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Now im going to fall for him

mishy

By mishy
in Friends and Lovers

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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OH I SEE!!!

 

How do you think a guy like this would react to this email ??

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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I wish I had an answer for you but I don't know him. Either way, my guess is that he will need time to process it. Beyond that, keep yourself busy because the ball's in his court now. Let's see if he rally's back or not.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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OK, I did say to email me back to let me know he got it, i hope that doesnt force him into giving me an answer straight away.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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the ball's in his court now. Let's see if he rally's back or not.

 

yeah and I think the ball is broken

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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yeah and I think the ball is broken

Breathe in, breathe out, relax. This could take days. Relax.

 

Don't count the minutes or hours. Get busy.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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Breathe in, breathe out, relax. This could take days. Relax.

 

Don't count the minutes or hours. Get busy.

 

Oh I am VERY busy, but that doesnt make any difference. I can multi task and that includes sweating over this. I always have a million things going on i my brain at once.

 

Days???????????

 

The worst case scenario is that he is not going to want to see me again... Now I know that he is enjoying being with me, and I don't know how easily he is going to pass that up...... but then I dont know...

 

I'm really not going to take the rejection very well. He mustn't have read the email yet..... In fact the longer he takes over it the better, because it means he hasnt got a cut and dry answer and is thinking about it ie not a definate NO....

 

But I really think it IS going to be a NO.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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well i ended up calling him and we talked for about 30 minutes and he said the following:

 

he views sex as a stress release

 

he says he does not have a normal life and doesnt have time for anything else (then tells me again about his work hours, kids etc)

 

says that the ball is in my court and he is happy with whatever i want to do

 

wants to see me for sex casually ie 3 or 4 times a week if both not busy or once a month, whatever works timewise

 

 

Should I be insulted:mad:

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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yeah so Im good enough to **** but not good enough to have a coffee with is what i guess we can summise from that phonecall....

 

i suppose at least he was honest

 

He said "well i used to have more time a couple of years ago when I was living in Sydney and I was seeing this girl for casual sex and we used to go out for a drink occasionally and we used to play chess".........:confused:

 

I mean really anyone can "create time" . You make time for whats important to you... I know he has a crazy life because he is always telling me about it...

 

I just dont know if thats really the reason. He said that that was the reason.

 

I mean I do know that when we first met he said he wasnt "ready for a relationship right now" and "has been burned too many times" but Im not asking for that- just something more than "bedroom" for gods sake.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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Just based on everything I know about him , right from the beginning- I really think this guy is afraid to get close to anyone. He has a divorce behind him that was not his choosing....

 

HOW can guys be SO CLINICAL about sex????????????????:eek: I just don't get it

Meaplus3 Established Member

Meaplus3

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Yes I do feel that way

 

Mishy, It's good that you can admit that to yourself. Now rather then down the road is the time to figure out exactly what you want from him and just what it is he want's from you. Try not to dangle your heart to far out there Mish, you will only live to regret it if thing's don't turn out the way you desire. Hug's.

 

AP:)

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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mishy, while I understand your hurt, you also have to be fair about this. What is an FWB? It's about getting your physical needs met with none of the messiness associated to an emotional relationship.

 

I have never and will never get involved in an FWB because I know myself. When physicality is involved, I'm already fully invested.

 

Believe it or not, your guy has been very straight-up with you. He never led you on with relationship patter. Many guys will do this, just to get into your pants. As ap37 mentioned, don't invest in someone who tells you they're not prepared to invest. If anything, this has been a very good short-term experience that has taught you who you are and what you expect from a man in the future. Expect no less than respect.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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I know he is being upfront: This is what he also said:

 

" So I suppose I am using you, but in a nice way"...............

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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mishy, while I understand your hurt, you also have to be fair about this. What is an FWB? It's about getting your physical needs met with none of the messiness associated to an emotional relationship.

 

I have never and will never get involved in an FWB because I know myself. When physicality is involved, I'm already fully invested.

 

Believe it or not, your guy has been very straight-up with you. He never led you on with relationship patter. Many guys will do this, just to get into your pants. As ap37 mentioned, don't invest in someone who tells you they're not prepared to invest. If anything, this has been a very good short-term experience that has taught you who you are and what you expect from a man in the future. Expect no less than respect.

 

I feel the same way about physicality and being invested. I just cant get over how clinical he is about it. It astounds me- that he would want to kiss me for hours at a time - and still manages to remain detached.

 

Even if i went along with this - knowing he feels this way about it - i would still get more attached. I was enjoying having my "physical need met" as well.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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mishy, while I understand your hurt, you also have to be fair about this. What is an FWB? It's about getting your physical needs met with none of the messiness associated to an emotional relationship.

 

I am being fair, Im not mad at him , I just have trouble grasping it all.

