely a marriage of convienence. I know what I want. I want companionship. I want friendship. I want the love that has been missing in my life. I am going ahead with a divorce from her. And almost 2 months ago I joined a dating web site that has resulted in a few 1 time dates. But thats it. Never has one resulted in a second date. In my portrait I try to be funny, and I proclaim my self to be a gentleman, complete with flowers given when we meet. But I know the real reason. I have always known. I am unattractive. Not elephant man ugly, but just not good looking enough for anyone to have a second date with me. I know its been a relatively short amount of time on the dating scene, but I thought by now someone would show a little interest in me. But I guess not.
aeren944 Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I would say give it more time. I'm in your boat, I think. I think I may be generally unattractive. But, I met my current girlfriend completely randomly, and we just hit it off. Sometimes, the dating scenes and dating sites aren't the best places to meet the right ladies. Just give it time!
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Is your dating profile picture completely different from what you look like in real life? If not, the problem isn't your appearance - it's probably chemistry, which you cannot control. You're not going to hit it off with every gal you meet in person. I consider myself to be above-average in appearance, and I've had tons of first-date-onlies. It could also be that these women are concerned that your marriage isn't really over, you haven't filed for divorce, etc. Many women won't even date a man until his divorce is long since final.
omit Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Its quite a common feeling your having, My feancy broke up with me about a month and a half ago. I am trying dating sites and its not working. Best thing is not all nice woman are looking for a brad pit. Dazel them with your charm kindness and wit. keep your chin up and know that your not the only one in this position.
Author stevessvt Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 Is your dating profile picture completely different from what you look like in real life? If not, the problem isn't your appearance - it's probably chemistry, which you cannot control. You're not going to hit it off with every gal you meet in person. I consider myself to be above-average in appearance, and I've had tons of first-date-onlies. It could also be that these women are concerned that your marriage isn't really over, you haven't filed for divorce, etc. Many women won't even date a man until his divorce is long since final. Thanks for responding. My pic on the portrait was taken 2 months ago, and if anything, I may have lost a little weight since then. I have filed divorce, and she has been served. But I know what you are saying.
Author stevessvt Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 Thanks everyone. I am trying to stay positive. Its been difficult, since my wife left.
Star Gazer Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 It seems like it would be best to repair the hurt you've experienced instead of trying to get right back out there...
johan Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 What is so wrong with you? It's not your looks. It's the fact that you have the same problem everyone else has: you can't be happy if you aren't being loved by someone. This is the cruel trick of humanity. It's the first thing that the biochemists should be trying to find gene therapies to fix.
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 What is so wrong with you? It's not your looks. It's the fact that you have the same problem everyone else has: you can't be happy if you aren't being loved by someone. This is the cruel trick of humanity. It's the first thing that the biochemists should be trying to find gene therapies to fix. In order to be loved, you have to be prepared to give love. Something to consider.
Author stevessvt Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 I now realise that my marriage was not fullfilling at all when it came to love. I am so ready to both give and get loved.
johan Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I think it's a crap shoot whether you're giving it or getting it. I've given it several times and not had it returned. I've fallen for women, only to have things fall apart after she and I had both given what we had. There is no way to know. There are no relationships that I see around me that I want to emulate. Love is a curse. Ask Hulk Hogan.
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I now realise that my marriage was not fullfilling at all when it came to love. I am so ready to both give and get loved. Are you? If so, be prepared to give as good as you get. Don't be afraid to expect more from someone, if it's the level you expect to give yourself. Don't settle. As for the initial question, online dating sites tend to defeat themselves. The primary focus of them, is all about seeing someone in a pic, reading a few excerpts about them, then wanting to get to know them. While it maybe more convenient and less threatening to be able to select your mate through a vending machine, more often than not, what you select isn't what you get. Be patient steve. It will happen for you.
johan Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 As for the initial question, online dating sites tend to defeat themselves. The primary focus of them, is all about seeing someone in a pic, reading a few excerpts about them, then wanting to get to know them. While it maybe more convenient and less threatening to be able to select your mate through a vending machine, more often than not, what you select isn't what you get. I think that's just as likely to happen regardless of how you meet someone. The odds are just as great that what you end up with isn't what you thought it was going to be.
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I think that's just as likely to happen regardless of how you meet someone. The odds are just as great that what you end up with isn't what you thought it was going to be. It depends on how realistic you are about yourself and your expectations. If you demand more than you're willing to give, you're not going to get a meeting of minds. Words are meaningless. Only actions count.
jcster Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Im just so lonely.... Loneliness is a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad (bad, bad) reason to look for a relationship. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely, and the main reason is how you view yourself. It sounds to me like your self-esteem has taken a huge hit (divorces will do that, i know), and you are looking to these dating sites to perk up your self-esteem. Now, you have come to the conclusion that you are ugly, and that's why no-one wants you. Pull yourself together! Until you can be by yourself without being lonely, and until you can take rejection without crumbling, you are in no condition to date. The women you are contacting can smell your desperation 1000 miles away. Be thankful that most of them are running. If you happen to meet someone that is attracted to the pain you are broadcasting, RUN! you can't be happy if you aren't being loved by someone. This is the cruel trick of humanity. It's the first thing that the biochemists should be trying to find gene therapies to fix. I don't agree. Humans need love, I agree, but it doesn't have to be romance, and it doesn't have to flow one way. What about friendship? The more friends I have, the less lovers I want. Make a friend, help someone out, give love and it will come back to you. Stop looking for someone to charge you up like a battery and start living.
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