was being too honest gonna screw me?

[hindsfeet]

my wife left me close to two years ago and has been with the same guy pretty much since then. after she left me, i tried to reconcile with her and even paid for and went to counseling.

 

after trying for a year, i finally came to grips that we werent gonna be back together. at that point, we became legally separated, and i met someone i liked. we went out a few times and had sex on one occasion.

 

at the time i met her, she was in love with a guy and couldnt get over him. i pursued her and also let her make up her mind. for a while, i didnt interact with her because i wanted her to be certain of who she wanted to be with. its been more than a year now and we have just recently started dating. she is finally over the other guy and ready to pursue a relationship. great...but not so fast.

 

i have some friends that i talk to about everything, i told some guy friends because i felt that i needed to be honest one day with them( i know them through church and we help one another to keep our morals straight).

my dilemma was this. because i was still married at that point when i hooked up with her, i technically felt like i had had an affair on my wife. i did not say the girls name for her protection.

 

but now the kicker is this. one of the guys work with her dad. he asked my buddy about me because he knew i was dating his daughter. my buddy told him i was divorced. her dad asked if i had ever cheated. my buddy said yes. her dad thinks it was someone else. and now he is worried about her being hurt.

 

so basically, here i am hurt, feeling somewhat betrayed. and im worried about it working out. her dad does not like me. but he definitely would be upset if he knew it was her. even though i was legally separated, and she was with someone else already for close to a yr. i still was a husband.

 

its all jacked up. anyone got any words of advice or something for me?

[Enema]

her dad asked if i had ever cheated. my buddy said yes.

 

anyone got any words of advice or something for me?

1) Get a new buddy.

 

Your story certainly doesn't sound like you cheated on your ex-wife. You were clearly separated and she had her own relationship going on too.

 

Try to forget the past and move on... after kicking that dumb friend in the nutsaq.

[wizer]

I have seen this topic in one form or another on many different boards.

 

The question can be restated as, "is it cheating when there is sex with another person, during the time that a man and woman are married, but separated and divorcing".

 

This one is a matter of opinion, state law, and religious principles, which vary among individuals.

 

You can ask 3 different people and you'll get three different answers. All that matters is this woman, and apparently her father to some extent. Nothing that anyone else tells you is going to matter, because they aren't the ones you that you have to answer to.

 

But if you want an opinion, there's nothing wrong with what you did. It's not cheating if you are living apart, separated (especially "legally separated", and in the process of divorce). I'm in the same situation as you, except I don't have to answer to anyone.

[hindsfeet]

but what about the situation, how should i handle that. i dont wanna tell her dad, look yea i had sex with someone else... your daughter. thats not good impression. i dont wanna lie to him either. im thinkin about just talkin to her dad straight out tellin him i was legally separated, and with someone, his daughter knows and thats it.

[CD111]

I would go talk to her dad. Explain the situation and tell him exactly what happened and why you don't see it as cheating. I don't think you should, your wife has been seeing someone else for 2 yrs. and you have been separated that long. Now for your buddy, what a good friend, let me tell you. Like someone said get a new buddy, however, that fact that he is your church friend would mean he probably has more conservative views on marriage.