CalamitousJane Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I appreciate your guys comments I just need to figure it out when I will have the guts to do what I need to do. Ah Freddy, I know exactly where you're at. For weeks before I went NC I knew something would have to give, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Mainly I felt incredibly stuck. Then all of a sudden I didn't have a choice anymore. Something he said to me made me just KNOW I needed to stop being stuck there with him. It just came over me suddenly. I remember feeling numb and shaky. I suddenly knew that I couldn't keep being so intimate with him unless I could be sure we were playing for keeps. Don't worry about the timing. Your guts will tell you, and then you won't have a choice. It's really hard. My thoughts are with you.
heartoutside Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I know what you guys are saying. I just can't determine myself yet when I need to do it. I just wish I could convey the intertwining web I have with her but I just can't. Hopefully I can get my head together before the New Year starts. Ok this is what's happen since the last update. She called me Friday morning and asked if I still wanted Eddie for the day. I told her yes and she brought him over and then went to work. She calls me later in the afternoon because she was upset over a bill she got. I let her vent and gave her some advice. She emailed my later to thank me. She got off work and we hung out for a bit. I rented 2 movies and then she went home(watched the movies by myself). Do not rent The Hotest State movie. This movie is about a young guy that falls in love with a girl and they have a great time until she breaks up with him. He desperately tries to get her back but in the end he fails. I had to turn this movie off and watched the rest later. Saturday we did go shopping and we had a good time. Nothing big came up and I was happy the way it ended. Sunday my internet had been down all day. I called her and told her to bring my internet to me and a jacket I still had at her place. She kinda frustrated cause she was busy but brought the stuff over. Yes my internet that I pay for is still at her place, cause I pick up free wireless where I live. This morning I told her I got home at 7am. When she stopped by she tried get more details of who I spent the night with. I told her it was nothing and she didn't dig in any further. She actually let me kiss her on the lips a couple of times. Yes I know she's trying to real me back in. I appreciate your guys comments I just need to figure it out when I will have the guts to do what I need to do. Freddy, everyone on here has had/has an "intertwining web," with their ex... it's called emotions, love, friendship.....a whole bunch of crap. And that is why you and her need space, you both need to get out of that web, because you'll both be stuck in it until someone cracks. She actually let me kiss her on the lips a couple of times. Yes I know she's trying to real me back in. I'm going to be blunt. She's not trying to reel you back in. You kissed her, not the other way around. She cares for you, and doesn't want to break your heart and she probably feels that telling you NO, don't kiss me, would crush you. And it probably would, I know it would crush me. I"m not saying she doesn't want to kiss you or doesn't love you, it's just right now she doesn't want that. Good luck man.....do what you feel is right, this is just my opinion. But I'm really sticking with my guns on this one. I think you both are very caught up in the drama, and the whole PICTURE right now...Both of you need a clear head and if you are the bigger man about that and tell her that or something like that I think she'll have a lot of respect for you and for the relationship you have....
Author Freddy Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Out of all the days, why today? I feel miserable and lonely.
frd150 Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 That feeling is always in the back of my head. Today I got back on mountain bike,its been over a week. It really helped to clear my head. I know the weather is cold there but could you go to the gym or something? I work out or ride when I feel down.It helps
Author Freddy Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Yah going to have to hit the gym in a bit. Ok I know I'm complaining here, she wants to take me out to dinner tonight at our favorite seafood restaurant. This is why I am so messed up. I still feel like crap.
frd150 Posted December 27, 2007 Posted December 27, 2007 Why is that so bad? Ok I could probably answer that. Your just now feeling ok on your own then bam you have to spend time with her knowing full well there are no gurantees.
Author Freddy Posted December 27, 2007 Author Posted December 27, 2007 Well we were suppose to meet up this week, whatever kind of dinner it is, I need to change my attitude and make the best of it. By the way I got dissed by some other girl I met. She told me she has a boyfriend, now why could she have told me this a couple of days ago?
Ssheena Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Did you tell her you are still hung up on your X GIRLFRIEND AND KISS HER ON THE LIPS??? I bet that would be a "deal breaker".
