Dealing With The Holidays

[PLAYBRAT]

How are you all handling the emotions of knowing the MM/MW are with their families and not with you? Is it something you have accepted or is it one of those times that it makes you hate yourself for being involved with them?

 

I know MOST affair partners choose to spend time with their primary families. Is there anyone whose affair partner is actually making time for them during the holidays?

 

 

By the way..Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Hope everyone is doing well...

[GreenEyedLady]

Is there anyone whose partner is actually making time for them during the holidays? By the way..Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

 

My partner is a great partner to me...He spent last year's Christmas and New Year's holidays with me and this year we are doing Thanksgiving and Christmas (He works New Year's)...

 

And it's not a point of him making time for me, it's the point of him wanting to be with, and sharing the holidays, with me...

 

I have to go finish the pasta salad I'm making but I wanted to post and tell everyone "Happy Thanksgiving!"

 

GEL

[KnownTruth]

How are you all handling the emotions of knowing the MM/MW are with their families and not with you? Is it something you have accepted or is it one of those times that it makes you hate yourself for being involved with them?

 

I know MOST affair partners choose to spend time with their primary families. Is there anyone whose affair partner is actually making time for them during the holidays?

 

 

By the way..Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Hope everyone is doing well...

 

 

I have moments where I don't handle it so well. I want to be with my MM on the holidays but I know he has to go with his W and family. It comes with the territory but I still don't have to like it. You just have to focus on your own family and friends on the holidays to get through.

[torranceshipman]

Hey GEL,

 

Totally out of curiosity, how come your MM is able to spend (Thanksgiving?), Christmas and New Year with you? Doesn't his family wonder where on earth he is? And did you say you had a partner (I am not sure if you did, sorry!) - if you do, how do you manage to avoid 'where are you at Christmas' etc, questions?

 

Just wondered!

[frannie]

Well I'm in the UK, so I'm not dealing with any holidays right at the moment. How have I dealt with Christmas in the past..? By concentrating on two things: firstly, me. Having myself a happy Christmas anyway, just as I would if I were single. Secondly, his kids. Knowing that they get to spend Christmas with both parents. Just my way of dealing with it.

 

Because Christmas for me is about family. Now, other times: his birthday, Valentines..? He's made it so we have always spent those times together. In fact he spent his Wedding Anniversary with me this year, which I think goes to show how close they're not.

 

Whatever, it's never really been a big deal for me. Even if he left, we would never have a happy, family Christmas together, so it's not been a dream of mine...

[daisydufas22]

I wonder how the wife feels being neglected for her husband because of a OW? Hmmm....food for thought!

[LucreziaBorgia]

I wonder how the wife feels being neglected for her husband because of a OW? Hmmm....food for thought!

 

I would expect that if MM is spending major holidays with the OW there isn't much of a marriage left that she would be feeling neglected. I would consider a situation like that to describe a separated married couple and not your average MM cheating on his wife scenario. I don't imagine he would be able to easily get away with it unless it was a quick sneak of a few minutes trip to OW's house between family festivities.

 

I would think in a case where MM spends extended holiday time with the OW, the BS probably is out doing her own thing too.

[daisydufas22]

I would expect that if MM is spending major holidays with the OW there isn't much of a marriage left that she would be feeling neglected. I would consider a situation like that to describe a separated married couple and not your average MM cheating on his wife scenario. I don't imagine he would be able to easily get away with it unless it was a quick sneak of a few minutes trip to OW's house between family festivities.

 

I would think in a case where MM spends extended holiday time with the OW, the BS probably is out doing her own thing too.

 

 

Those are pretty big assumptions......I have know women who they THINK are being cheated on that cry most of the holidays and then their husbands make up some BS.

 

Sure there probably are some married couples like the ones you explained!

 

Careful with assumptions!

 

I find it ironic that people should not make assumptions about married people having affairs but numerous assumptions are made about the wife of the married man!

[LucreziaBorgia]

Those are pretty big assumptions......I have know women who they THINK are being cheated on that cry most of the holidays and then their husbands make up some BS.

 

 

I find it ironic that people should not make assumptions about married people having affairs but numerous assumptions are made about the wife of the married man!

 

So, these women you know - what were their husband's excuses for missing Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years?

 

I don't think its automatically an assumption that a woman whose husband spends major holidays with OW are out doing their own thing. I would say thats the case with every separated couple I know.

