AliciaLikesYou Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Hello, this is my first post here.. Got in a fight with the guy I like and I do not know what to do to solve things. Also, I am 21, if my english sound childish or is hard to read it's normal, it's not my native tongue. I realised that what I wrote is long, and I am sorry about it. But since it's my first post, I thought it would be better to explain about us, and how the whole thing happened. What I want to know is.. How do I save it all.. and what do I say to him? Background: We met him 3 years ago, we got this connection right away.. how we were talking with each other and how he liked how smart and mature I am. No matter what we would talk, we always had something to say and it's something he always liked. He is a very reserved person who doesn't open up much and usually stay in his bubble. But with me he said it was different. For 2 of these years we would talk on and off. And last year he told me he's been having feelings for me and had said feelings for a while.. and he wanted us to be together. I was very happy about this, because I always liked what we had, and i was looking forward to persue something with him. At this time he was at college and I was still in my hometown.. but we planned that I drive to go see him and spend the week end with him. 2 days before I leave, he tell me he cant, because he got trouble at school and too much work.. (He later told me he got scared) Something important I should mention here, he is extremely insecure and anxious and always think the worst.. prone to anxiety attack too but, not often. After that thing he took time off from me, to finish his class, and he went back to his house not long after he ended college.. We hanged everyday, but nothing happened. We were like two extremely good close friends, border line to being together and date.. flirting majorly.. but we wanted to take things slow. We didnt date anyone else either. All this time we would text a lot daily, keep in touch.. he would ask me where i was.. what i was doing.. when i would get home.. never admited that he was missing me tho but i know he is like that.. not his kind to do that.. Couple months ago he told me that he wanted to leave because he kept fighting with his father. I told him I wanted to move too, go south.. and he told me he would come with me. While we were making plans, he kept saying how we would be close and make love, and do everything together. He never mentioned "couple" but, he made it looked that way. I know he didnt mentioned couple because of his fear of reject. Everything was fine, last week I told him I found a nice place, and that one of our friend would help us, that i had money for the furniture, etc. He was very happy about it. We talked about the road trip.. and how we would be happy there and make a life together, buy dogs, do the grocery etc. But.. 3 days ago, I was talking to him on IM about how I had this idea about a project and how i found his family clan online, and that I wanted to work on it. (Im good at drawing) i didnt meant anything bad with it at all.. He freaked.. completely.. telling me how i was disrectfull, and how I was obsessed by him.. how he was scared i know his last name.. how i should ask him before doing such thing.. I stayed there, speechless.. and he kept going.. telling me how he wasnt sure about the move together.. and how it could break what we have.. I started to cry and at the end, he just told me to stop talking. Which I did. I didnt want to say something that would make things worst.. He said he didnt wanna talk to me for a week. The next day he text me, and i reply back.. he asked me if i did what i did.. and i said no.. and i get on IM to talk to him "live" He said the same thing, about how I coudnt be trusted anymore, that i went behind his back and did that.. that he wasnt sure about me.. and how i didnt apologize.. (I didnt know what to say) he also said that no matter what I do, nothing would change. He left without saying bye.. I know he went to see his friend whos back from college for the holidays.. I didnt hear from him after that until today.. I got a news about something we are both part of and i sent him a mail explain it all and to text me when he get up.. (I always do that when i have something to say to him and he is sleeping and can't text him) 5pm, no text from him. I text him asking if he read his mail.. he said no, that he had class today and that he had to work.. and he ask me what the mail said.. i explain.. and he said "ok so?" and i said "well youll be able to play with your friends like you wanted to" and he said "ok if you say so" and then, i didnt reply..
lindya Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 I can only think that this guy has problems with his family and that's why he freaked when you researched his family clan. I'm assuming he's Scottish, since you mentioned clans? For him to get irate about that just seems like a total over-reaction. Maybe it was his way of drawing attention to his family problems. I don't see that you did anything bad at all. If I were with a foreign guy and he decided to research my family clan I'd think that was really sweet and interested of him. Then again, I get on fine with my family - so maybe you can't compare the two. He sounds volatile. If he over-reacted so angrily and destructively about this, then what else is he going to lose his temper about? You seem to be taking a very caring, nurturing approach with him....but I'm afraid this one sounds like he's going to continually bite the hand that feeds him. If you think that's a challenge you would like to take on then I suppose that's up to you, but I doubt you'll find it very rewarding - and too long spent with a guy like that might just result in you getting a few problems of your own to deal with.
marlena Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Alicia, I would proceed with caution where your friend is concerned. His reserved nature coupled with his extreme reaction over something so harmless is something you need to consider seriously. It sounds to me that you do not know this person very well at all. ..probably because he does not want you to know him...or anyone else for that matter. One can not help but wonder why. So should you. The obvious reason is that he has something to hide. Although he may want to hide things about himself, his actions are speaking volumes. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he has lied to you about himself, even through omission. What is fairly obvious is that his behaviour is most peculiar . I wouldn't be surprised to find out that he has issues with controlling his anger as well as intimacy issues. I would slow things down and get to know this person better before making any life - changing decisions such as moving in with him.
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