Virgo1982 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Did you do it for revenge and/or did you think the BS deserved to know? Either way, how long did you wait before you told her/him? How did the BS react? How did the MM/MW react?
Freedom Now Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 She called me on D-Day. I lied for him. Told her we were just friends: nothing more. If she called me today, I wouldn't lie. I hold no ill towards her or my xMM, however, I do believe that if she is still searching for the truth, she deserves to hear it. There is nothing worse than knowing in your gut that there is more to the story and being told that you are "crazy" and subsequently being gaslighted. She deserves the truth if she wants it.
imstunned Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Wife called me a week after I found out he was married. I lied. I said to ex mm that I wouldnt tell today. If she ever calls I'll tell her but I wont seek her out to tell her.
RoseRen Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I'm a victim of one of those complicated tales. My H married another lady when we were still married. So I am answering from the perspective of a BS and an OW (if that makes any sense.) When my husband got married, he confessed to me. Thinking of it now, it was better that he did it, rather than his wife (if at all she knew I was married to him). His new wife came to know the news from some other source, but I was the one confirmed the news. And again in retrospect, I think I shouldn't have done that and instead suggested my husband to talk to her. So my opinion based on my experiences is - OW is the worst person to spill the news to the BS. When a H is telling the news it is more of an apology and shows that he still values her and considers her a human. Another note: Usually an OW tells the news to the BS, when she(OW) thinks she is lost control over the situation(if the MM and OW are having a fight or if OW is feeling insecure). So for some affectionate and understanding BS-es, it might sound like "Your husband cheated me, but he still chose to come back to you. And all I can do is yell at you."
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 I'm a victim of one of those complicated tales. My H married another lady when we were still married. So I am answering from the perspective of a BS and an OW (if that makes any sense.) When my husband got married, he confessed to me. Thinking of it now, it was better that he did it, rather than his wife (if at all she knew I was married to him). His new wife came to know the news from some other source, but I was the one confirmed the news. And again in retrospect, I think I shouldn't have done that and instead suggested my husband to talk to her. So my opinion based on my experiences is - OW is the worst person to spill the news to the BS. When a H is telling the news it is more of an apology and shows that he still values her and considers her a human. Another note: Usually an OW tells the news to the BS, when she(OW) thinks she is lost control over the situation(if the MM and OW are having a fight or if OW is feeling insecure). So for some affectionate and understanding BS-es, it might sound like "Your husband cheated me, but he still chose to come back to you. And all I can do is yell at you." I agree that the WS should be the one to break the news. However, they still lived a double life at the end of the day. Also, your H MARRIED another woman. I don't know why you feel like you've "won the prize." I guess love rules...
White Flower Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I agree that the WS should be the one to break the news. However, they still lived a double life at the end of the day. Also, your H MARRIED another woman. I don't know why you feel like you've "won the prize." I guess love rules... Yes, Roseren is the perfect Christian example of turning the other cheek. And look what it got her...a man who has ED and blames her for her cancer. And he is the luckiest guy in the world because she loves him anyway. Best wishes Roseren!
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 Yes, Roseren is the perfect Christian example of turning the other cheek. And look what it got her...a man who has ED and blames her for her cancer. And he is the luckiest guy in the world because she loves him anyway. Best wishes Roseren! God supports divorce in the event of infidelity though. I think that makes a bold statement. The point is, I don't think he's lucky. I don't think she's lucky. I think they both need to grow.
RoseRen Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 I agree that both of us are not having a good time. A woman with cancer is equal to a man with ED, when it comes to luck. I agree that we both need to work on ourselves and our relationship. I've taken a "short-break" from the relationship - on popular demand - and see how it goes. So not to hijack this thread... I agree that the WS should be the one to break the news. However, they still lived a double life at the end of the day. Like I mentioned in my previous post, if an OW wants to tell the BS, because of revenge, then I think it just projects her lack of control over the situation. But instead, if she wants to tell the BS, because she thinks she deserves to know - the alternative is to canvas the MM to do it. I agree with Virgo abt how they still live a double life. I know it is a very difficult thing.
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 I agree that both of us are not having a good time. A woman with cancer is equal to a man with ED, when it comes to luck. I agree that we both need to work on ourselves and our relationship. I've taken a "short-break" from the relationship - on popular demand - and see how it goes. So not to hijack this thread... Like I mentioned in my previous post, if an OW wants to tell the BS, because of revenge, then I think it just projects her lack of control over the situation. But instead, if she wants to tell the BS, because she thinks she deserves to know - the alternative is to canvas the MM to do it. I agree with Virgo abt how they still live a double life. I know it is a very difficult thing. I think you've made a wise decision and you'll appreciate it later. Sometimes our toughest moments wind up making the biggest difference in our lives.
Freedom Now Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Yes, the difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter....
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 Yes, the difficulties in life are intended to make us better, not bitter.... True indeed. No one is exempt. And those who think they are never grow because they refuse to recognize this fact.
Lizzie60 Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Did you do it for revenge and/or did you think the BS deserved to know? I did it by accident... I didn't know he was married, I called a number (he forgot to block it) and she answered... I asked to speak to him... she said, 'please don't go, I have to talk to you, I'm his wife'.... Either way, how long did you wait before you told her/him? This happened 6 months in the relationship. How did the BS react? She was calm... even calmer than I was.. LOL How did the MM/MW react? She caught us together... (arranged by her)... he wanted to be 6' under ground when she caught us... This being said, I would never ever tell a BS... why would I hurt someone like that, since I do not want those MMs in my life, long term or full time.