 

I personally haven't known a wife whose husband spent every holiday out with OW where she knew about it and sat at home and cried through the holidays.

[kchiapet95]

I personally haven't known a wife whose husband spent every holiday out with OW where she knew about it and sat at home and cried through the holidays.

 

I have. This is in my family though. A lot of the women in my family turn a blind eye to certain things, as long as certain needs are being met. I won't say that they sit at home crying, but they're not out "doing their own thing", either.

 

I guess that's just the way it is, in my family a lot of the women think, "Boys will be boys."

[daisydufas22]

So, these women you know - what were their husband's excuses for missing Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years?

 

I don't think its automatically an assumption that a woman whose husband spends major holidays with OW are out doing their own thing. I would say thats the case with every separated couple I know.

 

I personally haven't known a wife whose husband spent every holiday out with OW where she knew about it and sat at home and cried through the holidays.

 

 

MY mother was one of them! I have known countless women in this situation. The wife of a cheating married man that gives the IMPRESSION he would never cheat does put his wife through emotional hell!

 

Husband's excuses...... anything..... 'I needed time alone', 'I did not want to ruin the holidays because I always say dumb things', 'I don't feel like I deserve you', 'women keep coming on to me and although I would never do anything you get jealous' and blah, blah, blah.......

 

They did not know at the time....when they found out at a later date, they became really angry that they were upset because their husbands were not there for holidays and the REAL reason......Of course, they CHOSE to believe their husbands' lies at the time! MM do lie .......their wives do believe......sad but true! And NO I wasn't saying all married men!

 

If people are in a loveless marriage and all parties know about each other (including the WIFE) go for it....... I just don't like one person being left in the 'dark'...... they have a right to know! Then everyone can CHOSE what to do..... they can make an informed decision about thier lives...... The way I see it is it's unfair for people to live lies based on another person's lies, make sense?

 

Anyway, this is getting off track......

[GreenEyedLady]

Hey GEL, Totally out of curiosity, how come your MM is able to spend (Thanksgiving?), Christmas and New Year with you? Doesn't his family wonder where on earth he is? And did you say you had a partner (I am not sure if you did, sorry!) - if you do, how do you manage to avoid 'where are you at Christmas' etc, questions? Just wondered!

 

First off, HE is my one and only partner...

 

And for the rest of your questions, I'm sorry but I won't answer them because it'd be TMI and I won't get into it that on a public forum...

 

But he's going through the D process right now, if that explains a little better about this year...

[CrazyBrain]

I am the OM. We just got together and she is planning on waiting till after the new years to deal with a divorce. I'm really hurt but am confused as well. I posted asking for advice. I am in mental disarray.

[Gwyneth]

Fortunately for me, MM's W doesn't celebrate Holiday's. Yesterday for Thanksgiving, he emailed me in the afternoon (of course I didn't receive the emails until the middle of the night--server issues). I don't even know if they did anything for the Holiday, and since he emailed me, that means she wasn't home at the time. I try not to think about it, though. It would hurt to think about it. But we don't say we're BF/GF, so there's no point of me getting all worked up about it.

[nadiaj2727]

 

If people are in a loveless marriage and all parties know about each other (including the WIFE) go for it....... I just don't like one person being left in the 'dark'...... they have a right to know! Then everyone can CHOSE what to do..... they can make an informed decision about thier lives...... The way I see it is it's unfair for people to live lies based on another person's lies, make sense? ...

 

I completely agree with you, Daisy. My xMM was one who was separated and didn't spend any holidays with his W. Even before they were separated, it seems they spent most holidays apart... he would go on some climbing trip with his friends, they would vacation separately, etc. But she was still in the dark b/c even though they were separated and used to not spending holidays together, she did NOT know about me. (She had asked him after he moved out if he was seeing someone else and he said no.)

 

So I agree with you that it is unfair for MM to be seeing someone else if his W doesn't know about it (and unfair to OW if they have to do things in secret and EVERYONE doesn't know about their relationship b/c it's some dark, dirty secret). I had it "better" than some OWs b/c my MM moved out and SAID he was "separated." But the reality is that they were still married and he still felt he owed her certain obligations, including faithfulness apparently. I felt guilty once I realized the true situation, b/c I want to respect other women and the institution of marriage. I also felt that he was being unfair to both of us, being with me when he still had obligations to her and only her. Therefore I left.

