Just can't seem to stay up

[bigheartkindsoul]

Well BHKS loving self is the miracle cure. you really do need to put yourself first during this time. xxxx

 

Yes I just wish, again sigh, that I knew how too.

[LakesideDream]

BHKS, After a 25 year marriage, which included 24 marathon Christmas holidays (plus turkey day) filled with family and kids, I don't know what my advice is worth.

 

Beginning 7 Christmas's ago I found myself alone, just me and Mr. Kitty. I did my best for awhile, even tried a tree and stuff the first couple of years. I still cook myself traditional meals. A couple of times I've had guests over, once my son came by (lives 600 miles away).

 

This year will by my first without my BFF Mr. Kitty. No I'm not looking forward to it, but 7 years experiance tells my head that I'll get through it. I'm 57 years old. Maybe there are a couple of good Christmas's left in my future, maybe not. Time will tell.

 

I'm sure that starting now you WILL have many, many great holidays coming up. Try and be patient. I am sure it will hurt. What you will gain will be worth it.

[Jmina]

go back over every post ive read about loving the self until it makes sense. look it up online, buy a book, make your wish into reality. if you really want to start loving yourself there are many wonderful ways to find out.

[funkybassplayer]

BHKS, After a 25 year marriage, which included 24 marathon Christmas holidays (plus turkey day) filled with family and kids, I don't know what my advice is worth.

 

Beginning 7 Christmas's ago I found myself alone, just me and Mr. Kitty. I did my best for awhile, even tried a tree and stuff the first couple of years. I still cook myself traditional meals. A couple of times I've had guests over, once my son came by (lives 600 miles away).

 

This year will by my first without my BFF Mr. Kitty. No I'm not looking forward to it, but 7 years experiance tells my head that I'll get through it. I'm 57 years old. Maybe there are a couple of good Christmas's left in my future, maybe not. Time will tell.

 

I'm sure that starting now you WILL have many, many great holidays coming up. Try and be patient. I am sure it will hurt. What you will gain will be worth it.

 

 

 

BHS this person is an insperation.

[spookie]

Hugs to you BHKS.

 

I often feel down this time of year too. If you're with someone, usually whatever you end up doing doesn't live up to the hype and you're disappointed. (Or else just plain pissed that you didn't get invited to their parents' or something along those lines.) If you're alone it's a constant reminder that you're alone. Plus it's cold and expensive. This time of year sucks =(.

 

You gotta change your mindset though. Instead of focusing on the negative, think of the positive.

 

No one on this site thinks you are fat and most people think you are drop dead gorgeous. You are also intelligent, have a good personality, and are kind. Be thankful that you didn't get screwed genetically... because you didn't, you got very lucky.

 

Be thankful that you didn't get stuck with the wrong person. You were unhappy with him and he mistreated you... remember that. It's easy to get stuck in teh same thinking pattern that involves loneliness and nostalgia... but the fact that you are alone just means that you are free to meet someone new. Someone wothy of your love, who will sweep you off your feet and with whom you will be genuinely happy for a long long time. Think of that. Of him -- the man you are going to meet one of these days.

 

If you feel out of control or lost, get in control, find yourself. Tell yourself you are strong, that your experiences have made you stronger, that you're a survivor. That you can handle anything (because, up to now, you have).

 

 

 

This is going to sound weird, but there's a book that always makes me feel better whenever I get into funks like the one you're in. It's not great literature, in fact the second half of it is so bad that I've never gotten through it, but the beginning I've reread a hundred times. The main character is hilarious and shows you how not to give a FK about anything except yourself, something I think is important to know how to do if you want to be happy. It's called Confessions of a Sociopathic Socialclimber and it's deceptively chick-lit on the cover.

[bigheartkindsoul]

I am working on it, and with the help of my hypnotist/therapist we are aiming to take control back - I just needed some guidence in how too aswell as working through my thoughts and feelings from the relationship with the ex.

 

Remember these things do not change with a click of the fingers for some, and me being one of them. Its just gonna take some time.

 

I was told by my therapist that negative thoughts/feelins are 30% more powerful than positive ones - interesting and answers alot, not just for me but all those who stuggle with negative thoughts and feelings.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Flip flopping alot today!