 

Oh and the other thing _ I probably have mentioned it before somewhere- we met on online dating - and he had told me 2 weeks ago that he is taking his profile off the site- and I asked him last nite if he was still looking - and he said no he wasn't and that his membership is running out soon. But he is looking (and thats fine) But Just blatant lying. He must think I'm stupid.

 

I wish Id found all this out a few weeks ago. Although i suppose its better than a few weeks on.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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I am being fair, Im not mad at him , I just have trouble grasping it all.

 

Oh and the other thing _ I probably have mentioned it before somewhere- we met on online dating - and he had told me 2 weeks ago that he is taking his profile off the site- and I asked him last nite if he was still looking - and he said no he wasn't and that his membership is running out soon. But he is looking (and thats fine) But Just blatant lying. He must think I'm stupid.

 

I wish Id found all this out a few weeks ago. Although i suppose its better than a few weeks on.

Try not to internalize it, at least from the perspective of beating up your self-worth. An FWB is, what it is.

 

The flip side is that he doesn't need to take his profile off the dating site. It's not a relationship so he doesn't owe this to the relationship or to you.

 

You can't change the terms and agreements of the FWB midstream without his active consent, because your feelings have changed.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

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that he would want to kiss me for hours at a time - and still manages to remain detached.

 

That is what FWB is. NON emotional attached sex. I agree with TBF, if you can't handle the rules, then maybe it's time to get out of the situation.

 

This is why many FWB situations don't last long as one person usually developes feelings. And, that is NORMAL, so don't feel bad about it, but if he can't handle it or doesn't want to it to lead to a relationship, there isn't much you can do to change his mind.

SuperFantastico Established Member

SuperFantastico

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Uhhhhh i go a away for a few days, this post has like quadrupled(yes i know i misspelled it...i cant spell :S )

 

I only read up untill the 4th post part, but i think i got the gist. Well you've sent the email and you will sweat about it. Perhaps it will end the relationship.

I'm a email all my feelings in a long post, type of person too. So i know what you are going through ;)

 

The worst is, i would send like a one page email telling all im feeling and get like a two sentence email back. Heh, those were the days.

 

Ok few issues that we have here. First you want more then a FWB relationship.

Thats quite obvious.

 

Second, and this is the true issue. You are lonely and are in a place in your life of low availibilyty(like of suitors). This probably would never have gotten to this point if you had like 3 or 4 guys via-ing for your attention. You would have just been like. Oh you dont want to give me what i want, ok bye-bye.

 

Maybe try to think of it like that. If you had other guys that you liked out there that liked you back, would this even be on your mind?

 

Possible fixes. How about taking some courses, but on not as useful stuff like dance or art classes. Im not talking about busness courses or something. You'll meet all sorts of guys there. Im in the same situation as you are. I tend to cling to the first person to that seems interested in me. But of course i dont get what i need from them.

 

Thus the 12 year suck fest i had with that girl(and not in a good way :sick:)

 

In conclusion i say, go check out some places where you can a) be in a setting to get comfortable with people(ie classroom) and b)be in a setting where you can really get to know someone first before introducing them to your silken honey flower(HA HA HA)

 

cheers.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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Uhhhhh i go a away for a few days, this post has like quadrupled(yes i know i misspelled it...i cant spell :S )

 

I only read up untill the 4th post part, but i think i got the gist. Well you've sent the email and you will sweat about it. Perhaps it will end the relationship.

I'm a email all my feelings in a long post, type of person too. So i know what you are going through ;)

 

The worst is, i would send like a one page email telling all im feeling and get like a two sentence email back. Heh, those were the days..

 

I know, thats what happens to me. No , i rang him back, and he hadnt even opened the email, so he read it on the phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Ok few issues that we have here. First you want more then a FWB relationship.

Thats quite obvious. ..

 

Who wouldnt?

 

Second, and this is the true issue. You are lonely and are in a place in your life of low availibilyty(like of suitors). This probably would never have gotten to this point if you had like 3 or 4 guys via-ing for your attention. You would have just been like. Oh you dont want to give me what i want, ok bye-bye.

 

Maybe try to think of it like that. If you had other guys that you liked out there that liked you back, would this even be on your mind? ..

 

No , if i had 3 or 4 guys vying for your attention I probably wouldnt be worrying about this. I have got caught in this though, because I started liking him, and probably saw it as a challenge.

 

 

Possible fixes. How about taking some courses, but on not as useful stuff like dance or art classes. Im not talking about busness courses or something. You'll meet all sorts of guys there. Im in the same situation as you are. I tend to cling to the first person to that seems interested in me. But of course i dont get what i need from them.

 

Thus the 12 year suck fest i had with that girl(and not in a good way :sick:)..

 

I joined this online social group and went to a bbq last sunday they had and met a few guys . Its not a dating thing so i didnt join for that- just to meet people out of my normal social circle. There is a guy i am IMing right this minute now who has been trying to meet me for weeks and ive been putting him off because of this guy...