 

Although I can see Lucrezia's point that separated couples probably do separate things for the holidays, I also completely agree with you that a separated MM should *not* be doing ANYTHING with OW *unless* he's got cojones enough to tell his separated wife that he is seeing someone else and she is free to do the same, and to let it be out in the open that he is with OW (who in that case, wouldn't really be OW). (And I didn't interpret Lucrezia to be saying that even a separated MM *should* or rightfully can be with OW if W doesn't know about it... it seemed like a miscommunication issue?). That is only the right thing to do for everyone involved... I think that anytime the W is "in the dark" about her H breaking the marriage vows and being with another woman (emotionally or physically) MM is doing something low, sleazy, and wrong.

[Lyssa]

My xMM was one who was separated and didn't spend any holidays with his W. Even before they were separated, it seems they spent most holidays apart... he would go on some climbing trip with his friends, they would vacation separately, etc. But she was still in the dark b/c even though they were separated and used to not spending holidays together, she did NOT know about me. (She had asked him after he moved out if he was seeing someone else and he said no.)

 

Have they gotten back together, Nadia? I'm sorry I might have read your posts but it may have slipped my mind that they have gotten back together.

 

It makes me wonder about some MM. If they don't spend holidays with their W and family, they go elsewhere with their buddies etc - why not just divorce? I'm not seeing it's an easy thing to do, seeing that I'm not married but isn't it better for others if they did? It would save everyone the heartache, right?

[nadiaj2727]

Have they gotten back together, Nadia? I'm sorry I might have read your posts but it may have slipped my mind that they have gotten back together.

 

They've not gotten back together, I think they probably will, but I don't want to know as I don't want any contact with him although he keeps contacting me anyway. I keep ignoring him. He leaves me voicemails, or tries to talk to me about it at work when we are obviously only supposed to be talking about work stuff, saying now that he doesn't have me in his life, he thinks he might go to MC w/ her "not to get back together, I'd never do that" but "so that she understands why we need to get divorced." He leaves me messages/ emails saying "how did you get so smart about everything? I understand some things you've been saying and I want to talk about them and ask you what you think about my situation since I've been with my W so long, what should I do to end it peacefully?" blah blah blah. I ignore him. I see him at work and I try to be civil/ polite but that's it. I want complete NC with him and I would change jobs if I could. (I guess I should start looking into options as I think that is the only way to never talk to him again). I don't trust a word he says to me. He could very easily be back with her right now -- I think he will be soon if he isn't, because he's too weak to be alone. Or he could just be telling me these "compliments" about me becoming so smart about our former situation (he didn't say I was acting smart when I was trying to end it with him), and acting like he wants me to be his personal therapist or whatever, just for an excuse to keep talking to me and figure out if I'll ever come back to him (I WON'T).

 

Sorry to thread-jack and for my long semi-answer... I guess the short answer is that I have no proof they are back together, but they could be and I feel they will be, eventually, which is part of the reason I got myself out of the picture permanantly.

 

It makes me wonder about some MM. If they don't spend holidays with their W and family, they go elsewhere with their buddies etc - why not just divorce? I'm not seeing it's an easy thing to do, seeing that I'm not married but isn't it better for others if they did? It would save everyone the heartache, right?

 

YES, I agree that it would be better for everyone and would save everyone the heartache, but a lot of MM don't think clearly/ logically so they don't realize this, they only think about covering their own butt and how to NOT get in trouble and look like the bad guy. But I've really wondered about this too. In the beginning I honestly thought exMM and his W were truly "separated", in the process of divorce, b/c why else would he spend holidays with me and not her, and how else would he be able to see me literally every single day and night?! To me it made perfect sense that they were getting divorced just based on those things... who would stay married under those circumstances?! (I've never been married either, so I guess I don't truly know, but it just sounds so strange to me). But then when I realized he wasn't telling her (or anyone else!) about me, things started not making so much sense, and the process of divorce reassurances did NOT reassure me anymore.

