Totally and utterly miserable.

[Krying]

Well it's a week shy of 2 months since my ex officially left me. During this time I've had periods of being busy and trying not to think of her. However I always end up thinking of her, day dreaming of our life together, then going over all the scenarios and figuring out how I should or could have done things differently. Heck I even have discussions with her in my head.

 

Then there have been the times where I will literally not get out of bed. I'll sleep for as long as I can before I'm forced to get up and face the world.

 

My outlook on life has always been that things work out for the best. No matter what, have faith, and hope that life will go on and the girl I long to be with will enter my life at some point.

 

Now imagine this situation where even your core spiritual faith, and the feelings of hope have been shattered. I now no longer care if I eat, sleep, even brush my teeth. I am so shattered and distraught after having my ex leave me.

 

She was the absolute most amazing girl I have ever been in a relationship with. A year ago I had a fiance walk out on me one day after looking at wedding rings. That was hell, but after the initial stage, I never wanted her back. I still had some faith I would meet someone awesome again, but never in my wildest dreams figured I would meet the girl of my dreams. And I still dream of her. Everyone has an image of a person they desire to be with. The person of their "dreams" so to speak. Well I met mine and was able to put a face to this dream girl.

 

I seriously just want to die. It's been 2 months and I can think of nothing but her. I have gone on a few outings with some girls I've met on an online dating site. I had no expectations, but everything we did only reminded me of the ex.

 

It is not getting any better. Time is not healing anything. And I've been through this before. I thought I'd be stronger here, but my heart is bleeding for the ex. And my faith spiritually and materially is shattered to the core. I was never anything but faithful, honest and caring to this girl. All the girls I have loved have left me. I have no faith anymore, no hope, no desire to even do anything. I just sleep hoping the day will end as soon as possible so the next day will appear. I eat when I feel like it, and just mope around all the time.

 

This is so freaking sad. I really am a loser. I would give my life to have my ex back. Anything and everything I own. Yet all I have is grief.

[taylor3205]

Thats the way I feel right now. Thats all I can say.

[cant let go]

same here. Been crying on and off the last few days. I thought being home for the holiday would help me not to think about him. But it seems that I'm thinking about him even more. Everywhere I turn I either meet a guy with the same name as my ex or read in a book with a character with his name or every person on TV or in the movies has his name. He is haunting me. I loved everything about him. My dream guy. I can relate to every line of your post. I still haven't showered today and it is 6:30pm.

[sedgwick]

It's been four months for me and I'm still devastated. I get out of bed, I go to work. But I have a book due Jan 15 and I'm nowhere near done. It just doesn't seem worth it. He broke up with me because I'm not a musician like he is, and now everything I do and everything I love just seems stupid and insignificant. I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I'm just a writer and bellydancer, not a musician like he is.

 

I know I'll never love anyone again; I met the man I'll love for the rest of my life. And I gave everything I had to him. I have never tried so hard to be a good person, to be the best possible version of myself, ever. And it wasn't good enough, because I wasn't a musician. I offered to get us an apartment with the money from my advance and he didn't want it. He didn't want to live with me. I wasn't good enough.

 

So I know how you feel. I have no idea what it must be like to be a guy who gets left by girls; I know my ex was destroyed when his ex (also a writer, but she was good enough for him even though she wasn't a musician) left him. All I do is beat myself up for not being as good a writer as she must have been so that he could love me like he loved her. I'd write him a million novels and a play if he'd just talk to me again.

 

I wonder what it would be like to be the one who does the leaving instead of the one who gets left. Every guy I date leaves me. I've broken up with two people in all my 36 years. All the rest have left me. I'd give anything in the world just to be good enough for someone. I just want to know what it feels like to be treasured.

[k10k]

Hey Krying,

 

I'm also round the 2 month mark, and I can totally relate to how you are feeling - but give yourself some more time, 2 months is still very early days!

 

I am nowhere near ready to meet other people and I'm sure that if I do, I will only end up being reminded of my ex too. When I go out to see friends, drive in my car, I see reminders of him everywhere - it really sucks, but is totally normal and part of the process. I even find it really hard to go to the shops/mall and on many occasions I end up walking around with a huge lump in my throat and bursting into tears when I get back to my car.