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 Did you do it for revenge and/or did you think the BS deserved to know? I did it by accident... I didn't know he was married, I called a number (he forgot to block it) and she answered... I asked to speak to him... she said, 'please don't go, I have to talk to you, I'm his wife'.... Either way, how long did you wait before you told her/him? This happened 6 months in the relationship. How did the BS react? She was calm... even calmer than I was.. LOL How did the MM/MW react? She caught us together... (arranged by her)... he wanted to be 6' under ground when she caught us... This being said, I would never ever tell a BS... why would I hurt someone like that, since I do not want those MMs in my life, long term or full time. Wow...I guess she didn't care what your intentions were. They oughtta make a movie about your life Lizzie. Your adventures are quite interesting.
Lizzie60 Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Wow...I guess she didn't care what your intentions were. They oughtta make a movie about your life Lizzie. Your adventures are quite interesting. Hahaha.. no.. I don't think so... it's true that I have lived a lot of funny and not-so-funny adventures but with the amount of men I've been with in the last 6 years... anyone would.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 1. Did you do it for revenge and/or did you think the BS deserved to know? 2. Either way, how long did you wait before you told her/him? 3. How did the BS react? 4. How did the MM/MW react? It was during college, and I was with a guy who was dating a friend of mine. We were all in the same circle of friends. 1. I did not do it for revenge. I honestly felt really bad about it. She had invited me over to cook dinner for me and watch movies, and I told her that night. I just blurted it out basically. 2. Not more than a couple of weeks after he and I hooked up the first time. 3. She was shocked, angry, stunned, and curious about why he and I would do such a thing when everyone knew how much she loved him. 4. I told him that I told her, and he was surprised but ultimately relieved. He was trying to find a way out, and I guess the exit affair was the way out.
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 It was during college, and I was with a guy who was dating a friend of mine. We were all in the same circle of friends. 1. I did not do it for revenge. I honestly felt really bad about it. She had invited me over to cook dinner for me and watch movies, and I told her that night. I just blurted it out basically. 2. Not more than a couple of weeks after he and I hooked up the first time. 3. She was shocked, angry, stunned, and curious about why he and I would do such a thing when everyone knew how much she loved him. 4. I told him that I told her, and he was surprised but ultimately relieved. He was trying to find a way out, and I guess the exit affair was the way out. So she actually owes you a thank card in a way. You were a catalyst for a break-up that was bound to happen anyway.
Love is Tragic Posted November 24, 2007 Posted November 24, 2007 Did you do it for revenge and/or did you think the BS deserved to know? Either way, how long did you wait before you told her/him? How did the BS react? How did the MM/MW react? I would kill to tell the W about exMM and me, ha.. And im still debating over whether to tell her or not. Im positive if she knew it was me he cheated with, that she would most likely contact me first. Or not, who knows? This is an interesting thread though!
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 24, 2007 Author Posted November 24, 2007 I would kill to tell the W about exMM and me, ha.. And im still debating over whether to tell her or not. Im positive if she knew it was me he cheated with, that she would most likely contact me first. Or not, who knows? This is an interesting thread though! Why are you sure? How do you and the BS know each other?
Love is Tragic Posted November 27, 2007 Posted November 27, 2007 I met MM because he was in my town for business and frequented my place of work while on business, we became friends. Ive met his wife and children several times. We are in NC, but before the NC, he told me that she knew something had happened, but not details-he told me that she doesnt know if was me he cheated with, funny thing is, she thinks it was my boss he cheated with and banned him from any communication with anyone he met while staying in my town. Feel free to read all my previous posts..
Author Virgo1982 Posted November 27, 2007 Author Posted November 27, 2007 I met MM because he was in my town for business and frequented my place of work while on business, we became friends. Ive met his wife and children several times. We are in NC, but before the NC, he told me that she knew something had happened, but not details-he told me that she doesnt know if was me he cheated with, funny thing is, she thinks it was my boss he cheated with and banned him from any communication with anyone he met while staying in my town. Feel free to read all my previous posts.. Maybe you're not giving his W enough credit. How did you and the W meet?
Love is Tragic Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 We met at my place of work several times, when she and the kids would drive down to stay with him for a couple days at a time. Sometimes they would just drive up to have dinner with him and then drive back home. He told me his wife never suspected me at any time, for the simple fact that i was married as well and wasnt "his type". funny, eh?
Love is Tragic Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 We met at my place of work several times, when she and the kids would drive down to stay with him for a couple days at a time. Sometimes they would just drive up to have dinner with him and then drive back home. He told me his wife never suspected me at any time, for the simple fact that i was married as well and wasnt "his type". funny, eh?
Love is Tragic Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 We met at my place of work several times, when she and the kids would drive down to stay with him for a couple days at a time. Sometimes they would just drive up to have dinner with him and then drive back home. He told me his wife never suspected me at any time, for the simple fact that i was married as well and wasnt "his type". funny, eh? I
Love is Tragic Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 We met at my place of work several times, when she and the kids would drive down to stay with him for a couple days at a time. Sometimes they would just drive up to have dinner with him and then drive back home. He told me his wife never suspected me at any time, for the simple fact that i was married as well and wasnt "his type". funny, eh? I was "his t
Love is Tragic Posted November 28, 2007 Posted November 28, 2007 We met at my place of work several times, when she and the kids would drive down to stay with him for a couple days at a time. Sometimes they would just drive up to have dinner with him and then drive back home. He told me his wife never suspected me at any time, for the simple fact that i was married as well and wasnt "his type". funny, eh? I was "his type" for
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