amethystshamrock Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Let me start by saying that I'm a lesbian and this post is about me and my girlfriend. For those of you that may have a problem with that just hit the back button:) Now here goes... I've only had one serious relationship and that was with my ex gf. It was a back and forth relationship for almost 3 years and it messed me up mentally. That's all I've known of love and it was bad so I kinda closed myself off. My whole life I haven't had many friend cause I have a problem trusting people and letting my guard down. So when I met my current gf K it wasn't too long since I broke things off with my ex. It was just a fling at first but I wasn't ready for anything serious. A couple months laterI saw that K was getting more into than me so I ended it with her and actually went back to hooking up with my ex. I know how stupid that was but it some twisted way I needed it to happen so I could have closure. That last a couple weeks and then I actually told my ex I still had feelings for K and I needed to work them out. For some reason K gave me another chance and we had an amazing summer. But I still had problems letting my guard down so that caused some problems. I also have some anger issues and I know that bothered her. I was so afraid of getting hurt again that I kept her at some what of a distance even though she is my gf. 2 weeks ago I finally let my walls down when I realized that I'm in love with her. I didn't really believe in love after my ex but my gf now is amazing and I totally fell for her. The day after I told K that I love her she said she needed space and that she needs to figure out if we should be together. Ouch. She said that I have been too back and forth this whole time and that she has loved me for a while but her guard is up cause of things I've done in the past like ask for space or getting into fights. I realize some of what I did really hurt her and I was just doing it to protect myself but I hurt her in the progress. I've apologized a bunch of times but she says she doesn't know if she can let her walls back down. She is tired of being hurt and looking stupid because of me. This is killing me. I just want to spend time with her and be affectionate but I can't because she is all confused. I'm trying not to pressure her into making a decision but how long am I just supposed to hang around until she decides? I can't stop crying. I haven't felt like this abiut anyone in so long and I never thought I would feel it again but I do. I just want her to give me a chance to show how I really am. The way I was in the begining was just to protect my heart. I really wanna be with her but I don't know if I can just hang around;not knowing what she is feeling is killing me.
jcster Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 All we can ever do is ask someone to love us, we can't make it happen. It sounds like she's tired of the drama and needs to figure out what's going on, and I would suggest that you take the time to do that as well. Be a friend to her, don't pressure her, and she may learn to trust you. If you start up more drama, she's going to go.
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