mishy Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Well I was previously on here with the thread "my vagina won't let him in!!!!!!" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t135779/ Well my vagina is letting him in now, largely thanks to his patience, some silicon lube and you guys at Loveshack...... So on to the next issue. I'm going to fall in love with him. But we are f** buddies!! We have sex, he leaves. He is gorgeous. Our sessions go for a few hours, lots of kissing and touching and whispering.... I don't know, not exactly what I picture "fk buddies" to be? How do I know if he is getting emotionally attached as well.? he was here a couple of hours ago and now i just feel sad because I want more He is divorced, busy , i get the feeling that he is not in the right "place" for a relationship. I don't know what to do.
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 Geishawhelk is going to tell me I'm an idiot....
Lovegod Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Bang him for a while and see what happens. Tell him about some other dudes who are interested in you and see if that makes him a bit more interested. Jealousy can work wonders
littlekitty Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 As someone who once fell for a fbuddy, I'd tell you to get the hell outta there now!! If you let yourself fall for someone who isn't in the same place you are, you're setting yourself up for a whole lot of pain. Did you both agree to the fbuddy thing? Did he tell you he wasn't up for a relationship with you?
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 As someone who once fell for a fbuddy, I'd tell you to get the hell outta there now!! If you let yourself fall for someone who isn't in the same place you are, you're setting yourself up for a whole lot of pain. Did you both agree to the fbuddy thing? Did he tell you he wasn't up for a relationship with you? All he has said when i first met him is that he has been "burned too many times" and he also has a divorce behind him (about 6 yrs ago) . He is 36. But yeah , you are right.... yesterday got a bit more intense sexually , and now I'm kind of thinking , yeah i might be the one who is going to get hurt out of this.. It seems an easy no brainer situation to just "get out" of this sort of situation , but its not so easy when you are in it..
SuperFantastico Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Its like when a machanic opens the hood of your car and theres no engine and he says 'well theres your problem' 'I'm going to fall in love with him.' That is the EXACT wrong attitude to have right now, because you are basically setting yourself up to get your heart ripped out. You know how we fall in love? Is it some magical thing that 'just happens' ? Is it some pre-destined fated phenomenon? No. Heres how people fall in love: First, understand you do NOT fall in love with someone when you are in their presence. No. You fall in love when you're off by yourself, thinking about them afterwards. That is why its so powerful. Because its something you are doing to yourself. Heres how it happens. you go out with someone, maybe even one date. Then you go home, and your lying there, thinking about them. You form an image of them in your mind. As you do that, you start to list all the qualities about them that you like, hes so this, hes so that, hes really this. Maybe you even imagine you and him having fun in all sorts of situations. Then you get that warm funny feeling right in your belly. You might even say his name a few times. Basically is you brainwashing yourself to 'love' a person. Ok it sound much less romantic that way. What im saying is that you should just enjoy the ride(no pun intended) for now and see how it turns out later on before you fall in love. From what i can see you are just f**k buddies. He has sex with you(albiet awesome im assuming)and leaves. Maybe even cuddling a bit. I dont really know any of the particulars, but if he was recently divorced and is a busy guy, maybe he dosnt have time or dosnt want anouther commited relationship right now. Have your fun, save you're heart till later. Thats my advice.