Author Freddy Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 I should did that, I would of looked more attractive to her. Whenever me and my girlfriend would go out all the girls would be jealous of her, now if go out without her the girls still talk to me but they don't jump all over like they did before. In October my ex went to the clubs with me and I was suprised at least 4 girls came over to me jealous and even snubbed my ex. Ok if I can't get her back at least she can go out with me so I can get a new girl, then she can go on her merry way. J/K
HarryR Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Hi my brother friend , ya need to get some confidence back, i know its east to say and so hard to do, my break was only a few weeks ago and i already have seen that, Quit talking about the others in your life, go after the one you want, leave it at that, i feel for ya bro, but get out , do things, make yourself feel better if possible, find a new hobby and quit worrying what she is doing, ok, like i said, im going through it too for what that is worth,,,main thing is work on Freddie, change what you need to change, make it real, not just for being with her again, make it real just in case you two do get it together, I know i have done so called changes in my ife before but when all the feathers landed I see i only was being selfish, take time to get to your self , meaning who you are as we forget who we are sometimes, i know i was a fun loving guy that didnt give a crapola about her nor there, Im gettin that back finally and you need to do the same thing Freddie, get back to who you are, thats why she fell for you, back when you liked yourself , youre are the same person Fredie , just get back there when you were. im going through the same healing myself, and ya know what im starting to like myself alot more in the past few days again, im acting different than i have been for years, find yourself again my man , easier said than done I know
Author Freddy Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 HarryR: Thanks, I know what you are talking about being yourself, bringing yourself back to who you really are. I have been working on this, today was just really hard day. Just got home from dinner and it was great but In a way I can feel that I'm losing her. I'm sure I'll be fine tomorrow, just missing her love so much right now.
Author Freddy Posted December 31, 2007 Author Posted December 31, 2007 Ok the last time me and the ex talk was on the 28th. I had the last couple days to think about our dinner. She said things like I will always love you and when I would looked at her she didn't look at me the same way. She wouldn't even let me kiss her anymore and I also got a weird Christmas present from her. My best friend was suppose to be down here this weekend for News Eve and couldn't make it yesterday so instead of being busy I find myself reading old post in Second Chances. My Ex called yesterday night but I didn't pick up. She left a voicemail and wanted to she if my friend made it. I didn't call her back. Today she texted me and said the Chef's shirt gave her fits good and to thank me again. I didn't reply back to that either. Sometimes I feeling conflicted and want to answer her back but I don't because based on history it's gotten me no where but the friends zone. Hopefully my attempt at NC works out this time and I don't break down and contact her. I know I need to focus myself, I just wish I wouldn't feel crappy about not talking to her.
CalamitousJane Posted December 31, 2007 Posted December 31, 2007 I know it's supposed to be better to go NC without any warning or explanation. Maybe that has more impact. But I'm glad that I was really clear with him about my reasons, which were that I needed to free up space and time in my life and in my heart for the man who will be a real partner for me. I said it very gently, and it seemed like it made sense to him. If I hadn't done that I would have probably broken NC much sooner out of guilt. Maybe you could write a letter to her explaining your reasons for not answering the phone, then sleep on it a couple of nights before you mail it. Pen and paper is best. Do NOT text it to her
Author Freddy Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 What the f's up with LS. Happy New Years Everybody! Ya the Ex emailed me "I think your ignoring me, it's the last day of 2007 Happy New Years. 4 hrs later she text's me almost the same thing and then at 12:30 she tries calling me. Gosh I miss her and want to reply but if she misses me then it's her loss. I had my best girl text her and she was also askin about me. I am trying to be strong and not contact her. At least I made out with a hot chick last night.
Author Freddy Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Ok she just looked at my myspace page. Couple minutes later she called and I didn't know she called and left a voicemail. I listened to it and this is what she said. I wish you had the guts to tell me yourself that your not talking to me anymore. I know you screening your calls and I wish you would call me so I can bring you your **** and it will be over. Crap what do I do, she going crazy?
