serendip Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 It's been 6 months and I'm still feeling the effects of our break up. I've tried everything. I tried drinking my way out of it...but my liver hated me after a month. I tried dating and being intimate with other women but it was only a temporary fix. I tried going out every night with friends for a month but it still didn't work. I even went to a break up support group but that didn't help either. It was good to hear other people's stories and to know I'm not alone but it still doesn't help me get over the ex. I've done NC with the ex for 2 months but that didn't help...I'm in NC mode again. I tried travelling for a month just to get away but even then the ex was still on my mind. I don't know what else to do...the ex is constantly on my mind and it's been 6 months already. I've been trying to let go of the memory of her but I don't know how. Everything I've tried thus far is not working and it bothers me...most of my friends tell me I shouldn't even look back b/c she cheated on me and I should be thankful I found the truth out before I sold my house and moved across the country for her. I'm not depresssed or even sad...I just can't seem to move on and I have tried a lot of things.
sao2 Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I understand what you mean and I am there with you. When it comes down to it the only way to describe what I am feeling is by saying "I really wanted it to work out between us" That's the only way to really describe what I am feeling because I wouldn't even call what I am feeling sad or disappointed anymore. I just really thought this to be it work. I am approaching 5 months myself and I am feeling ready to meet someone new but I still have my guard up. Don't rush into meeting someone new or go the heavy drinking route rather find your internal bliss again.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 How long were you dating? That would help offer an indication of what your transition period will be like.
Author serendip Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 How long were you dating? That would help offer an indication of what your transition period will be like. Here's a long version of it http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t130418/ short version We were in a relationship for 16 months...the last 6 months of it was long distance. This was our second chance at it...in that 13 years ago we dated for a year. After we broke up the first time...we had no contact for 8 years and just found each other again in 2005 and began dating in early 2006.
tinke Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 i related to your feelings at 6 mo. however, at 8 mo. i feel much differently. can't explain it, it just happened. i felt the pain, grieved the loss, and i am in a much different place right now. have had some down times, but even those, are becoming much less, with less intensity. hang in there..it will get easier!
Racquel Colette Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 What helped me was counseling. He helped me realize that he wasn't the one for me and ultimately I wouldn't have been happy with him. I truly was able to move on after that. It may be different for my situation, though, because I ended it, although more for practical reasons (he had teenagers who he didn't raise right). We both were still very much in love with each other.
Jmina Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Have you been doing everything in the mindset to 'get over' your ex? if so you probably wont get over her because everything you do seems to be linked to your ex. which is defining who you are. you need to drop that.. and then go out and do things but do them for yourself with your ex no more than a passing thought. it should be about you and growing and healing, not about getting over her. it has been 6 months for me also and i have come a long way but i still miss and love her too. its gonna take a lot of time.
Author serendip Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 Have you been doing everything in the mindset to 'get over' your ex? Well not everything I was doing was to get over the ex...in the summer I took sailing classes and all the travelling I did was for me....and I recently joined a outdoor social club. But I can see your point. But it seems no matter what I do...the ex is still on my mind and after 6 months...I should be over it by now. The thing is I don't think I want her back....too much damage done to each other. But I miss how I use to feel about her and how she made me feel.
spookie Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I think the hardest part in getting over someone is letting go of the memories. I mean, you love this person so much - and your memories are all you have left. To really get over someone is to stop loving them, and I think the only way to do that is to toy with your memory of them so that your mind knows they aren't the one for you. That's something people often do and it's a choice. A hard one if you love someone - like deleting your memory of a child you had that died, I would imagine. With my ex, I can't do it. But if you're stronger than me, if you're ready: try this. Every time you start missing her, will yourself to stop. Think of the most humiliating experience you've had in dealing with her - the most negative memory you have - instead. That ought to do it.
Jmina Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 why should you be over it?? there is no rule to getting over someone. give yourself a break. your probably trying to hard instead of just accept how you feel. dont deny yourself to grieve every single time you feel it. i found a balance between lifting myself up and finding happiness and feeling sad and missing her and grieving.
Author serendip Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 why should you be over it?? Because it's been 6 months and it's not emotionally and mentally healthy to be so obsessed with thoughts of the ex. At some point I really have to let go and I've been trying to. If we could be friends in the future I would make an honest effort of it but the fact she dismiss our relationship after I had already forgiven her for cheating and I went crazy and seek revenge by screwing with her head...there's too much damage done to salvage any kind of friendship. We will always have some resentment towards one another. That's what I having a problem with....something I have to deal with and come to accept. I tried to fix things by attempting to communicate with her but she doesn't want things to be fixed and she still hasn't accepted responsibility for her actions without making excuses....that makes me upset and I call her on it. Here's our last 2 mths of contact I called in Oct and left voicemail I know we shouldn't contact each other...I just hate the negativity between us....it's like bad vibes. I went camping this weekend with someone and I was thinking about you. I wish we could work things out...not to get back together...I don't think that's viable...but to get rid of the negativity. I just find it so sad that we can't even talk to one another. Anyway I'm sorry for whatever you feel. Take care I guess. 7 days later she sent this email Thanks for the apology call. It is best if we just forgive each other and move on with our lives. Take care. couple of days later I reply via text i understand we had some good times together you will always be loved no hard feelings I thought we were done...but for some unknown reason she text me this out of the blue I found the distance too hard. sorry it was hard to not want to see other guys especially since we didn't know the future. thanks for the good times together I was really upset by this b/c she's is justifying cheating due to the distance...so I replied right away I thought we had a future in that we considered having kids together. I can understand the distance but you cheated before the distance. It was unfair of you. I did nothing to deserve that but I wish you well then a week later she texts me this Please stop making me feel guilty when I apologize. Just forget about it. I don't want to hear from yu anymore if it is just going to be negative I wasn't going to reply but I didn't want my last words to her be negative...so I text her this a week later I know your text was meant to be an apology but it came across as a justification for your actions. it doesn't matter anymore. i am happy with the knowledge that you once truly loved me. it washes away the negativity and the memory of your person will linger. thank you ...and now I just have to let her go for good. There is no fairy tale ending...I thought it was since this was our second chance at it after 10 years apart and finding one another again. We were so happy together. There is nothing left in this relationship but the bitter taste of reality....that 2 people who once truly loved each other can hurt each other so much...also I realize that she is a selfish human being and I have a problem of letting go(specifically letting her go) to the extent that I lose myself to the emotion.
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