dreamer79 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 So, this might be long.... I have been dating my b/f for 7 years. We got together when I was 21 and he was 19. I am now 28 and he is 26. I am not happy and have not been for a long time. I have wanted to end it for...well, it seems like years. But, every time I try he starts freaking out. The thing other than the drama from him that makes it so hard is the fact I think he might be one of the most perfect men out there. He is so nice, he never cheated on me (to my knowledge anyway), he tries to give me gifts all he time, her holds a good job and helps with the bills. The negative...his freaking jealousy.It has driven me to the point of no return. Even after 7 years, just the other day, he questioned me about a male friend I had been talking to at a party. I have not seen this male friend in years and I was just talking with him. When we got home from the party it was a fight. We are not talking about the occasional jealous...at every turn..someone is looking at me...someone wants me. I cannot believe that after all these years he doesn't trust me. I have NEVER strayed from him. I have been completely faithful I even stopped hanging with my friends to avoid fights at home. And my friends HATE him. Another problem, his drunk ass mother!! She is a nut job and tries to ruin everything that he has. To wrap that one up, she attacked an ex of his and she has said and done things to me that are unforgivable. He wants to get married and have a family but I don't..not with him. I can see my life turning into one big hell hole...a prison. If I cant get along with his family what kind of future will that be. The worst part...sex....I hate it. don't even want him to touch me. When he tried to hold me..I squirm away. I am torn because he is such a good guy and I feel that I wont ever find someone as good as he is. I know it sounds stupid..because I am unhappy. I don't want to hurt anyone but I don't want to keep feeling this way either. Plus...7 yrs vested. ****. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
izzylicious Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Have you tried individual or couple's therapy? You will never find a perfect man, but there is obviously something good about him that keeps you around, so maybe there is a way to deal with the negative feelings. Once those feelings are dealt with in a constructive manner, you can decide if you are truly unhappy or if the good outweighs the bad. There is truth to the saying the 7 year itch, too, it is often a time of discontent just like 1 year into a relationship.
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 yeah 7 years is alot of time to throw away...i have been with my boyfriend for only a year and it feels like forever and we are having problems and i feel like that whole year will be thrown to the trash...its sad because you have spent so much time with that person and out of nowhere things start to fade away they arent the same anymore.....my best advice to you is follow your heart...if you dont love him or even want him to touch you then theres no point of being with him you reject him and that means you just dont want to have anything with him....if thats the case stop playing with his heart dont hurt him even more and break it off...its better now dont wait 7 more years..i dont think you would like someone you loved lie to yo about his feelings and make you think they still want to be with you but wanting to leave you....i dont think so... good luck..
Author dreamer79 Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 I have brought up the counseling and his reaction was screw that. He said if we have to go to therapy then there is nothing there. But then when I try to break it he freaks. He keeps saying how he cant live without me and he will never date anyone else, he will just stay single forever (drama right?!)
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 i understand where hes coming from because i am in the same position ..i think...my boyfriend acts weird like he doesnt want to be near me hes always mad at me and cusses at me alot and calls me stupid and just acts weird...i feel like he doesnt care anymore about me and i tell him that if he doesnt love me or even like me anymore then to leave me but he says he loves me ad that hes too attached to me and so e cant leave me...but then again if he loves me then why does he act the ways hes acting??.......and it hurts me more because i dont really know exactly how he feels i cant read his mind and im going crazy thinking about him and asking myself what i did wrong so he would be acting this way.....it hurts you know....i would want my bf to really tell me his feelings without him worrying to hurt my feelings if he says something i wont want to hear....i rather know from him then find out later and from someone else.....talk to him thats the best thing you can do if you dont want to be with him no more dont stay for pitty thats the worst thing you can do to someone....just because they love you and your afradi they will do something to themselves and get deppressed...dont do it..your doing worst by lying about your feelings... trust me...
Author dreamer79 Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 You are right. I dont want to wait any longer than I have already. I have never been mean to him though. We have spent most of our 20's together and I have respect for him. I would never degrade him. What made me really think that I have to leave is the physical lack. Once I have no desire to be touched it is a problem. How can we get married and have kids under that. It would not be fair to anyone. Thanks for the insight.
SYRACUSE03 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Wow...7 years is a long time. I completely understand your dilemma. I'm in the same boat but I was on the losing end. My g/f walked away after almost 5 years and it has really gotten to me. I am a strong advocate for sticking things out (for the right reasons) and from what I read, there is nothing that sounds so terrible that you should run the other way. He sounds like he needs some reassurance from you to know that he is still the one. As for not wanting to be touched, men can sense that, trust me, but they never realize that the longer they choose not to address it properly, they risk the chance of losing something very important...you. Think of this for a moment...don't you think that if someone feels the other party is distant they may have thoughts that that person is cheating...it's natural. Speak up, be heard. Communication is key and it's a fragile time right now. I think that everything that you wrote her, he should know. If you truly love him, give him the opportunity to make things right. If he doesn't, then at least you'll be satisfied that you tried. I would try to get some individual counseling which may clear some things up for you because the "not wanting sex" issue alone seems to be something completely different. You must have seen something that attracted you to him. You just need to find it again. He seems like a good guy with some insecurities. We all have them. You can find another relationship and of course the first few months will be fantastic...sex, phone calls, etc. The phase wears off then you are back to square one. Good luck and hope all goes well. Enjoy your Holiday!
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 if you are still not sure you can take a break from him be by yourself take some time to think but dont lead him in to something that isnt going to happen. dont give him false hopes
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