 

I guess he was ready to be separated from her but not ready to be divorced and to tell her/ other people that he was in love with me. I deserve better than that, and so does his W, so I left. He is too messed up for me to be able to say why he doesn't spend holidays with her and they honestly live totally separate lives, and yet they're not divorced. My only answer I can figure out is that he is too weak to do what he says he wants. Or else he doesn't know if he really wants to be divorced. It's one thing to spend holidays apart, quite another to do what it takes to formally end a marriage. In fact I guess in a way theirs was a marriage of convenience and it's easy to keep going with the status quo BECAUSE it's so convenient... why go through all the hassle and negative public perception of ending it, when you get to be by yourself and do what you want all the time anyway, including being with OW but hiding it from everyone? I agree with you that it is very puzzling... and I've thought about it a lot and those are the best reasons I can come up with.

[Lyssa]

I want complete NC with him and I would change jobs if I could. (I guess I should start looking into options as I think that is the only way to never talk to him again). I don't trust a word he says to me. He could very easily be back with her right now -- I think he will be soon if he isn't, because he's too weak to be alone. Or he could just be telling me these "compliments" about me becoming so smart about our former situation (he didn't say I was acting smart when I was trying to end it with him), and acting like he wants me to be his personal therapist or whatever, just for an excuse to keep talking to me and figure out if I'll ever come back to him (I WON'T).

 

It is hard to do go NC but you are doing and dealing with it very well. You stand firm on your decision and you should be proud of it! I admire you for being strong! I don't know if I could do it if I was put in a situation like yours. It's hard to say, really until one is in the situation.

 

Now I remember your story - he told you he was staying on his own but a few times you went to see him, he was acting funny about parking his car at the back etc. That was your story, right? If I'm not mistaken my BF replied to your posts.

 

YES, I agree that it would be better for everyone and would save everyone the heartache, but a lot of MM don't think clearly/ logically so they don't realize this, they only think about covering their own butt and how to NOT get in trouble and look like the bad guy. But I've really wondered about this too. In the beginning I honestly thought exMM and his W were truly "separated", in the process of divorce, b/c why else would he spend holidays with me and not her, and how else would he be able to see me literally every single day and night?! To me it made perfect sense that they were getting divorced just based on those things... who would stay married under those circumstances?! (I've never been married either, so I guess I don't truly know, but it just sounds so strange to me). But then when I realized he wasn't telling her (or anyone else!) about me, things started not making so much sense, and the process of divorce reassurances did NOT reassure me anymore.

 

I guess he was ready to be separated from her but not ready to be divorced and to tell her/ other people that he was in love with me. I deserve better than that, and so does his W, so I left. He is too messed up for me to be able to say why he doesn't spend holidays with her and they honestly live totally separate lives, and yet they're not divorced. My only answer I can figure out is that he is too weak to do what he says he wants. Or else he doesn't know if he really wants to be divorced. It's one thing to spend holidays apart, quite another to do what it takes to formally end a marriage. In fact I guess in a way theirs was a marriage of convenience and it's easy to keep going with the status quo BECAUSE it's so convenient... why go through all the hassle and negative public perception of ending it, when you get to be by yourself and do what you want all the time anyway, including being with OW but hiding it from everyone? I agree with you that it is very puzzling... and I've thought about it a lot and those are the best reasons I can come up with.

I have come across quite a number of people that got married out of convenient. Again, I don't know why or how one gets into a 'marriage of convenience'... reading threads on LS has really made me think a lot about relationships/marriages. It has opened up my eyes in so many ways that I don't think I could ever imagine - the situations people get themselves in. It is VERY puzzling...

 

I'm in LDR and if it wasn't LDR, I don't think I can deal with my being a secret. Having to go out only to places where no one knows him etc. I would find that very hard to deal with because I would want to be with my loved one everywhere I go without having to think of places to go to without anyone knowing or bumping into him.

 

Holidays are important and I think those are the times you should be spending with your loved ones. As for Christmas (he celebrates it) he wanted to come here and visit my family but I feel it is best that he spends it with his kids and family.

[nadiaj2727]

It is hard to do go NC but you are doing and dealing with it very well. You stand firm on your decision and you should be proud of it! I admire you for being strong! I don't know if I could do it if I was put in a situation like yours. It's hard to say, really until one is in the situation.

 

Thank you. It is usually very hard and at first it was hard for me, but he made it easier, in a way, by being such a jerk and contacting me repeatedly after I asked him and then told him to stop. It is harder in that I have to continually "hear" from him in one way or another (and also because we work together so I have to talk to him about work stuff) but it is easier in that his behavior has cemented my decision to break things off with him not only until he gets divorced (which is how I started out thinking) but for good, because he is not the right man for me!

