4givrnt4gtr Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I had an interesting conversation with my bf today... I asked him to describe me, as if he was describing me to a stranger... He listed my qualities, saying I am smart, driven, focused, understanding, a bit of a smartass...then he mentioned i am quiet, which surprised me a bit coming from him...but have heard it before. Then he said that I dont really ask for what I want, that I need to be more vocal about what I need and that it seems i stay quiet to avoid fights. (we havent had a single fight since we started dating almost 6 months ago). I completely agree with him...because that is something ive struggled with for years, not onlyy with men but in general. Im not really one to ask for things.... He then continued saying that arguing once in a while wouldnt hurt us, that it may help bring out the best in each other, on top of getting to know each other better. I said that i didnt like comfrontations and that I rather get what I needed in other ways. He said that those ways may not be the healthiest, and I should really try to voice out what I needed or wanted. His observations really hit home...mostly because I do swallow a lot of what I want because Im afraid to allienate him asking for too much. However him asking me to do it makes me thing that I may just be allienating him by NOT asking him... I just dont know how to go about that...how do I ask for what I need...without feeling like I may lose him if i do. This problem is not just with him since a lot of people have said something quite similar...but how can i shake off that fear? has anyone been thru this before? has anyone been able to shake off their "too nice" ways and become normal, having their needs met as well??? Any inputs are very welcome!
Kamille Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I just dont know how to go about that...how do I ask for what I need...without feeling like I may lose him if i do. This problem is not just with him since a lot of people have said something quite similar...but how can i shake off that fear? has anyone been thru this before? has anyone been able to shake off their "too nice" ways and become normal, having their needs met as well??? Any inputs are very welcome! Realize that if you lose anyone for standing up for yourself then this person is not someone you want in your life. Also, I agree with your bf. Voicing discontents can make a relationship stronger. The thing to focus on is not whatever feels like "the issue" and who is right and who is wrong (besides, usually nobody is all right or all wrong). Instead, focus on how the two of you communicate when confronted to an issue.
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