I've decided to give myself the time I need to get through this - and just accept what the situation is and accept that I will feel miserable on some days, and hopefully better on others.

 

I know you feel that you have no faith left in you, that it has been totally shattered, but don't give up! We all need to have faith that we will gain something from this horrible experience, and believe that in time we will get to go through more enjoyable experiences again. We all deserve to be happy.

 

Please don't think that you are a loser, try to be good to yourself and find that hope again!

[jennyfur01]

I feel your pain. My ex left me around 9 weeks ago. I'm so devistated still. Every day is a struggle and I cry hard about it almost everyday. I keep hoping he'll have a change of heart, and we still talk, but thinking about him eventually dating other people kills me. I'm sitting here crying while I type this. I just wish it would stop hurting so bad. I can barely deal with the day to day things. I think all of my friends and family are tired of hearing about it. I just don't know what to do.

I hope it gets better for all of us.

[Krying]

I feel your pain. My ex left me around 9 weeks ago. I'm so devistated still. Every day is a struggle and I cry hard about it almost everyday. I keep hoping he'll have a change of heart, and we still talk, but thinking about him eventually dating other people kills me. I'm sitting here crying while I type this. I just wish it would stop hurting so bad. I can barely deal with the day to day things. I think all of my friends and family are tired of hearing about it. I just don't know what to do.

I hope it gets better for all of us.

 

Yes this is how it is for me. I many aspects I am completely alone now.

[JCD]

Give it one more year and you'll feel better then. I understand your pain but you two just weren't meant to be. If you were you would be together. Keep reminding yourself of that. Some day you will meet a new girl that will make you happy and you'll be glad that this one you pine for left you to allow you to find another. Trust me.

[Jmina]

everything is exactly how it is meant to be. if people have broken up it means one of them or both of them have soul searching to do.

 

the universe doesnt care if you are in a situation you want to be in or not it only cares about your soul and what the right path is for you.

 

acceptance, trust, harmony and flow. its all inside you. when you dont trust, when you dont flow, there is no harmony and peace of mind. this doesnt mean pretend that your not hurt and sad, it means while you are hurt and while you are sad at your lowest, trust that you are in the EXACT spot that you are meant to be in and you will know why sooner or later. You will be fine.

 

understand the perfection in everything as it is. right here, right now. the universe knows whats best for each of us. at every moment its all perfect as far as our soul is concerned.

 

You wont learn and grow if it doesnt hurt.

 

You will learn and grow more, the more it hurts.

 

You are here for a reason far beyond the decisions your gf has made.

 

I know how you feel, and i agree with JCD. Give yourself a year then you will be a completely different person once you have come through this.

 

 

oh and also, if it keeps happening to you maybe your not getting the lesson. get in touch with your mind body and spirit and the pattern WILL stop.

Jmina

x

[desertguy]

In all honesty, 2 months is WAY too early to be doing any dating, even if it's just casual. Your relationship was deep, and it's going to take a while. Time is the only thing that's going to heal you. Sorry, don't know what else to say, been there myself, had deep depression, thoughts of suicide, but I started coming out of it after a few months, and eventually came out of it stronger than before. This is transient, don't give up hope.

[Jmina]

~EDIT ~(timer ran out)

working out is an essential tool to revovery. theres nothing like being physically exhausted to lose emotional and mental baggage.

 

 

oh and also, if it keeps happening to you maybe your not getting the lesson. get in touch with your mind body and spirit instead of getting inside and doing EVERYTHING you can possibly do for your girls. this is probably why they keep leaving you. you havnt taken care of yourself. Each girl has been a valuable lesson and has served you in someway. and the lesson are good. you are good. it is nothing to be bitter about and it is all to be open minded-hearted about!! TIME HEALS ONLY IF YOU USE IT TO YOUR BENIFET! why do you think people still have baggage after 50 years! if time healed then they would be free! but they are not.

I suspect that you havent healed yet because you might not have effienctly made any of the breakups about you. they are all about your ex.

Try this and the pattern WILL stop.

 

take care krying!!!!

 

Jmina

[Krying]

Thank you for your responses people.

 

I however do not agree that this is exactly what is meant to happen, and that it is all perfect. That does not mean I can change the outcome however. But to embrace the notion that it was meant to be, so don't worry about it and be happy is like putting my head in the sand. I have never felt at anytime in my life the things I felt during this relationship.

