Rainbow Gem Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I really don't know why I am still married some days. And if all of this is too long, I just don't know where I am going and need to ramble. So I apologize if this is too much. I got married because I thought I found someone who could make me laugh and who I loved. I thought he would be responsible and would be a great partner. Since then I think I have married someone who has a whole bunch of mental problems and has treated me like the enemy. His parents have always made me feel like crap. We have been married for 12 years and have 4 kids. I have caught him cheating, lying and stealing money over the years. And I have dragged him to counselors trying to save our marriage and actually it was more like trying to get him to deal with his anger and depression. But I think it has affected my self-esteem and health. I did all of that because I thought I was doing what you are suppose to do. Stand by your man and all of that junk. We saw our last counselor this summer and I realized that he doesn't want to give up his anger and all of the little demons that run around in his head. He gets mad whenever I want to talk about us. I decided that I would go to a counselor and just work on me, cuz my self-esteem and happiness has taken a nose dive. He seems to go out of his way to create problems (and has admitted that he has created problems when things are going too good). He says that I am stuck with him. And I really do feel trapped at times. My new counselor said that it sounded like my spouse has manic depression and it sounded like I am on the fence about him. And I am. But I think it is heading toward leaving him. I am just so tired of having to deal with his moods and everything else. I have thought about having an affair or running off and leaving him. I don't like spending time with him any more because he is gets so angry and I have to do all of the talking. And I don't know if I care to have sex with him again. I think about leaving him every day and making plans for it. I just don't have steady enough income yet. How do people deal with someone who is so depressed and self-destructive? His crap or whatever you call it has made me go to food banks and get public assistance just to help our family survive. I probably can go round and round with all of this. It is just wearing on me.
Curmudgeon Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 If he is, in fact, bipolar then he needs to be in treatment or it will either never change or simply get worse as time goes by. Unfortunately that's something he has to enter into voluntarily unless he becomes a danger to himself or others or is so gravely disabled he can't meet even his rudimentary needs. If I was you I'd leave before I'd consider having an affair. That will just muddy the waters. My wife is bipolar and it's no bed of roses to live with. Even with treatment it can be tough and I'm beginning to question my own staying powers right now. I hope you can come to both a resolution and solution you can live comfortably with.
Author Rainbow Gem Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 I know. I know. I am just so frustrated. I am tired of him implying that I will run off and find someone else and at the same time wondering why don't I do it. It takes so much energy to get him to do anything that it is almost easier to not push him. It helps to hear that someone else is facing the same situation and that I am not alone. Thanks.
Enema Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 You only get one life. If you're not happy now and you don't think you will be in the near future... you owe it to yourself to get out. Why waste your life being miserable with this jerk? What do you gain? Nothing.
Recommended Posts