iwonderwhyme Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 To make things short... I have a LONG history with a guy from my past. We have known each other for 20 years (most of our young lives) and started hooking up in high school occasionally, but that all kind of faded when we went off to college but he never dissappeared from my mind. Lately (we have both graduated college at this point) things have gotten a lot more complicated.... I helped him recover from a breakup and one thing led to another and we wound up having sex. It was supposed to be a one time thing, however, at this point, it has been going on for almost a year and its getting a lot more difficult emotionally, at least for me. We are supposed to be friends with benefits and it is just to the point where the line is so blurred..... We'll have sex here and there, and about every 2 or 3 times he'll tell me that he thinks that should be our last time, but then after about a 2 week period, things are right back to where they were before, and he's calling wanting to see me. It is so confusing because he will hold my hand while we are having sex and kiss my forehead and my nose (which to me are more intimate things.... things you would not necessarily do with a friend with benefits... but what do i know?) And recently he told me that he loves me. I just dont know if he means it in a friend way or if he means more. The sex is good and very intimate for both of us, but when we are done it is weird because we both kind of have to take a step back and figure out where we stand... and he is not one of those guys who will exactly tell you what he's feeling or thinking. This has gone on for so long... and i need other peoples opinions... especially guys..... on what is going on here and maybe what he's thinking. Is he just using me??? Or do those other actions that I find to be more intimate.... holding hands, kissing the tip of my nose and my forehead.... indicate that he wants something more? He's just so shy, I doubt he would tell me how he really felt if i asked him. I think he's scared and so am I. I am really confused!!!!! :-( Please help!
Dante42 Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 IMO he is not "using you" as such and probably cares very deeply for you. I suspect however he doesn't want to get involved in an exclusive relationship. Especially if he can have his cake and eat it too. He will be hurt when you eventually move on because he probably considers you as some sort of gf, but not to the extent he needs to commit to monogamy If you are unhappy with the current state of affairs you need to talk to him and clarify what he wants. I suspect he is happy with the status quo. It's not fair to you however as you are probably looking for a man to settle down with. My advice is to remove him from your mind and heart as a romantic possibility and look for mr right elsewhere. Doubtless he will be jealous when you find a new guy but he should at the least understand.
dutchie Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I agree that it is quite possible that he does have feelings for you, but watch out for that ambivalence and indecision. My bf and I started off like this, and eventually he came around to admitting he was in love with me, but now, 4 years later, I have deep resentments and insecurities over the games he played with me in all of his on-the-fence crap. Maybe just tell him how you feel and then take it from there based on his reaction. But, I don't think that just because he wants to "have his cake and eat it too" doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you. I am not sure my post helped at all, but anyways, Good luck.
Recommended Posts