loquaciousl Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Man. Ex bf and I dated five months. He emailed me to break up...said he wasn't in love anymore, and hadn't been for awhile. I was madly in love with him. We'd been having problems but I thought it was gonna be okay. After this shoe dropped it was excruciating. Didn't sleep for a few weeks...etc...even yesterday at Thanksgiving I had a hard time. He called me tonight. Said he was sorry and glad "we could talk." He also told me he's moving out of his parents (a bone of contention, as he's 34, and had been living there for a year after his divorce)...and I told him I'm happy with him. We had a trite convo and that was that. Here's the thing. He broke up with me. He broke my heart. This has been hard but I want to be with someone who wants me and won't just bail when things get tough, as I think he did. I think he wants to be friends, or something, but the hardest part for me is that I still love him...but I know you can love someone even if they aren't necessarily right for you. I still miss him but he told me the aforementioned things and it just broke me. I'm doing okay, but still, I have feelings for him. I won't tell him how I "feel"...though, because when he broke up with me he lost that privelege. The irony is we were really good together. When I started holding him accountable for his actions, he became distant with me....that's what I think contributed to this breakup. I know I need to give it more time, to get over it. It's only been a month. But why did he call??? I just don't understand. Help!
vcrandom42 Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I'm going through a similar thing - 4.5 month relationship ended last month (I called him on his lying) and now the ex doesn't want to "lose" the friendship. I think there are many reasons they do this, some of which are simpler than others: 1) he misses you - not so surprising, because even "the dumper" sometimes goes through doubts & remorse after the breakup (especially if you guys had a good thing going) 2) at some level, he's trying to make himself feel better or less guilty by reaching out (like if you accept him as a friend, what he did wasn't "so wrong") 3) he's finally making a big decision for himself (ie, moving out of the parents' place) and wanted to tell you...out of PRIDE/EGO. Or he called you because he knew you'd be proud/supportive of him - in a way, fulfilling your old role as gf/friend... maybe he's at a low point right now and needed to show you his strong side 4) he wanted out of the relationship for whatever reason but doesn't want to completely sever ties because he's a) not sure he did the right thing or b) wants to be able to run back to you at any time 5) all of the above, in some form. ----------------------- I don't know which one it is for your guy. My ex claims to be friends with all his exes, including his exwife (it's true, they have a very amicable relationship) but it kills me to even see him at this point, much less talk to him, so I'm doing NC. I think everyone goes through those moments where something happens in your life and you want to pick up the phone and share it with that person - because you KNOW them and how they'd react. And they *used* to be part of your support network. I have those moments, and it's hard. But I think you hit the nail on the head when you called it a privilege. Backing out of a relationship (for BS reasons and/or sociopathic lying, in my case) is essentially forfeiting the right to be as involved in that person's life as you once were. To want to be "BFF" after all of that baggage is damn near impossible (until you've both truly moved on). Hang in there. I feel your pain, my sleep schedule is all f-ed up, too.
honey001 Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 You already answered your question! If he wants you back, he has to work for it first'...... you really dont deserve to be a rebound for him, he cant just pick you up and throw you away when ever he feels like it!!!!! If you do consider taking him back, just take your time to get to know him again.. It will not be the same second time around' you will always have second thoughts in your head.. you will have to find the trust you once had for him again! ' its not going to be an easy process' But good luck
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