 

 

In conclusion i say, go check out some places where you can a) be in a setting to get comfortable with people(ie classroom) and b)be in a setting where you can really get to know someone first before introducing them to your silken honey flower(HA HA HA)

 

cheers.

 

 

Superfantastico - youve done it again!!

 

I just feel a little insulted

SuperFantastico Established Member

SuperFantastico

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Well theres nothing to be insulted about. You are attractive, this guy thought so. And now you have anouther guy thats interested. ****, 80% of the people out there would kill for your problems ;)

 

Ok here is one very important thing i've learned. NEVER turn down other people in hopes of landing that special someone. If they were so special, you would have them by now. You invested a bit too much of yourself in with this last guy, so pull back a bit, and go see this new guy. What have you got to lose really.

 

1)You wait for A and lose B right away.

2)You go out with B and possibly make A jelouse ;)

3)You go out with B and Lose A and B

4)You go out with B and like him. Bye bye A.

 

I dont think there is a 5, as in you wait for A and hes all like. OMFG YOUS SO GREATS LETS GET MARRIED!! Like you said before, hes not in a place thats good for relationships right now.

 

Now if you move on in a healthy way, then maybe down the road he'll give you a call when hes not rebounding and then they'll be a chance.

 

Right now, dont box yourself in. Go have some fun.

 

Cheers.

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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Well theres nothing to be insulted about. You are attractive, this guy thought so. And now you have anouther guy thats interested. ****, 80% of the people out there would kill for your problems ;)

 

Ok here is one very important thing i've learned. NEVER turn down other people in hopes of landing that special someone. If they were so special, you would have them by now. You invested a bit too much of yourself in with this last guy, so pull back a bit, and go see this new guy. What have you got to lose really.

 

1)You wait for A and lose B right away.

2)You go out with B and possibly make A jelouse ;)

3)You go out with B and Lose A and B

4)You go out with B and like him. Bye bye A.

 

I dont think there is a 5, as in you wait for A and hes all like. OMFG YOUS SO GREATS LETS GET MARRIED!! Like you said before, hes not in a place thats good for relationships right now.

 

Now if you move on in a healthy way, then maybe down the road he'll give you a call when hes not rebounding and then they'll be a chance.

 

Right now, dont box yourself in. Go have some fun.

 

Cheers.

 

yes all of that is correct.

 

Its just that i do feel insulted. Its like this:

 

" yes I am prepared to bonk you for 2 hours at a time, but no I dont have time to go out anywhere for an hour"

SuperFantastico Established Member

SuperFantastico

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Because he was in a commited relationship for a long time. So he's probably tired of that other stuff, and just wants the great sex.

 

You just happened to be in the right place at the wrong time. In 6 months from now, he probably would be more then happy to accomidate you. He is still trying to get over his last relationship.

 

But you know what. Be insulted. If thats what it takes to free yourself from him. then do it. That rat bastard using you like that :cool:

 

You'll be fine mishy.

 

Go have some fosters :laugh:

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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Now if you move on in a healthy way, then maybe down the road he'll give you a call when hes not rebounding and then they'll be a chance.

 

what do you mean abou this

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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Because he was in a commited relationship for a long time. So he's probably tired of that other stuff, and just wants the great sex.:

 

His divorce was about 5 years or 6 years ago i think. He has said he has "been burned too many times".... But its a bit extreme not to go out for a drink!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

You just happened to be in the right place at the wrong time. In 6 months from now, he probably would be more then happy to accomidate you. He is still trying to get over his last relationship.

 

But you know what. Be insulted. If thats what it takes to free yourself from him. then do it. That rat bastard using you like that :cool:

 

You'll be fine mishy.

 

Go have some fosters :laugh:

 

I think a bottle of red wine might be more in order!!!

SuperFantastico Established Member

SuperFantastico

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Mmmm red red wine. Stay close to me.

 

Five or six years eh. Dang. Well I think maybe thats your answer right there. Hes probably using you for sex then. A total commitment-o-phobe. Go check out guy B.

 

As a plus you got over your issue with him ;)

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mishy Established Member

mishy

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Mmmm red red wine. Stay close to me.

 

Five or six years eh. Dang. Well I think maybe thats your answer right there. Hes probably using you for sex then. A total commitment-o-phobe. Go check out guy B.

 

As a plus you got over your issue with him ;)

 

Well yes he came out and said "yes i suppose I am using you for sex. But in a nice way" ( ipostedthat on the last page)

 

He is a commitmaphobe for sure.

 

Yes A big plus that i gotover my issue with him. Thats why i got attached because he was so patient i thought "oh he must like me"

 

I asked him last night so how do you choose someone? He said 'well they have to be nice, and there has to be a physical connection, but i have no preference for size or shape"

 

How clinical

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