 

Now I remember your story - he told you he was staying on his own but a few times you went to see him, he was acting funny about parking his car at the back etc. That was your story, right? If I'm not mistaken my BF replied to your posts.

 

Yes, that was my story, I was with MM for 8 months and from the beginning he told me he was separated. 2 months into our relationship he moved out of the house he shared with his wife into his own condo. When we were in the relationship he was always sitting around in his condo waiting for me to come over, or wanting to do things with me, so I know he was staying on his own while we were together. But after I broke things off with him, he wanted to talk to me one more time at my house, but I said no and suggested a public place, he said no so I suggested his condo. He was reluctant to agree to that so I suspected something was fishy. When I went there is when he was parked in the back and someone knocked at the door and he didn't answer, yes. So I suspect he had at least told his wife where he was living (which he hadn't done when we were together) and perhaps she had come over in an attempt to reconcile or maybe, as others on the forum pointed out, he was dating someone new already! LOL Yes that was me, I talked with Nixson for awhile about that.

 

I have come across quite a number of people that got married out of convenient. Again, I don't know why or how one gets into a 'marriage of convenience'... reading threads on LS has really made me think a lot about relationships/marriages. It has opened up my eyes in so many ways that I don't think I could ever imagine - the situations people get themselves in. It is VERY puzzling...

 

I think some people enter marriages of convenience and others just fall into them after some time. My parents have a marriage of convenience in that they are not happy together and they admit that they wouldn't be together except that their religion (they are very strict Protestants) doesn't allow divorce. Some would say that is commitment to your vows or your religion but I think it is a marriage of convenience because they don't chose to work on their marriage (they are horribly mean to each other, all the time, and both complain about the other to their children) but instead stay in it because it's seen as the "right" thing to do and for appearance's sake, etc. I think a lot of people "stay" married and even honor their vow of faithfulness (as far as a I know, my parents haven't cheated on each other despite many reasons to do so -- they don't ever sleep in the same bed or do ANYTHING together outside family outtings where they fight, so there is definitely a lack of sex/ companionship, but I think that one thing they're doing right is not going outside their marriage and bringing a poor third party into the mess they're living in by engaging in an affair) without truly living out all their vows (loving/ cherishing each other etc.). I think it's hard to work on a marriage and it's hard to get divorced. The easy way out is just staying stuck in a bad marriage and having it be one of convenience, not love or partnership or mutual respect. (Or, worse, in my opinion, having an ongoing affair without getting out of the marriage.) I think a lot more people than we realize are "married" legally and to the public, but in private, they live very separate lives, not living up to the standard of "marriage" that they promised in their vows to each other. If I were to see xMM & his W in public, I would never know they had such separate lives. Even after 8 months of us being together, almost no one else knew that they were separated and living apart -- people still thought they were a normal married couple! It is so strange, I agree.

 

I'm in LDR and if it wasn't LDR, I don't think I can deal with my being a secret. Having to go out only to places where no one knows him etc. I would find that very hard to deal with because I would want to be with my loved one everywhere I go without having to think of places to go to without anyone knowing or bumping into him.

 

Holidays are important and I think those are the times you should be spending with your loved ones. As for Christmas (he celebrates it) he wanted to come here and visit my family but I feel it is best that he spends it with his kids and family.

 

You aren't still a secret, right? Other people know about the two of you? It must be hard for you not to be with him over Christmas, you are being very unselfish by telling him to stay with his kids and family. Hopefully soon after some time passes the two of you will be able to celebrate holidays together with his kids and other family members.

[OWoman]

How are you all handling the emotions of knowing the MM/MW are with their families and not with you? Is it something you have accepted or is it one of those times that it makes you hate yourself for being involved with them?

 

I know MOST affair partners choose to spend time with their primary families. Is there anyone whose affair partner is actually making time for them during the holidays?

 

 

By the way..Happy Thanksgiving to everyone.

Hope everyone is doing well...

 

MM and I live in different countries, and have different holidays, mostly. Neither of us is religious, and we both hate the commercialisation of christmas and easter, so try to spend those hiding under a rock if we can. Generally he will go to his parents on christmas, and take his kids if they're not spending time with their own friends, and new year he'll spend at his sister. His W spends christmas with her sisters, and sits at home on new year feeding her hangover. She's not welcome at his family, and he doesn't care much for her family (they're all emotionally unstable) so they've always spent those holidays apart, each with their own family. The kids would go one year to one, next year to the other until they were old enough to insist on their own opinion. Now they'll go with him to his family or spend the time with friends rather. I'll see my dad and his wife.