 

Perhaps I just need to let these tears stream and get this grief and sadness out of my system.

 

{{{{{hugs myself}}}}}

[Leia]

Hi there BigHeart! I just read your thread and I am sorry you're feeling flip-flopish today!

 

I'm sure there is something you can do to make yourself feel better! Actually letting yourself cry like a baby usually helps! It helped me a lot in the past... Just a thought!

[bustertypsy]

I do try, just cannot seem to gain any continuity.

 

Today I was ok had a good work appointment means a fair bit of business for me, after I went to the shops as was meeting a friend so while I waited I had a mooch. Looking at all the Xmas stuff just makes me feel so sad and alone, its such a horrible time to be lonely, so many in the UK suffer with this at this time of year.

 

And then trying on a Xmas party dress, I just feel so fat n horrible so my mood has just taken another nose dive. And yes I did tell my friend why I felt glum although she didn't have alot to say, what can she say.

 

Fat, lonely, single and its almost Xmas, can't wait to wake up alone on Xmas morning and open my presents alone, great, not.

 

Just wanted to vent and get that off my chest while I sit here and cry.

 

 

Aahh BKHS,I know how you must feel.I am dreading Xmas too.

I just wish I could disappear off the face of the earth until the New Year.You are not alone.

 

Is the avator picture you??? Well if it is you,you are not fat!!,so look at yourself and love yourself.I have read most of what you post and the only part of you that's big is your heart.

Remind yourself of how much you are cherished by family and friends.

 

I know coming out of a relationship makes us feel low.Our self esteem and our ego take a dive.I am in that place too.But then I look at all the people who look up to me because they view me as a strong confident person.If they see these good points,it's only because they are there.

So think good of yourself and the confidence and self esteem will resurface and the real you will emerge again,but a stronger you.

Think past Xmas,maybe the spring,when all the plants come to life.

I guarantee you,you will come back to life too,and will find great happiness.Head up and a big smile!!!!!

[bigheartkindsoul]

Thank you xxxx

 

Yesterday I was good I was fairly happy and could concentrate loads on my work n stuff.

 

This morning i was fine had a long 3.5hr drive to my head office, on way home I started crying and feeling down again.

 

There is no rhyme or reason to it, so I definately think it is the depression and the chemical imbalance that comes with it.

 

Somehow have to work through these times but also letting myself grieve and get out anything I need too aswell.

 

I'll get there.

 

What makes Xmas harder is the fact we started dating on 22nd December, so I have alot of memories this year of that lovely romantic feeling I had last year that I do not have now. That makes me sad in my heart.

 

How can I look forward to spring with his Jan always being so quiet and boring and Feb being the month of his birthday that I went to alot of effort for and of course dreaded Valentines too.

 

I wil get there but it is sooo hard, so so hard.

[JamesM]

 

How can I look forward to spring with his Jan always being so quiet and boring and Feb being the month of his birthday that I went to alot of effort for and of course dreaded Valentines too.

 

 

Take it day by day.

 

And never forget...just because today looks bleak does not mean that tomorrow will be bleak. It is just as likely that something or somebody that brings you happiness is just around the corner.

 

It would be good if you do see a counselor for advice, therapy, and possibly antidepressants which will help get you through this.

 

You will make it...I can read it in your tone.

[bustertypsy]

Thank you xxxx

 

Yesterday I was good I was fairly happy and could concentrate loads on my work n stuff.

 

This morning i was fine had a long 3.5hr drive to my head office, on way home I started crying and feeling down again.

 

There is no rhyme or reason to it, so I definately think it is the depression and the chemical imbalance that comes with it.

 

Somehow have to work through these times but also letting myself grieve and get out anything I need too aswell.

 

I'll get there.

 

What makes Xmas harder is the fact we started dating on 22nd December, so I have alot of memories this year of that lovely romantic feeling I had last year that I do not have now. That makes me sad in my heart.

 

How can I look forward to spring with his Jan always being so quiet and boring and Feb being the month of his birthday that I went to alot of effort for and of course dreaded Valentines too.

 

I wil get there but it is sooo hard, so so hard.

 

I think we both have to accept that Christmas is going to be a very difficult time for both of us.Expecting it to be tough will hopefully prepare us for it,and we might be surprised that it isn't as bad as we expected.

