Kamille Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 An institution in town, to which bf and I are both affiliated (he more then I), is organizing a fundraiser gala night. A friend of mine approched me a few weeks ago to ask if I wanted tickets and I said I'd think about it. I wasn't so sure I wanted to go and when I brought up the subject to bf he told me in no uncertain terms that he wasn't interested in going. I said I might go anyways but one thing led to another and I never go around to buying tickets. Yesterday was the last day they were on-sale. Well, last night, bf comes home and tells me, kind of laughing about it, that he was going to the gala - that his employees made a big fuss about it and had saved him one ticket. I never really felt like going much, but I was upset. I'm not always clear on why I get upset over things and when I told him I was upset he asked me why and I couldn't come up with anything. I asked him to let me sleep on it and see if it still bothered me this morning. Well it does. And I think it's linked to the fact that it makes me feel like I've become way too dependant on him. I think I'm upset that he does things, like a gala, without me and didn't even think to include or invite me. So, me being my usual self, all I want to do is take a **** -load of distance. I think a part of it is vindicative: you're going out without me? Fine, have fun without me. It's not even that we do everything together. It's just the type of event and the fact that when I was approached about it, I immediately thought of going with him. The way he presented it last night, this was just going to be a fun evening out with his employees. Sorry, I think I'm running on. But anyone's got any thoughts? How would you guys handle this? I mean, I totally plan on doing more stuff on my own from now on. I've just been really busy at work lately and fell into a routine of hanging out with bf.
curiousnycgirl Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I don't think you've lost your independence. Reality is that there are somethings that are more fun to do as a couple rather than single. For me those are generally weddings and galas. Had your b/f given you an answer other than he was completely not interested in going, if he had given you an inkling that he thought it might be fun - you probably would have purchased the tickets with the intent of going together. However that was not the case, so you let it drop. I would be upset if my b/f had that reaction when discussing an event with me, and then did a 180 when discussing it with others - for exactly the reason you are experiencing now - he is going without you. I would say he is now stuck as these people indicated they only had one ticket left, so he cannot invite you. However it is hard to believe an organization throwing a gala (presumably to raise money?) would not be willing to sell another ticket. I recognize they put time limits on these things, to both encourage attendance/early committment, and to let the caterer know how many people - however those things are usually softer than they say. Since your b/f is more involved with this organization than you are, and because it is his fault you did not originally purchase a ticket - I suggest you ask him to see if you can still buy a ticket so that you can go together. Good luck.
Author Kamille Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 I don't think you've lost your independence. Reality is that there are somethings that are more fun to do as a couple rather than single. For me those are generally weddings and galas. Had your b/f given you an answer other than he was completely not interested in going, if he had given you an inkling that he thought it might be fun - you probably would have purchased the tickets with the intent of going together. However that was not the case, so you let it drop. I would be upset if my b/f had that reaction when discussing an event with me, and then did a 180 when discussing it with others - for exactly the reason you are experiencing now - he is going without you. I would say he is now stuck as these people indicated they only had one ticket left, so he cannot invite you. However it is hard to believe an organization throwing a gala (presumably to raise money?) would not be willing to sell another ticket. I recognize they put time limits on these things, to both encourage attendance/early committment, and to let the caterer know how many people - however those things are usually softer than they say. Since your b/f is more involved with this organization than you are, and because it is his fault you did not originally purchase a ticket - I suggest you ask him to see if you can still buy a ticket so that you can go together. Good luck. Thanks curiousnycgirl. He has a hard time grasping why I'm upset about this and hearing your thoughts on it are helping me better understand myself. To be fair, since I wasn't that into going in the first place, I brought it up as : "did you hear so-and-so is organizing a gala?" he said : "ugh, gala so not my kind of thing" and I laughed and said : "what you don't like dressing up in a suit and tie? well since I love dressing up I might go anyways!" And that was the extent of the conversation. Last night when we talked he said he could no doubt muster up another ticket, but I declined the offer. (the event is in two days). When he first told me about the fact they had bought him a ticket, he sounded very excited about the fact that his work team appreciated him so much as to not take no for an answer. He made it sound like a fun work thing, and I don't feel I would have much room there. Especially since it didn't cross his mind, until I mentioned it, that I had been totally left out of the whole thing. Another thing that bothers me is that it was a female employee who was perticularly insistant and who bought the ticket. She was personnaly involved in the organization of the gala. I don't think he would cheat, and besides there are rules about internal dating at his work, but I'm wondering if she's not seeing it as a potential 'date'. I guess while they were trying to convince him, she mentioned that they were all going to another upscale bar after the event and that he absolutely had to come since another one of the managers wasn't going to go. (???) (This he all said before I told him I was upset...) I don't think she knows he has a gf and I'm surprised that he could be oblivious to the implications. Or am I reading too much into her actions?
curiousnycgirl Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I think you are reading too much into it. This kind of stuff does come up at work upon occassion, and frankly including significant others is generally not the rule. Having said that I am curious why they don't know he has a g/f - are you two a new couple or long established? You said you were both involved in the organization throwing the gala, as is this female employee - so how could she not know about you? It's just not flowing for me - sorry.
Author Kamille Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 I think you are reading too much into it. This kind of stuff does come up at work upon occassion, and frankly including significant others is generally not the rule. Having said that I am curious why they don't know he has a g/f - are you two a new couple or long established? You said you were both involved in the organization throwing the gala, as is this female employee - so how could she not know about you? It's just not flowing for me - sorry. BF and I met a few months ago when I worked on a small contract related to the organisation. So my involvement was very limited. So yes we are a new couple and I don't actually work for this organization, unlike the two of them. You're right, I am reading too much into it and besides, it doesn't matter since I don't think he would do anything about it.
Author Kamille Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Glad you feel better! Thanks CNYCG. Sometimes it helps to just talk things out.
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