Author mishy Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 Its like when a machanic opens the hood of your car and theres no engine and he says 'well theres your problem' 'I'm going to fall in love with him.' That is the EXACT wrong attitude to have right now, because you are basically setting yourself up to get your heart ripped out. You know how we fall in love? Is it some magical thing that 'just happens' ? Is it some pre-destined fated phenomenon? No. Heres how people fall in love: First, understand you do NOT fall in love with someone when you are in their presence. No. You fall in love when you're off by yourself, thinking about them afterwards. That is why its so powerful. Because its something you are doing to yourself. Heres how it happens. you go out with someone, maybe even one date. Then you go home, and your lying there, thinking about them. You form an image of them in your mind. As you do that, you start to list all the qualities about them that you like, hes so this, hes so that, hes really this. Maybe you even imagine you and him having fun in all sorts of situations. Then you get that warm funny feeling right in your belly. You might even say his name a few times. Basically is you brainwashing yourself to 'love' a person. Ok it sound much less romantic that way. What im saying is that you should just enjoy the ride(no pun intended) for now and see how it turns out later on before you fall in love. From what i can see you are just f**k buddies. He has sex with you(albiet awesome im assuming)and leaves. Maybe even cuddling a bit. I dont really know any of the particulars, but if he was recently divorced and is a busy guy, maybe he dosnt have time or dosnt want anouther commited relationship right now. Have your fun, save you're heart till later. Thats my advice. thats a superfantstico post by the way... thanks... Its not that I am in love with him yet, i just think he is a catch and that I could well fall in love with him in the future. As for the particulars: Theres more than just a "bit of cuddling" before and after... a lot of kissing.. hours of it ... just feels like a bit more than f buddies?/ i dont know - ive never had a f buddy before. He has a divorce behind him and has a busy business life- he has said when we first met that he is not ready for a full on relationship "just yet" - but I am not asking for that- just a bit more than f buddies!! So when you were talking about falling in love when you are "away' from the person..... - maybe I should stay away from him - so he starts thinking about ME like that -what do you think?
SuperFantastico Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 ha ha ha. Now you are playing the game. Well i figured you werent in love with him yet, but if you continued with that attitude you would be. Basically the first time anyone falls in love you have absolutely no control. Thats because its something you've never felt or experienced before so it hits hard and digs in deep. Later though, when you start to feel those particular feelings, just imagine a button in the middle of your chest just under the breast bone. When you push this button it puts the little bugger(love)on ice. If you want him to fall for you, then you are gonna have to play kinda dirty. The same mechanics that i mentioned above will work for you(possibly) just depends who plays the game better. He wants sex, you have sex. So you know you have that on him(ya you want it too, but its your game now ) I wish i hadnt stopped reading that pickup stuff last year. It had alot of really good stuff. It would work on guys about the same as it would on girls. Basically what you want is a push pull effect. Be really flirty have great sex for a week or two, then be busy for a week. Rinse and repeat a few times and each time you pull back the hook will sink in a bit deeper. Its risky but its a sound theory. It all depends on how you do it and how much hes invested in you. I dont know any of the particulars really, and even if i did, im not too sure if i could help any more then this. Anyways. Cheers.....er i mean crikey(or however you aussies say it)
Author mishy Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 yes. thats what I thought you were getting at.;) I need to play a game maybe Ok so this is what I have: We hooked up and we actually had trouble having sex (he couldnt get it in because i was tense (vaginismus) anyway that was another thread... anyway so it took probably 4 weeks i think for him to "succeed" with me... I really thought he would give up after the first go.... but he kept at it..... So we had full sex for the first time- about 2 weeks ago.. we have had sex properly 4 times now (twice each occasion). He is really enjoying it now, and in that 'waiting time" we got to know each other sexually doing other stuff. So to a certain degree, i know he likes me because he did persist with it and went through a considerable amount of frustration (this being someone i don't know very well). so we had a pretty good session yesterday:p and I am resisting the urge to call. I want him to chase me now.
Author mishy Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 I wish i hadnt stopped reading that pickup stuff last year. It had alot of really good stuff. It would work on guys about the same as it would on girls. What pick up stuff do u mean?
SuperFantastico Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Oh mishy. S**t girl, i thought we were talking about a long time here. 6 weeks? Yes you probably have a pretty good chance with the push and pull. Everyone love a good chase. And we are talking about a fairly small period of time here so theres no fatal mistake that is the end all and be all of the relationship so far. Just play the game a bit, make him work for it a bit more and im sure it will work out. Dont know if its all picked fences and puppies, but im sure you'll have a relationship out of it. That vaginismus sounds fantastic.....er not for you ha ha ha. Well i do know that for girl and guys being comfortable is REALLY important. Once you get to that point where you can let your guard down, you can really open up Pickup stuff? oh i'll just private it.
Author mishy Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 Basically what you want is a push pull effect. Be really flirty have great sex for a week or two, then be busy for a week. Rinse and repeat a few times and each time you pull back the hook will sink in a bit deeper. This is EXACTLY what he has been doing to ME up until now.........