 

The first year,birthdays,Valentines day,Xmas etc makes us automatically think back to last year when things were so different and that's when we feel the pain.I truly believe that when we get thru this milestone,we will feel the relief and the healing that goes with it

[bigheartkindsoul]

I think we both have to accept that Christmas is going to be a very difficult time for both of us.Expecting it to be tough will hopefully prepare us for it,and we might be surprised that it isn't as bad as we expected.

 

The first year,birthdays,Valentines day,Xmas etc makes us automatically think back to last year when things were so different and that's when we feel the pain.I truly believe that when we get thru this milestone,we will feel the relief and the healing that goes with it

 

 

I do hope so. I just want him out of my brain I want new memories, better memories. I am thinking of going away for part of Feb probably Valentines Day, be nicer and easier I think especially if am away with my mate and we can get pie eyed and have a good laugh.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Take it day by day.

 

And never forget...just because today looks bleak does not mean that tomorrow will be bleak. It is just as likely that something or somebody that brings you happiness is just around the corner.

 

It would be good if you do see a counselor for advice, therapy, and possibly antidepressants which will help get you through this.

 

You will make it...I can read it in your tone.

 

 

James hun - I was on anti depressents but came off just over 4wks ago, which is part of the problem I believe. Although I have my down and depressed times I have alot of up times too all this without the meds so this is a good sign.

 

I just need my brain to balanced chemically now so I stop flip flopping with such extreme.

 

I guess at least I have some fun plans for the next 3 weekends but I do need to sort out weekend before xmas as it is when we first started dating so might be a tough one to get over if just sitting in by oneself.

 

Your right I can do this.

[JamesM]

James hun - I was on anti depressents but came off just over 4wks ago, which is part of the problem I believe. Although I have my down and depressed times I have alot of up times too all this without the meds so this is a good sign.

 

 

 

Your right I can do this.

 

Why did you quit taking them?

 

And I know....I AM right.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Why did you quit taking them?

 

And I know....I AM right.

 

Cause I thought I was doing ok and thought I was totally over the break up . Saying that apart from these blips which are big when they happen but do not happen that often or last that longer time either, so I strongly believe I am making alot of progress.

[JamesM]

Cause I thought I was doing ok and thought I was totally over the break up . Saying that apart from these blips which are big when they happen but do not happen that often or last that longer time either, so I strongly believe I am making alot of progress.

 

Is there any connection to an event or emotions that triggers these "blips?" I know the holidays is one thing.

 

And why do you not want to stay on the meds? Do you feel that you should handle life without them?

 

You are making progress no doubt, but maybe greater progress would be realized with help. On the other hand, sometimes the only "therapy" that is needed is a redirection of your thoughts. Your choosing to volunteer is one good thing. And I think you said you fence or some form of exercise...this is good. And if you start dating...as hard as this may be, you may at least find some companionship that helps you realize not only that there are others out there, but dating will help you realize that you are valued for more than just looks by men.

 

I don't know if any of this makes sense. I know that a breakup is hard for any of us. And when we are so down, it is hard to get up the energy to move beyond it. For me it really dragged me down. And truthfully, I don't remember what one thing helped me move on. I am guessing that the biggest factor is simply time.

 

Once you start laughing you start healing.

 

There is a lot of truth here.

[frd150]

The first year,birthdays,Valentines day,Xmas etc makes us automatically think back to last year when things were so different and that's when we feel the pain.I truly believe that when we get thru this milestone,we will feel the relief and the healing that goes with it

 

 

Exactly. Ive said this very thing to a few on here.

[Leia]

Cause I thought I was doing ok and thought I was totally over the break up . Saying that apart from these blips which are big when they happen but do not happen that often or last that longer time either, so I strongly believe I am making alot of progress.

 

Get back on the medication. You know it will help you.

[bigheartkindsoul]

No there is no triggers, hence why I think its either a chemical imbalance incl lack of seretonin, lack of sleep & tiredness, stress, some vitamin or mineral levels dipping low, pain in my back

 

or a combo of all of them.

 

Good thing is I have learnt a new technique with stopping negative thoughts and although doesn't work when having a major downer it does most other times.

 

I yell to myself in my head either "STOP" or "I AM IN CONTROL", the latter also being a very positive affirmation to myself.

