My Brother, My Mother and me!

[kentishmaiden]

Right, here goes .... I am 44, married and got two kids aged 7 and 10. I have a Brother who I have not spoken to for 5.5 years and have no intention of speaking to him again.

We are emigrating to New Zealand and our Mother told me today that my Sister in law wishes to see the kids before they go.

Just asked our Daughter who hasn't seen her Auntie and Uncle for 5.5 years since she was 1.5 and she said who are they? Our Son says he remembers them but don't feel he knows them. Yet oh joy of joys .... my Husband says the argument was between me and my Brother so the kids should be kept out of it.

If that is the case, why did they not send any birthday or christmas cards to our kids?

As for my Mother. I cannot actually stand her that much myself and last time she came to stay for a few days, she had my kids doing housework, she sat there scowling at them at the dinner table and to be honest, I don't know why I bother.

I feel nothing for her, I feel nothing for any of them? Is that so bad? They say you cannot pick your family but you can choose your friends. Well I seemed to have proven that wrong! I have a lovely couple who are just like my Parents, known them for 18 years. They send me "to our Daughter" cards at Christmas and birthdays and their kids are all nice to me too.

So do I have to feel guilty that I feel nothing for this family of mine?

Should my kids see their Auntie and Uncle of whom one don't remember and the other says he don't know them but remembers them?

What is the point in introducing them to another couple just for them to have to say goodbye to them because we are emigrating to the other side of the world.

History: This person I call Mum does not know me, she is a stranger to me. We are estranged I think that is the word that describes our relationship. She stopped me seeing my Dad for two years before he died and said it was my fault he got cancer (yet he smoked like a ruddy chimney pot!). Five years later she said she had been grieving for the man she loved, she didn't mean it and she was angry he had died so took it out on me. Well that's ok then, isn't it? Why do I feel so pissed off still?

And if you ever get to read this and recognise yourself .... Mother I hate you, I hate your Son, I hate the whole ****ing clan!

So why oh why am I going to stay for a few days before we move. Why am I being like this? Is it some mumbo jumbo psychobabble inner child wanting the Mother's love .... bollocks, it is probably the fact she has always said she will kill herself over the years if things don't go her way and I don't wish to have anybody's life in my hands.

Right, can anybody make sense of this mess that is called my life.

On a good note, I am happily married, have two kids, am reasonably intelligent, have nice friends and super duper unofficially adopted parents, work hard and consider I am relatively normal apart from a dysfunctional birth family.

[kentishmaiden]

My Husband thinks my Sister in law should be able to see her niece and nephew (by marriage I would add) as her Husband is my Brother yet they have not bothered with our kids for 5.5 years.

 

I am quite shocked that I have just posted my life story on the net but hey ho, good advice gratefully received.

 

So then, do I stay with "the Mother" for a few days or do I go with my true feelings, write her a letter and tell her I want nothing more to do with any of them? At what age should we stop pretending to be something we are not?

[littlekitty]

No one can tell you the right choice to make. I think this is one where you have to follow your heart and do what's right for you.

 

Would your husband agree with your decision either way?