so now he doesn't know what he wants???what the

[Aussie65]

OK so I have been working hard to get things organised to move down to my boyfriend that moved away almost a month ago to another state.

I have applied for many jobs there....looking for houses up to late at night so then he calls me...I am stressed out as you can imagine I work and have all of this on my plate as well.We talk about the house situation,that it's hard for us to get a house right now there and I tell him my situation here where I will be struggling to make ends meet with rent,bills etc.So then he hits the bomshell on me....if it's not bad enough I am already stressed out but he tells me sometimes he doesn't know what he wants...sometimes he wants me there...sometimes he doesn't....so I am upset by this time and wondering whats going on.I tell him I am making a huge sacrifice to go live with him....leaving my 16 yr old daughter to live with her Father as she doesnt want to move as she has friends here...fair enough,thats hard enough as it is but her Father is a good man so she is in a good place with him.We then started talking about how we may not be able to get a place till after Christmas so what does he say????....well if it's meant to be its meant to be and we will see how things go THEN get a house...wow...great reassurance huh?...He then starts talking about Christmas and how he has never spent a Christmas with his family....mind you,he is 40 years old,his Mother has a man in her life and is happy...his brothers and sisters all have partners they will be spending Christmas with...so then he says his Uncle...well,his uncle has a wife and children...they are all spending time with loved ones but he wants to leave me here with my teens and go off to spend Christmas with his family and cannot see anything wrong with that.I said,well how about we go down after Christmas and see them all?...not good enough,apparently he has always done what his ex's have wanted him to do and he has spent Christmas with them so now he has it in his head he should go spend Christmas with his Family,to do what HE wants.He moved away wasnt taht what he wanted?

I was moving to be with him...leaving my teens behind!is that not enough that he now wants to run off and have Christmas away from me?...I think he is being very selfish and it's making me so angry right now.

I told him if he wants to do this then maybe we should break up...he said well fair enough but then tells me he wants to be with me and loves me but in little words.I said if you care about me,you would put me first!that i want to wake up and have Christmas with him but he thinks there is nothing wrong with having Christmas apart...that many people do it with work commitments etc.He sees it to be no problem.

I am close to telling him to P off...I really am fed up...trying to get everything here done and now he puts this on me...how am I suppose to feel?Happy?

[Aussie65]

I am realy over it..I actually don't even want to see him as I am feeling so bitter and angry right now.

This new job he took on is so much less money....the fact he is so far away from me is enough but to take on a job that pays a lot less?So now he tells me he is going out into the country for a few weeks before Christmas and gets Christmas day off then goes back.My plans to move there anyway would have been put on hold due to this.It's bad enough he is living and working away and then going further away but due to phone coverage he will only be able to contact me via public phone AND he will be staying at a bar....what we call hotel accomodation.So now I feel great?....hardly!what will he be doing after work each day watching the grass grow?...I know I have to try and trust him but he has done some things in the past that show me how much of a flirt he is and no sorry,I can't trust him out there in a small town staying at a bar!

 

I am about to call things off which I should have done before...he has made his life all about him now with little room for me.

 

Good luck to those who have had a successful long distance relationship?.....unlike my man rather then being upfront he moved....got a job that pays less which is pathetic and will be away constantly...go figure...he just wants to do his own thing...anyhow,take care all and best of luck.

[dancinggal]

Oh Aussie, I'm sorry this is happening, but at least you have taken decisive action and I'm proud of you.

 

Let us know how it goes and how you are feeling.

 

Best of luck!!!

[Aussie65]

TY Dancing.I have to as he is trying to control obviously everything and if I am feeling bad then he must be doing something wrong.A relationship is not meant to feel like this!He has me where he wants me,at his beck and call....come visit when it suits him and then do whatever the hell he wants any other time....a perfect life...FOR A SINGLE MAN?...funny thing is,he told me once himself he believed a life like he is living to be a single mans life and damaging for many relationships and whats he doing now?..

We are suppose to be going out to a show tonight which has been booked for the last couple of months and as if I am going to feel great going anywhere.

I know if I said to him you need to come home,throw that job in as it pays less and I can't deal with the going away all the time if it's not bad enough your already a long way away!..I know he will call it quits as he doesn't want me in the way and that's all I would be.If I shut up and say nothing all would be sweet but him staying at a bar and not knowing what the heck he is up to?....I would be a mess sitting back here worrying about this man.

If He loved me,he would see how this whole thing has affected me and come home.Thats what I think but I know he wont as this is what he wants to do....I am 2nd in line here.