ImThinkingWTF Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I met this reallly super super nice guy, we had a great 1st date, the conversation was great, the chemistry was great....everything i thought....was great. even the kiss goodnight. So that was on saturday... He sent me an email saying "hey! Ive been thinking about you, ive just been super busy at work. i have the rest of the week off, i dont know what im going to do with myself. hope youre doing good. talk to you/see you soon." Maybe I am over analyzing things....as women tend to do...but...it sort of bothers me that he hasnt made any effort to set up another date and contact has been very sparse where before the date i heard from him (atleast a text/email) everyday. He did tell me that since it was thanksgiving...his work would be more intense...but, hes working the same hours. I am refusing to call him...because I want to know if he is really interested or not. My sister thinks that I should pursue him because he seems a little unsure of himself when it comes to women. He was a little submissive during the date and kept asking me where i wanted him to sit...etc. ugh, I really think i am just overanalyzing things...but i think i could really like him......should i call him or leave it up to him? i kind of want to send him a text asking him if he wants to do something on fri. does his message sound like hes blowing me off? the "been thinking about you" seems sincere. what do you all think??
tomwiz Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Suggest going out again soon to him, men are going to be more willing if the girl makes it known that she's receptive.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Stay away from him. It sounds like he maybe unsure of himself which means he cannot carry a kinship with anyone because he is messed up. Let some other person deal with his crap. Move on from this one.
EYECANDY000 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Send him a text message and just tell him you had a great time on the date and would love to do it again. That way he knows that you are very much interested in him. and if he chooses to respond or not, not you dont have to go about being unsure about what will happen between you to.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 i really want to give him a chance. i think im going to let him know without a doubt that i am interested....i really dont have anything to lose... thanks guys/ladies.
tomwiz Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I believe BEB is being a little hard on this guy. Just because he was being kind of shy and debateably courteous doesn't mean he is messed up. He's in the military ans was probably brought up semi-old fashioned, and its hard to get readjusted to being in a non-combat zone as well. Give the guy a break, don't have to necessarly ask him out, just give him enough hints so he knows he's not going to get rejected haha, some guys are thick
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 haha...thanks tomwiz...i think you hit the nail on the head.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 ack, now i dont know what to say!! Im a photo major and in my response to his email I asked him when he was going to let me take his picture--hes got really great beat up hands....he responded with how dirty and beat up his hands are and "you let me know when you want to take some pics" ugh ugh ugh...
Phateless Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 ack, now i dont know what to say!! Im a photo major and in my response to his email I asked him when he was going to let me take his picture--hes got really great beat up hands....he responded with how dirty and beat up his hands are and "you let me know when you want to take some pics" ugh ugh ugh... Just ask him to hang out. He's hinting that he wants you to ask him to hang out cuz he doesn't want to pursue you if you're not interested. Quit the games, just ask him out already.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 welll.....I sent him a text...and i got no response. I get scared off easily...so...I think Im not going to do anything else if I dont hear from him soon. i like knowing if someone is interested in me or not...not playing a guessing game. that gets old.
Racquel Colette Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Yeah, you've done enough. He is just not that into you, it's clear.
Trialbyfire Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 welll.....I sent him a text...and i got no response. I get scared off easily...so...I think Im not going to do anything else if I dont hear from him soon. i like knowing if someone is interested in me or not...not playing a guessing game. that gets old. What did you say in the text? Did you flirt with him?
Lizzie60 Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 ask him out for the 2nd date. He sent me an email saying "hey! Ive been thinking about you, ive just been super busy at work. i have the rest of the week off, i dont know what im going to do with myself. hope youre doing good. talk to you/see you soon." That looked like an invitation for you to invite him... LOL he wanted you to know he had the rest of the week off. Why do we always have to wait for the guys to do the 'work'... come on.. ask him.. I bet that's what he wants.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 alright....well, Im a wimp so I just replied to his email...I asked him if he wanted to do something on friday and he said sounds great. I dont know what Im expecting but....I really do feel like Im doing all the work. Im used to getting chased...and I think he is too...he is like...reallllllllllly hot. I usually take the more laid back, its whatever approach but i think his smoking good looks are fogging up my good judgement and making me question myself toooooo much. I guess Im just going to keep pursing until I get a door slammed in my face...screw it...hes still halfass acting interested.
Phateless Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 alright....well, Im a wimp so I just replied to his email...I asked him if he wanted to do something on friday and he said sounds great. I dont know what Im expecting but....I really do feel like Im doing all the work. Im used to getting chased...and I think he is too...he is like...reallllllllllly hot. I usually take the more laid back, its whatever approach but i think his smoking good looks are fogging up my good judgement and making me question myself toooooo much. I guess Im just going to keep pursing until I get a door slammed in my face...screw it...hes still halfass acting interested. He's not acting half-assed interested, he's acting very interested. Dating should be 50/50, why should one person do all the work? He did all the work at first, now it's your turn to step up and meet him halfway. Report back after the second date and go from there.