SuperFantastico Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 i've created a monster You go girl Just remember the formula V > P and you'll be alright.
Author mishy Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 Yes, you have:p Ha! Anyone can play this game!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I read the fast seduction 101 (how to handle girls) and everything on it - is what he is doing to me!
SuperFantastico Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 See it works Now just give him a taste of his own medicine.
Author mishy Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 Well, its hard not to call...... Last time I saw him was Friday and now its Tuesday..... He hasn't called, usually its me that does the calling....... I can feel myself itching to call. Here's what I'm thinking: - "oh if I don't call he will lose interest!!" - "If i don't call he will think I am not interested anymore!!" - "If I don't call he will think I don't want to see him anymore!! - "If I don't call he will find someone else!!" im a hopeless case . but I had to post this.....
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2007 Posted November 26, 2007 mishy, do you really want a gamer or do you want a guy that wants you, as a person?
Author mishy Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 So he dooesnt want me as a person does he?
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 It's not the normal state of affairs for an FWB relationship, one you're trying to change through games.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 He is divorced, busy , i get the feeling that he is not in the right "place" for a relationship. mishy, I think you should give up on this guy, at least from the perspective of a relationship beyond an FWB. If you want to start a real relationship, start it with someone by getting to know them as people better, liking what you know, not just what you see and feel physically. Lay off the sex until you know this is someone you want to be exclusive with. Y'know?
Author mishy Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 Well, Ive been thinking about the whole casual sex thing and i bit the bullet and sent him an email saying where i stand on the whole thing now Instead of calling you back again I thought I'd let you know that next week I am pretty busy, but you can try. You are a very nice guy but you make it very difficult for me when I call...... maybe its because you want to move on to other people from **insert dating site here**? I have never "dabbled" in this casual type thing before and I have also never slept around so I don't know what the rules are. To be honest, at this point, I probably would like to meet you outside of the bedroom, although I doubt you have any interest in being friends other than having sex to be frank. I kind of need more intellectual stimulation in order to be stimulated in "other" areas I guess. I just sort of need to know the person I am sleeping with and this is probably not what you are after as you haven't shown much interest in me as a person at all. I know you don't have much time so you don't have to tell me that.... I probably couldn't go on just having sex and not doing anything else with you. I am not talking about dating.....so don't freak... its just that I find it just being only about sex a bit 2D for me. Can you reply even if its just to say you got this, although I expect after this you won't want to see me again! but hey I had to be honest. I just feel I have more to offer someone than just sex. I am expecting that he will reply with "thats ok , i dont have time for anything else, I had fun anyway"
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Nothing like good ol' fashioned honesty. If he's interested in more, he'll step up to the plate. If not, it's not what you want, anyways. Good luck, mishy.
oppath Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Good for you, Mishy, for asking for what you wanted. The tone of your email, however, suggests some low self esteem on your part. I infer from the tone that you don't really believe that you do deserve more than a FWB. I'm not saying that is how you feel, but I think this is a great time to examine your wants and needs and your own self worth. To enter a FWB relationship, you need to be smarter than the guy about it, basically. Plenty of women with high self esteem get into FWB relationships, but for you, it seemed from the onset that you wanted more but were too scared to assert what you wanted. It's possible in the early stages of dating to make the guy actually take you out. Why would he if he can sleep with you without dating you? If you made him spend quality time together for an hour or two before sex, you wouldn't need to send that email, because you'd know much earlier in the "relationship."
Meaplus3 Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 Well I was previously on here with the thread "my vagina won't let him in!!!!!!" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t135779/ Well my vagina is letting him in now, largely thanks to his patience, some silicon lube and you guys at Loveshack...... So on to the next issue. I'm going to fall in love with him. But we are f** buddies!! We have sex, he leaves. He is gorgeous. Our sessions go for a few hours, lots of kissing and touching and whispering.... I don't know, not exactly what I picture "fk buddies" to be? How do I know if he is getting emotionally attached as well.? he was here a couple of hours ago and now i just feel sad because I want more He is divorced, busy , i get the feeling that he is not in the right "place" for a relationship. I don't know what to do. I think you need to know where he stand's before you get hurt. Do you feel emotionally attached to him? AP:)
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