chall24503 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 My husband and I have been seperated for 3 months now. In the begining we had sexual relations together after he moved out, then things were distant for a while. Monday night after coming home from the hospital we gave into each other and had a wonderful time together alone. I am going crazy. Him leaving was something both of us had part in. I have been wanting to work it out, ect. He filed for seperation and it broke my heart. We have been married for 6 years and have a son, and two girls. Our issues range from many things but nothing I would consider worth ending the marriage over. If he is removing himself from the relationship then why come on to me and have sex? I gave in and so did he? Is it just sex? Or something else. It was very romantic and we talked and held each other afterwards. Since we have been seperated I suspected that he has been out. I dont have proof but he wont denie. Am I hanging on to something I should have let go along time ago?
redblack66 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 My husband and I have been seperated for 3 months now. In the begining we had sexual relations together after he moved out, then things were distant for a while. Monday night after coming home from the hospital we gave into each other and had a wonderful time together alone. I am going crazy. Him leaving was something both of us had part in. I have been wanting to work it out, ect. He filed for seperation and it broke my heart. We have been married for 6 years and have a son, and two girls. Our issues range from many things but nothing I would consider worth ending the marriage over. If he is removing himself from the relationship then why come on to me and have sex? I gave in and so did he? Is it just sex? Or something else. It was very romantic and we talked and held each other afterwards. Since we have been seperated I suspected that he has been out. I dont have proof but he wont denie. Am I hanging on to something I should have let go along time ago? Simple question: has sex been really good between two of you? If so, I can see why you got involved. It may not mean much, sorry for being pessimistic.
Author chall24503 Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Simple question: has sex been really good between two of you? If so, I can see why you got involved. It may not mean much, sorry for being pessimistic. I mean we have had good times and not so good times. When we are together we have this energy that pulls us together. I guess my question is if it is over why the sex? in this case making love. Is this common... when it is over it is over right?
Tripper Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Heck Chall, just because the marriage failed doesn't mean you still don't have feelings or tenderness for each other. And the sex is familiar territory recapturing something you both had or still have. You just can't live together.. For your own piece of mind, tho', you may want to end this so that you can heal and move forward in your life... you can still stay friends.
redblack66 Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I mean we have had good times and not so good times. When we are together we have this energy that pulls us together. I guess my question is if it is over why the sex? in this case making love. Is this common... when it is over it is over right? I can tell you from my experience. With my first wife, sex was truly amazing. This pulled us together during so many difficult times, but at the end, we were finished. When we were kind of done, we were intimate just to satisfy our physical but not so much emotional needs. What happened in my case several times is just going back for sex and good time, and nothing really else. Does not sound right, but this is what it was. No I am on a losing mission to save my second marriage, see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133240/ where sex is perhaps the worst compared to my previous relations, and it has been totally missing in the last 4 months. If it was my first wife, we would be intimate no matter how much we disliked each other. What I have learned: try not to read too much into signs that may tell you 'he wants me, we are not done.' I drove myself nearly crazy doing this.
Author chall24503 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 I can tell you from my experience. With my first wife, sex was truly amazing. This pulled us together during so many difficult times, but at the end, we were finished. When we were kind of done, we were intimate just to satisfy our physical but not so much emotional needs. What happened in my case several times is just going back for sex and good time, and nothing really else. Does not sound right, but this is what it was. No I am on a losing mission to save my second marriage, see http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t133240/ where sex is perhaps the worst compared to my previous relations, and it has been totally missing in the last 4 months. If it was my first wife, we would be intimate no matter how much we disliked each other. What I have learned: try not to read too much into signs that may tell you 'he wants me, we are not done.' I drove myself nearly crazy doing this. I guess I am too much of a girl. Always thinking some fantasy that my night in shining armor is there. I am a very loving person and love to be loved. I don't date for sex, I don't marry for security, I don't go to bars to pick up one nighters.. I get involved with my mind and heart. Of course in the past this has caused plenty of pain. That is why it is so hard for me not to read into sex. When I lay down with someone is because I have a connection with them, and I want more then just a fling, call me crazy. I am dwelling on this marriage and 3 months of it has drove me sick. Here it is 1am and I am writing about this. Crazy... kids are sleeping and mom is in here thinking of everything that has went wrong in her life. I have been reading about how to let go and trying to do so. Having sex with my stbxh is not letting go but affecting both of us. I have to face that it is over and we had our time and blew it. I just hate being alone. I love hanging out with someone and talking with them and doing things. Sure I am fine alone and have these wonderful kids but when you have someone you love with you it is what makes this world so beautiful. Sure everyone moves on in life and next year this time who knows what path I will be on. I just never wanted this for myself or the kids. I came from a divorce family and I never wanted it for my kids. I know I have jumped off topic, rambling... I just don't get life and why things happen the way they do. I am 32 years old and want the next 32 years to be happy and loved.