CalamitousJane Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 I think it's time to take a deep breath and tell her very calmly and clearly what the deal is. I told my ex I needed to break my addiction to him, and that I would check back in with him in a month. I was shaking inside, but said it very gently and firmly. Then I cried for a couple weeks straight,pretty much. At least when I looked back on the moment of the break I felt really good about how noble I had been, on the outside anyway. I didn't know if I could survive 30 days, but it seemed more manageable than "forever". Good luck Freddy. You're awesome and I know you'll do a good job of it.
Author Freddy Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 Yes I will tell her. I wasn't trying to be mean to her. I just want her back so badly that NC was my only option. To see if I let her go and if she really still loves me in her heart somewhere that she would come back to me. I was willing to move on so she could be happy.
CalamitousJane Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Move on so YOU can be happy. If it's really meant to be, it will be. I predict she'll have a hell of a time letting go for real, but you deserve to be much more than someone's security blanket/back-up plan. She needs a little time out in the cold, hard, Freddy-less world. Meanwhile, think how fun it will be for you to make out with hot chicks without distraction!
PinkRibbon Posted January 1, 2008 Posted January 1, 2008 Just curious how do you know she looked at you MySpace page? Did she tell you? NC bites and I have been doing it for almost 30 days and I want to run and beg. I hope you can figure things out but if she doesn't want to be with you then get your stuff and work on moving on. You seem like a really nice guy so why be with someone who is not there for you?
Author Freddy Posted January 1, 2008 Author Posted January 1, 2008 PinkRibbon: I haved a tracker on myspace that says the location of who viewed it but doesn't say who view it. One day I asked her to login and then I looked it up and saw the location of of where she was. I know she wanted me to know that she looked at it or she was missing me so much she wanted to look at the pics. I took most of our pics off she then she must of got pissed and called. She knows that I know when she looks at it and she hasn't done it since my birthday. I asked her many months ago that we need to take the day so I can get my stuff. She never took me up on it and gives me my stuff back to me slowly. I ask her one day that if she was keeping my stuff cause she knows I will return someday, she didn't answer. Yes I am the fallback guy until she finds what she's looking for. I don't want to be the fall back guy and was willing to do NC to get over her and to she if she came running back that be great too. I don't want to be telling this same story this whole next year. She texted me stuff like I didn't wish her a happy new year and that I went to dinner with her and then I stop talking to her. I finally called her and she wanted to talk but I told her I will talk to her in person when she is ready. She is a really good and caring person, she just flipped out when my best friend told her I was going to propose to her last year. It's 2008 and hopefully I either have a new girlfriend soon, I'm just really picky. 2007 was the worst year I have every had in my whole life and it wasn't just because I lost her.
Author Freddy Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Since I broke NC yesterday, I exchanged a couple friendly emails with the EX today. I told her I went to the bookstore and could find the books I wanted. She ask me what they were and I told her. A couple hours later she emails me back and said 2 packages will be arriving for me. One is a Sushi cooking book and the other is No More Mr. Nice Guy everyone says to read. Now in a couple of days I"m going to have tell her I can't talk to her anymore, why does she have to be so nice and make it harder for me.
Author Freddy Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 I want to pull my hair out. I mean I want to shave my head. I am going to do a Britney Spears today.
loveinlife Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Since I broke NC yesterday, I exchanged a couple friendly emails with the EX today. I told her I went to the bookstore and could find the books I wanted. She ask me what they were and I told her. A couple hours later she emails me back and said 2 packages will be arriving for me. One is a Sushi cooking book and the other is No More Mr. Nice Guy everyone says to read. Now in a couple of days I"m going to have tell her I can't talk to her anymore, why does she have to be so nice and make it harder for me. Yeah have that second book of your choice, read it, did NC, found another girl in a few weeks. But the ex factor came back after I broke up with the new girl bc ex wanted me back but its rocky, i maybe my exes option B. I want to pull my hair out. I mean I want to shave my head. I am going to do a Britney Spears today. HAHA! NICE!!
CalamitousJane Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Oh, cool! A naked head is SOOO sexy on a man.
Author Freddy Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 I meant going wacko and going to the hospital. Just kidding. I called the ex 10 times last night and this morning drunk. It's a big ugly picture right now.
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