AliciaLikesYou Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I was wondering a few things and these questions are for people who are extremely insecure, anxious, with low esteem or those who deal with a SO that is insecure, anxious etc. If the trust break because of your insecurities, what should the person do to gain your trust again? What do you want to hear? Do you wanna be reasured? Left alone? I am dealing with a SO that is extremely insecure and anxious right now, and he stopped trusting me for a small thing I did. When ever I want to talk to him he doesnt want to hear what I have to say. He extend his hand to me though, like he want to communicate, by doing what we always do when we wanna talk and spend time together, but.. when we are standing in front of each other he shut down. Help?
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I wish I could help but I don't have much luck, either. I hope members answer this thread who have the experience because I would like to know too.
EricOnTheWeb Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I'm a very insecure person, but never wanted to involve anyone else with it, that's why I remain alone in life, and no SO. I'm not sure what I would want the other person to do if I lost their trust... I guess reassurance would help, but truthfully I don't want to be insecure when I ever get a SO.. I would like to be the one that is NOT needy in that way.. I wouldn't want to be a burden on a girl like that. When it comes to my looks, I need constant reassurance, so I guess in a relationship I would need simular reassurance. This is the best I could answer.. hope it helps somewhat.
brothermartin Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Thats a tough one. My ex left me because I DIDNT do something, and that caused her to lose trust and patience. I hope someone can answer this one for you, but honestly, I've found that trying to gain that trust back only lead to insecurity and low self-esteem for ME.
Quinch Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Start out with small promises that you know you can keep easily ("I promise to wash the dishes") then make sure you carry out those promises. Slowly build up and show him he can trust you to keep them. Don't make any big promises at this stage ("I'll never do x again"). He'll talk when he's ready to.
Poboy Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 i dealt with an insecure So for sometime. it was an extremely difficult relationship. even though she fully realized her insecurities , the fact was she just couldn't help it no matter what i did or didn't do. it was just how she was and i couldn't be the perfectionist or do what she wanted.reassurances do help but its temporary. the only way did she improve a bit when she realized to accept me for who i am and giving that space which i needed in the relationship which was otherwise choking me dead. this was after a massive fight and this big lecture by me demanding this otherwise i had decided to call it quits and i told her. she agreed and improved a bit but it was hard for her. the relationship was doing well until it all came back to the same place. in the end i guess , nothing i could do would save the relationship or help her in her insecurities. she is still like this and has not been in a relationship ever since (3 years). sad because she is a great person just not so good in a relationship.
birdie Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I was with an insecure person as well. It was hard because I really liked him but it became clear that it wasn't going to work for us. it was really hard to communicate with him and in the beginning I had thought he just wasn't into me. then he told me that he had been really hurt in his previous relationship and that he needed to build up trust and faith again. we still couldn't work it out though. he was really defensive, wouldn't talk to me but stonewall instead. I'm not the most patient person in the world but I really tried everything and persevered for a while but got sick of the fact that I wasn't getting enough out of the relationship. it was a real shame, he is a cool guy otherwise, good looking too. I think sometimes people need time to grow and mature and there is nothing you can do to rush it.
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I was so so on the secure front, when my ex lied to me, I turned into an insecure wreak because I could not believe anything that came out of his mouth because lying came so easily to him, even after he promised not too lie again and work on building my trust back up he lied again and again. I lost all faith in him and what he said, rightly so I feel. But because I became so insecure I became too insecure and low in self esteem to leave him. He dumped me in the end because of me not believing him (was part of it). http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ Go figure! If I was your SO I would want the trust to be built up, total open and honesty, no hidden secrets, no being sneaky or doing something behind their back that you know that will effect them. You would need to be patient cause it would take a long while to gain it back. Don't say your willing to do whatever it takes then after a month question why they still do not trust you like my ex did, don;t promise to be totally open and repair that trust and then go lie again in this time - because it is more devasting than the first time.
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