amerikajin Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 alright....well, Im a wimp so I just replied to his email...I asked him if he wanted to do something on friday and he said sounds great. I dont know what Im expecting but....I really do feel like Im doing all the work. Im used to getting chased...and I think he is too...he is like...reallllllllllly hot. I usually take the more laid back, its whatever approach but i think his smoking good looks are fogging up my good judgement and making me question myself toooooo much. I guess Im just going to keep pursing until I get a door slammed in my face...screw it...hes still halfass acting interested. I think you should keep pursuing until you no longer feel like pursuing. I said it on another thread, but I think that people far too often over-analyze relationships, especially in the very beginning. It's certainly an easy trap to fall into and I admit to doing it myself, but it's really kind of silly when you think about it. People are so different from one person to the next. We're not all going to have the same ideas about when to call, when not to call, how to say things. I mean, just use your best judgment. I think he might be interested but maybe he just wants to take things slowly. Maybe he's really busy and has a lot of responsibility at his job. That doesn't mean he can't have a good time with, it just may not be on your timetable, that's all. I think you just have to sense what's what. I mean, if he's at least responsive and sounds open to a date, then that's cool. Maybe you could just tell him on your next date your own attitudes about dating and find out his. Doesn't have to be a formal talk or anything, but when the time is right, ask him about some past relationships. How they worked out and what he did. I think you'll his behavior will make a lot more sense that way.
Racquel Colette Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I stand by my "old school" belief that a man who is interested will go out of his way to pursue. Relationships where the man is "sitting back" and letting the woman chase never work out (except for flings) because he's just not showing that natural male instinct to pursue what he wants. Sorry but that is just the truth. He has given you direct signals that he is not that interested, but he'll go out if you ask, and he'll sleep with you....but it won't go anywhere, I guarantee it.
amerikajin Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I stand by my "old school" belief that a man who is interested will go out of his way to pursue. Relationships where the man is "sitting back" and letting the woman chase never work out (except for flings) because he's just not showing that natural male instinct to pursue what he wants. Sorry but that is just the truth. He has given you direct signals that he is not that interested, but he'll go out if you ask, and he'll sleep with you....but it won't go anywhere, I guarantee it. There is absolutely nothing I've read that would indicate that the guy is not interested. He may still be feeling her out a little bit, but there's nothing wrong with that. I would agree that if one person's doing a significant amount of the heavy lifting in a relationship, it's not going to work. If he rarely or never initiates, and particularly if he never responds, then I would agree that it's not going to work out.
Racquel Colette Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 The guy really has to do the pursuing in the beginning. Seriously, she'll be posting in a week how it didn't work out, or she will be 'confused' at his 'confusing' behavior. This could be why you are on here with dating problems bashing women, because you don't understand this natural process, Amerikajin.
amerikajin Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 The guy really has to do the pursuing in the beginning. Seriously, she'll be posting in a week how it didn't work out, or she will be 'confused' at his 'confusing' behavior. This could be why you are on here with dating problems bashing women, because you don't understand this natural process, Amerikajin. Yeah, you're right: it's just me and my hand tonight. Seriously, I do have issues with women but they're more with myself and figuring out how to maintain a relationship once I've gotten it off the ground. I'm alright when it comes to the actual picking up part -- not that I'm a pick up artist or anything (definitely not that). I just don't know what I want...that's for another thread. I would agree that guys typically are expected to pursue. I have also had girls pursue me as well, and one of those relationships lasted for more than two years. I think the key is that there has to be genuine interest expressed by both sides. I think women are conditioned to expect pursuit, and that's why I would agree that a guy should pursue so as to avoid misunderstanding. However, I would also say that it never hurts for a woman to help a guy along once in a while. Bottom line: does she like him or not? If she likes him, why not help this guy out a little? Can't hurt unless she's doing most of the work, which is no fun for either gender.
Phateless Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I stand by my "old school" belief that a man who is interested will go out of his way to pursue. Relationships where the man is "sitting back" and letting the woman chase never work out (except for flings) because he's just not showing that natural male instinct to pursue what he wants. Sorry but that is just the truth. He has given you direct signals that he is not that interested, but he'll go out if you ask, and he'll sleep with you....but it won't go anywhere, I guarantee it. But you forget about all the poor guys with no confidence who were conditioned by society to be the "nice guys" that all women SAY they want, but in actuality would never go out with. THAT is why guys get their hearts broken.
Author ImThinkingWTF Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 But you forget about all the poor guys with no confidence who were conditioned by society to be the "nice guys" that all women SAY they want, but in actuality would never go out with. THAT is why guys get their hearts broken. well, we did have a minor talk about past relationships and that is exactly what he said. he said hes a nice guy (and he is) and girls say thats what they want but when they get him, they dump him for a jerk, or they get tired of being with a nice guy. I'm going to see what happens between now and the next date. Im going to call him tomorrow and see if he still wants to do something. *shrugs* In an ideal world though...things would be like racquel sees it...I think maybe hes a little insecure...and I can deal with that.
Phateless Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 well, we did have a minor talk about past relationships and that is exactly what he said. he said hes a nice guy (and he is) and girls say thats what they want but when they get him, they dump him for a jerk, or they get tired of being with a nice guy. I'm going to see what happens between now and the next date. Im going to call him tomorrow and see if he still wants to do something. *shrugs* In an ideal world though...things would be like racquel sees it...I think maybe hes a little insecure...and I can deal with that. Well good. I hope things work out.
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