 

I am also doing self hypnosis each night, and turning up all the good buttons and turning down the bad ones aswell as saying the positive affirmations while under also.

 

Seems to be helping.

 

I also realised that last night when I felt low, instead of isolating myself and not calling anyone for help I called up my best friend we didn't chat about why I was down just nice general chit chat, and that helped cheer me up.

 

I am learning, just slower than alot of peeps on here had hoped.

[SYRACUSE03]

bigheartkindsoul - no matter what we read on these posts, no matter what advice we give or recieve, we are all different. Some people may be hurt for a week then are back to normal and some may hurt for years. It's your life, it's your pace. The one thing you need to do is put yourself first. You need to be happy with who you are before you can heal. I am doing this everyday. Is it easy, nope. Does it suck...absolutely. I'm 3 1/2 months and do I have shi++y days, you bet.

 

When you think of something negative, immediately think of two things positive. For example, if you think about the holidays without your ex, think of what is in your life right now that is positive (family, friends). All this does is try to get our mindset to see the good things that are in our life. If we constantly dwell on the bad things, we bring more negativity into our lives. I do the some of the same things you do but my sister in law id having a baby, my mother is healthy, etc. There really are more good things than bad. Having a positive attitude will hopefully bring good things to us. We all know what a negative attitude does for us. Hey...I'm just an ordinary poster like everyone else but if I don't attempt to change even in the slightest bit, I don't stand a chance. Good luck.

[bigheartkindsoul]

No there is no triggers, hence why I think its either a chemical imbalance incl lack of seretonin, lack of sleep & tiredness, stress, some vitamin or mineral levels dipping low, pain in my back

 

or a combo of all of them.

 

Good thing is I have learnt a new technique with stopping negative thoughts and although doesn't work when having a major downer it does most other times.

 

I yell to myself in my head either "STOP" or "I AM IN CONTROL", the latter also being a very positive affirmation to myself.

 

I am also doing self hypnosis each night, and turning up all the good buttons and turning down the bad ones aswell as saying the positive affirmations while under also.

 

Seems to be helping.

 

I also realised that last night when I felt low, instead of isolating myself and not calling anyone for help I called up my best friend we didn't chat about why I was down just nice general chit chat, and that helped cheer me up.

 

I am learning, just slower than alot of peeps on here had hoped.

 

bigheartkindsoul - no matter what we read on these posts, no matter what advice we give or recieve, we are all different. Some people may be hurt for a week then are back to normal and some may hurt for years. It's your life, it's your pace. The one thing you need to do is put yourself first. You need to be happy with who you are before you can heal. I am doing this everyday. Is it easy, nope. Does it suck...absolutely. I'm 3 1/2 months and do I have shi++y days, you bet.

 

When you think of something negative, immediately think of two things positive. For example, if you think about the holidays without your ex, think of what is in your life right now that is positive (family, friends). All this does is try to get our mindset to see the good things that are in our life. If we constantly dwell on the bad things, we bring more negativity into our lives. I do the some of the same things you do but my sister in law id having a baby, my mother is healthy, etc. There really are more good things than bad. Having a positive attitude will hopefully bring good things to us. We all know what a negative attitude does for us. Hey...I'm just an ordinary poster like everyone else but if I don't attempt to change even in the slightest bit, I don't stand a chance. Good luck.

 

As my post above, the positive thought and stopping negative ones is exactly what I am working on.

[SYRACUSE03]

BHKS - I did see your post...just reinforcing a little help that's all. Just trying to give a hand. Most of us are in the same boat but we all have different ways to cope with things. I do hope that yours comes very soon, I know it hurts you deeply. However, we are all in this together in some crazy way. We lean on each other and hopefully we can take little pieces here and there and put the puzzle back together. Good luck!

[bigheartkindsoul]

BHKS - I did see your post...just reinforcing a little help that's all. Just trying to give a hand. Most of us are in the same boat but we all have different ways to cope with things. I do hope that yours comes very soon, I know it hurts you deeply. However, we are all in this together in some crazy way. We lean on each other and hopefully we can take little pieces here and there and put the puzzle back together. Good luck!

 

Sorry there was meant to be a smily after my post, as to say "yep I agree with you". Thank you for the support.

 

xxxx