whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Can't there be compromise? I mean, you two can get Wills drawn up. As long as they have legal separation papers, nothing will get in the way..If you know what I mean.. Sorry TF, I know you love him but I strongly feel, just from what you've said so far - If you push him and bug him about getting that divorce, it will backfire and you'll end up alone. I could understand more if you wanted to be his wife, be married to him, but you've said you do not want to be his wife, no plans on marriage...So, if this is just abit of a jealously thing, him having "a wife" out there - You need to somehow deal with it and just know that she is 'wife' in name only, not emotionally, financially etc...They are not together 'that' way, so please try not to feel threatened by their co-parenting friendship. For their kids sake, it's a fantasic thing that 'mom and dad' get along well.
Gwyneth Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I'm not sure if it means anything. Friends of my parents have wanted to get a divorce for Years but just cannot afford it. Finally they live in separate houses, but still have not filed for a divorce. I guess if things are fine the way they are, then why break it? He is probably going to lose a lot divorcing her financially, and maybe she will too. You have been living with him for six years already, one more year and you two are married by law (interesting). Have you asked your boyfriend this question?
child_of_isis Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I think this is the reason that some couples never divorce. That and no one wants to be able to re-marry. I know the $$ might not be an issue but here in Canada, if the spouse dies, the other legal spouse is entitled to the pension then she would also be entitled to any life insurance he has, if it's not in your name.
Lyssa Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Sorry TF, I know you love him but I strongly feel, just from what you've said so far - If you push him and bug him about getting that divorce, it will backfire and you'll end up alone. I could understand more if you wanted to be his wife, be married to him, but you've said you do not want to be his wife, no plans on marriage...So, if this is just abit of a jealously thing, him having "a wife" out there - You need to somehow deal with it and just know that she is 'wife' in name only, not emotionally, financially etc...They are not together 'that' way, so please try not to feel threatened by their co-parenting friendship. For their kids sake, it's a fantasic thing that 'mom and dad' get along well. In a way I can understand why you want him to get a D even after 8 years - the fact that you divorced your xH and you both don't get along other than something very serious to discuss with about your son only then you will contact your xH. You're hoping it'd be like that with him too, right? But I guess he deals with it differently. He loves you but he doesn't see the point in getting a D maybe, seeing that you don't want to marry him etc? You might wanna tell him that it's bothering you cause it really is. You have reasons of your own in wanting him to get a D. It has been 8 years - too friggin' long!
GreenEyedLady Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I totally understand why you want him to divorce legally, but I don't understand why he just won't do it...
EnigmaXOXO Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Are you absolutely certain there is no financial reason behind why they haven’t finalized a divorce after eight years? I’m not sure my memory is correct on this, but my ex sister-in-law went through a very similar situation with her live-in boyfriend who was voluntarily (not legally) separated from his wife for over seven years. According to what I can recall, after seven years of living apart they can pretty much get an immediate divorce providing they can prove that neither of them have attempted a reconciliation in that amount of time. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend even went so far as to have a child together, and he STILL refused to wrap up the legal loose ends regarding the wife. I think it had something to do with him being worried that the courts would mandate that he pay even MORE child support for the kids than he was already paying voluntarily. Then again ... this guy was a real piece of work (and not in a nice way). The only money issue I've made out of this situation is if we decide to buy a house together or something of that nature. Otherwise, it's not a money issue with me. You are right. If the two of you were to purchase real-estate together, and something happened to your boyfriend, his wife and/or children would inherit his half of the equity in your home if you have no common spouse laws in your state. In other words, she would become part owner of your house! The only advice I can give to you is to make darn sure you see a real-estate attorney and have them include a “right of survivorship” clause in your co-ownership agreement. This way, should anything happen to him you would immediately inherit the other half of your home rather than his closet surviving relative/s. That’s what my partner and I have done simply because we are not legally married ... to anyone. And that’s not the only thing they stand to benefit from (inherit) as a legally married couple in the event of illness or death that you will be excluded from. After being his full time live-in partner for six years, a “wife” to him in every other way ... you’re darn right you deserve all the benefits of being his legal spouse IF that’s what you truly want. And if he loves and cares for you, I can’t understand why he wouldn’t be willing to take that last simple step since he’s already done everything else anyway (???) And if it’s because he’s “afraid” of being married ... than why is he still? :confused:
child_of_isis Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 If he remarries or divorces, then W doesn't get anything. If he is financially stable, a lot of things can come into play. Retirement investments, life insurances, property, etc. etc.Are you absolutely certain there is no financial reason behind why they haven’t finalized a divorce after eight years?
Impudent Oyster Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 The wife doesn't go anymore. She told his sisters that she isn't a part of the family any more. (Poor thing). Why do you refer to her as "poor thing"? SHE isn't the one here complaining about why her boyfriend won't get a divorce...
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