Melovator Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Then decide that you are happy and that you love yourself. Sex with someone else won't give that to you. You have to give those gifts to yourself. IMO anyway.
redblack66 Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I guess I am too much of a girl. Always thinking some fantasy that my night in shining armor is there. I am a very loving person and love to be loved. I don't date for sex, I don't marry for security, I don't go to bars to pick up one nighters.. I get involved with my mind and heart. Of course in the past this has caused plenty of pain. That is why it is so hard for me not to read into sex. When I lay down with someone is because I have a connection with them, and I want more then just a fling, call me crazy. No, it is not crazy. You a normal, sensitive person. I am in a very similar situation, but on the other side. Yes, you will be reading into many signs that may tell you that your man will be back. It seems natural and self destructive. I am dwelling on this marriage and 3 months of it has drove me sick. Here it is 1am and I am writing about this. Crazy... kids are sleeping and mom is in here thinking of everything that has went wrong in her life. I have been reading about how to let go and trying to do so. What is happening with you seems normal. I am experiencing absolutely the same. Having sex with my stbxh is not letting go but affecting both of us. I have to face that it is over and we had our time and blew it. I just hate being alone. I love hanging out with someone and talking with them and doing things. Sure I am fine alone and have these wonderful kids but when you have someone you love with you it is what makes this world so beautiful. Sure everyone moves on in life and next year this time who knows what path I will be on. I just never wanted this for myself or the kids. I came from a divorce family and I never wanted it for my kids. I know I have jumped off topic, rambling... I just don't get life and why things happen the way they do. I am 32 years old and want the next 32 years to be happy and loved. We never wanted this. Many of us blew it, and as we know it takes two to break, it is not just our fault. It happens and we have difficulties accepting it. I know you hurt very much and you will have sleepless nights. My lawyer just e-mailed me: go about your business. Perhaps this is the best you can do.
Aussie_Dad Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Chall2453, I am still with my wife but she has asked for a separation, I move out in a week, for December and then we will see. We made love the night she asked for the separation (emotions maybe) and twice since (9th Movemer). But nothing in the past week. For me it is one of the signs that there is still a chance, that there is still something there? Not that things are all good, but a chance. I can see you are doing the same, but 3 months after a separation, and you will know better than us, I am afraid it appears he may be keeping you dangling? Is it till someone else comes along? Don't know - maybe he wants his cake and to eat it to? You do need to look after yourself and start moving on, and don't give up there are still Prince Charmings out there, I am not one, but I am a damn good bloke and my wife still does not know if she wants me. There are guys out there who want what you are looking for, just need to find them, and vice versa. This is easier said then done. Don't let go of the dream, once you do your a gonna. ;-)
Curmudgeon Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 My husband and I have been seperated for 3 months now. In the begining we had sexual relations together after he moved out, then things were distant for a while. Monday night after coming home from the hospital we gave into each other and had a wonderful time together alone. I am going crazy. Him leaving was something both of us had part in. I have been wanting to work it out, ect. He filed for seperation and it broke my heart. We have been married for 6 years and have a son, and two girls. Our issues range from many things but nothing I would consider worth ending the marriage over. If he is removing himself from the relationship then why come on to me and have sex? I gave in and so did he? Is it just sex? Or something else. It was very romantic and we talked and held each other afterwards. Since we have been seperated I suspected that he has been out. I dont have proof but he wont denie. Am I hanging on to something I should have let go along time ago? ...and therefore, you're holding yourself back. Not only that but if your children wake up in the morning to find that you've spent the night together that is going to make them more hopeful that the family will be "mended" than, perhaps, is realistic. But then again, I think it's having the same affect on you. If the marriage is indeed over then there needs to be a clean and complete break. That's the only way you can truly move on with your life. Once the ex and I separated, sex with her was the last thing I wanted.
AHIWON Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I think it should be reduced to hall sex only after a break up! Thats where you yell "f*** you" at each other across the hall! Personally I didn't find my X any way attractive after we broke up. That would be the last thing I would want to do with her. I wouldn't want to send any mixed messages either. It's clear we are not together and won't be again.
Author chall24503 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 I don't know anymore about anything.. I feel used now thinking about it. My wants and his wants are two different things. I didn't have sex with him because I needed it. I did because I wanted to show him how I feel for him. I was wrong because in the end he goes his way. I am still here alone. This is not the life style I want for me or the kids. It isn't. I cant control myself around him and my emotions take over. How do I stop that? How do I look at him and say no more. If he loves me he would look at me and want to make things work. It takes two. I am hurting inside so much and it has been 3 painful months. I cant move on and I don't want too... I am stuck on repeat and cant skip to the next song...
Author chall24503 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 Chall2453, I am still with my wife but she has asked for a separation, I move out in a week, for December and then we will see. We made love the night she asked for the separation (emotions maybe) and twice since (9th Movemer). But nothing in the past week. For me it is one of the signs that there is still a chance, that there is still something there? Not that things are all good, but a chance. I can see you are doing the same, but 3 months after a separation, and you will know better than us, I am afraid it appears he may be keeping you dangling? Is it till someone else comes along? Don't know - maybe he wants his cake and to eat it to? You do need to look after yourself and start moving on, and don't give up there are still Prince Charmings out there, I am not one, but I am a damn good bloke and my wife still does not know if she wants me. There are guys out there who want what you are looking for, just need to find them, and vice versa. This is easier said then done. Don't let go of the dream, once you do your a gonna. ;-) Well it is nice talking with people on here with similar situations. It helps me clear my mind at least for a while. Today was hard, holiday and well I am alone with the kids and without my husband. I felt out of place. I miss him dearly and wish he would come around, maybe that is what I am holding on too... hope. will this hope float...
Lizzie60 Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 I have a feeling your husband just want to explore what's out there while keeping you on 'stand by' mode... but I am sorry to say that this 'stand-by mode' can last for a while ... while he is out there looking to find someone who might replace you. I think he is stringing you ... sorry to be so blunt but I sincerely feel you'll get hurt more in the long run if you keep seeing him.
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