 

We've occasionally discussed spending new year together, since that's the one holiday that vaguely has any significance for us, but the logistics are difficult. Flights between christmas and new year are very costly and scarce, and we'd want to spend it here (where it's summer, not in his country where it would be winter) so he'd have to travel, and only gets a few days off that time of the year (unlike here where it's in the middle of our summer break) and his kids would want to come too, so it gets complicated.

 

Can't say it's a big issue though. More for him than for me.

[Lyssa]

Thank you. It is usually very hard and at first it was hard for me, but he made it easier, in a way, by being such a jerk and contacting me repeatedly after I asked him and then told him to stop.

 

I would find it easier to go NC if he acted like a big jerk!

 

Yes, that was my story, I was with MM for 8 months and from the beginning he told me he was separated. 2 months into our relationship he moved out of the house he shared with his wife into his own condo. When we were in the relationship he was always sitting around in his condo waiting for me to come over, or wanting to do things with me, so I know he was staying on his own while we were together. But after I broke things off with him, he wanted to talk to me one more time at my house, but I said no and suggested a public place, he said no so I suggested his condo. He was reluctant to agree to that so I suspected something was fishy. When I went there is when he was parked in the back and someone knocked at the door and he didn't answer, yes. So I suspect he had at least told his wife where he was living (which he hadn't done when we were together) and perhaps she had come over in an attempt to reconcile or maybe, as others on the forum pointed out, he was dating someone new already! LOL Yes that was me, I talked with Nixson for awhile about that.

Did you suggest his condo because you felt something was fishy from the moment you broke things off with him? LOL - yes, I read the posts and I'm glad his posts had help you in a way or two. Does he still try to keep in touch with you? I'm sorry if you have posted about it somewhere but I just came back from a trip and haven't had the time to catch up on OW/OM forum!

 

 

I think some people enter marriages of convenience and others just fall into them after some time. My parents have a marriage of convenience in that they are not happy together and they admit that they wouldn't be together except that their religion (they are very strict Protestants) doesn't allow divorce. Some would say that is commitment to your vows or your religion but I think it is a marriage of convenience because they don't chose to work on their marriage (they are horribly mean to each other, all the time, and both complain about the other to their children) but instead stay in it because it's seen as the "right" thing to do and for appearance's sake, etc. I think a lot of people "stay" married and even honor their vow of faithfulness (as far as a I know, my parents haven't cheated on each other despite many reasons to do so -- they don't ever sleep in the same bed or do ANYTHING together outside family outtings where they fight, so there is definitely a lack of sex/ companionship, but I think that one thing they're doing right is not going outside their marriage and bringing a poor third party into the mess they're living in by engaging in an affair) without truly living out all their vows (loving/ cherishing each other etc.). I think it's hard to work on a marriage and it's hard to get divorced. The easy way out is just staying stuck in a bad marriage and having it be one of convenience, not love or partnership or mutual respect. (Or, worse, in my opinion, having an ongoing affair without getting out of the marriage.) I think a lot more people than we realize are "married" legally and to the public, but in private, they live very separate lives, not living up to the standard of "marriage" that they promised in their vows to each other. If I were to see xMM & his W in public, I would never know they had such separate lives. Even after 8 months of us being together, almost no one else knew that they were separated and living apart -- people still thought they were a normal married couple! It is so strange, I agree.

I agree on this. Some people do tend to put on a show in public as to how happy they are as a family but behind closed doors, only they know what is actually going on. Just as it was with my parents when I was much younger but things are very much better now. It has been for more than 10 years now and I am so glad there isn't anymore "silent treatments" at home! Would it be safe to say that both your parents make peace with each other and just live their days as it is?

 

You aren't still a secret, right? Other people know about the two of you? It must be hard for you not to be with him over Christmas, you are being very unselfish by telling him to stay with his kids and family. Hopefully soon after some time passes the two of you will be able to celebrate holidays together with his kids and other family members.

No I am not. His family and friends know about me and so do his kids. He's flying in tomorrow evening! It will be his first time meeting my family and I am hoping very much things will go well. Thank you, Nadia - I hope some time later in the future we will get to celebrate important days and the holidays together with his kids and family.