 

As far as learning anything from this, yes I have learned something. Never trust a women. Never. While being told to my face I had nothing to worry about even though my gut feeling told me something was really wrong, the truth of the matter was there was something to worry about. I failed because I trusted someone I loved. Why would I put myself in a situation like that again. Why would I ever trust a women again after what has happened.

 

I don't care whether I wakeup tomorrow or not. I have lived and experienced a life I will never again attain. I'd rather just fall in front of a subway train than walk around with the idea that it's all good. It's not. I've lost yet again. Clearly I am a loser, or why would the person I love leave me.

[Jmina]

just trust us on this one krying. weve been there too. ive been there. and everything is perfect because it is how it is MEANT to be. it doesnt mean it doesnt suck, it doesnt mean that its not hardest thing ever. it means that it has happened and it was meant to happen.

it doesnt mean stick your head in the sand and pretend it didnt happen, you still have to grieve, that is where the lessons come from. you can trust woman, but can they trust you to be your own best friend?

 

im sure you did everything for them and you were great to them. but where you great to you as well?

 

maybe, maybe not.

 

suicide is not the answer either!

[bigheartkindsoul]

Not all women are untrustworthy, same as all men are not all untrustworthy.

 

But take it from someone whose been where you are now only a few weeks ago, it is not worth ending your life for. The down times the depressed times slowly make way for more happy times.

 

You are not the loser, they are, same as the one I loved left me, whose lost out? Him of course - why, well cause I cannot imagine him finding anyone who will love him and care for him as much as I did even after what he did in the beginning of our relationship.

 

It will take time, but you will get past these feelings of despair - I am, slowly but surely.

 

And if I do, I still have some wicked fun times in between and you will too.

 

{{{{hugs}}}}

[Heartbroken_07]

Ive feel exactly the same way. Im lost. Im depressed. I dont eat. i stay up all night long thinking and re-writing a letter for him over and over because i cant seem to get it right, and then sleep all day! I cant stop thinking about him and what might have been. It hasnt been months for me only about a week but my pain has not subsided in the least. Im so sorry for what your going through. I know its hard! Im there right with you! I have no words of advice only encouragement. If only I had some words of advice to give maybe I could take it myself! Just keep your head up, keep posting your thoughts and feelings. Everything does happen for a reason and even though we may not know what that reason is yet..One day we will, and you'll be able to look back on all this and smile. Why? because you'll be a better and stronger person for it. Good luck with everything!

[Krying]

Another day of heartache and misery. This is my 184th post on LS and will be my last. What occurs from this point on, I don't know.

 

I could continue on in my miserable life and just accept the fact I will never again be with the one I love. I could just end it all and be done with it. Or I could pretend it's all good and was meant to happen.

 

I really don't care anymore. Each day is meaningless. Rather than living the life I want to live, I'm stuck in this spiral of regret, suffering, hate and misery. My birthday is soon and will be total hell. Christmas even worse. I don't discount the fact I may fall in love again, but I know for certain the life I was living, the person I was with, I will never have that again. Some people do meet the loves of their lives and I know in every breath I took while with her I was the luckiest and happiest person in the world.

 

So take care everyone and I hope you're lives continue to, or end up being truly happy.

[carrotgirl]

Oh gee. I feel like a right turd now for not trying just a wee bit harder.

 

Krying, I've been in work hell the past couple of days but you were on my list of give good thoughts to from afar and that's got to count for something.....

 

Your last post was so dramatic and final! This will sound just awful, but on the one hand I want to comfort you and on the other hand I've always thought if you're going to be miserable then be superbly, extraordinarily miserable. I'm wishing I could be as free with it as you are.

 

Be miserable to the sixth power! Wear your misery like a shroud. Wallow! Get good and funky. Make it your hallmark, like, I think if I could accomplish that people might whisper there goes Carrot, she's such a miserable person.

 

That could be kind of cool.....

[Surfer Girl]

Krying I do hope you will post again... as it really helps to vent... something we all need... 2 months is not a long time.... And I can totally relate to feeling the way you do.... That all dreaded word TIME.... no-one will really know how long it takes... Maybe one breath.... one moment... one day... Hugs....