Aussie_Dad Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Hi, Firstly let me start by saying that this post is more for me writing this down and seeing if anyone out there can offer suggestions, help to get me through, as my wife may well read this, she posted "Restless Woman" post, Titled "Should I just suck it up and get on with it" posted 11th november. If she does I hope it help us if not I hope you can help me. It's 4am and I cannot sleep - again. I assume ths is normal for a separation. My wife and I have spoken about her post and issues, and you will be all happy to know the counselling has really helped her and she has sorted herself out (except for her feelings towards me). I have given her space and time and basically everything (I think) she has asked for and needed to help her/us come through this, includng her independance, we have made it this far can we get to the end? We have made an appointment to see a marriage councillor, progress, but I don't know if I can make it. Why? My wife has become a statue again and shut down over the past two weeks, even though we discussed this and I thought we had agreed to try and be as normal as possible until she had decided one way or another, whether to stay or go. I have been as normal as I can, touching, kissing, talking etc etc but for the past 3 days I have backed off like she had. The result I have received one kiss (this includes when leaving each other and seeing each other again) 1 hug and a handfull of actual contacts. I am developing anger and resentment feelings. Do I want to be with someone if they take 7 weeks (will be nearly 9 by the time we see a councillor) to decide if they want to be with me? If there is even something there, any chance, wouldn't she be showing me something?anything? I realised last night that if we were single and we did not have the kids, I would not be here anymore, I deserve better treatment than this. Don't get me wrong I truly love her, I would not be still here, and handled everything the way I have if I didn't, I am putting everything into this relationship, and I am getting NOTHING back. I know she is sorting things out, but if someone can be as cold as she is to me, can there be anything there, is there any hope, how can she just switch off? I am running very low on all of my emotions, I am afraid that by the time we get to the councillor and we work on this, that I won't have anything left? Or that she has created such a big gap between us that we can't find a bridge to cross it? That is on the proviso she actually wants to. We are separting next week, at this stage till Christmas, to see if that is what she wants, I am afraid she will like that freedom, and still having the kids etc that I will not be wanted back, I love my kids to death and am a great Dad, it will rip me apart (even more than the separation) if she wants this to be permanent. Please help, how can we make it? How can I make it? Can we make it? Thanks for reading, and responding if you do. Appreciate it. Aussie_Dad
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Why dont you et custody if you feel you are a grea father? Why would the kids automatically be with her?
Author Aussie_Dad Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 Good question Chrome, I work full time providing a good salary , my wife does not work and is a full time uni student. She will be on uni break for a few months soon and we felt it was best I move out as she will be home full time with the kids and 1 parent full time is better than the other options, ie her parents looking after the boys while i work (and she agrees with this). If the separation turns into more and we cannot make it back, I don't know, cross that bridge when we come to it? At this stage it will be more than likely shared care though.
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Good question Chrome, I work full time providing a good salary , my wife does not work and is a full time uni student. She will be on uni break for a few months soon and we felt it was best I move out as she will be home full time with the kids and 1 parent full time is better than the other options, ie her parents looking after the boys while i work (and she agrees with this). If the separation turns into more and we cannot make it back, I don't know, cross that bridge when we come to it? At this stage it will be more than likely shared care though. Good than it should be shared custody across the board. No alimony for life or none of that other BS. If you work fulltime and y'all are seperated then you should just worry about your kids, that's cool. She should not get full custody. She's the one who wants out right?
Author Aussie_Dad Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 Well, she does not know yet, but yes she has initiated everything.
redblack66 Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Lessons from from my recent experience: - do not exclude OM in the picture - back off and move on with your life - let her figure out herself Very easy said than done. Pressure, talking, convincing does not work, at least in my case.
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