starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Ok- We were together 2.5 years. We have been broken up for about 6 weeks now but a week and a half ago I found out he is dating his friends ex...and that he cheated on my repeatedly. We have had nc since I found all this out...but he has emailed my brothers and other people making sure they are cool and lying saying it was a one time mistake when it wasnt. I wrote a final draft of a letter I want to send to him. Basically me telling him what I think of him and how awful he was to me having me seeking conseling so I could work on my insecurity issues before I pushed him away! HA! Jerk! He was cheating. The letter is not profane, I didnt write anythig particularly nasty except saying he was a disgusting person. Should I mail it?
daisydufas22 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Ok- We were together 2.5 years. We have been broken up for about 6 weeks now but a week and a half ago I found out he is dating his friends ex...and that he cheated on my repeatedly. We have had nc since I found all this out...but he has emailed my brothers and other people making sure they are cool and lying saying it was a one time mistake when it wasnt. I wrote a final draft of a letter I want to send to him. Basically me telling him what I think of him and how awful he was to me having me seeking conseling so I could work on my insecurity issues before I pushed him away! HA! Jerk! He was cheating. The letter is not profane, I didnt write anythig particularly nasty except saying he was a disgusting person. Should I mail it? Fristly, big hugs, I am so sorry this happened to you! If you need to post the letter for closure then do it. Try not to threaten him ........ I know you wouldn't but some people go crazy! I think the best revenge is to live a happy life and be successful at whatever you do! Chin up.......we all have to kiss frogs before we meet the prince. By the way...... this guy will do the same thing he did to you to every gal he gets involved with....... what a jerk he was!!!
FindingMyselfAgain Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 NO! nononononono NO! Any questions? You still have one? NO!
Author starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 NO! nononononono NO! Any questions? You still have one? NO! Why not? I am leaning more towards what Daisy said. It is not threatening AT ALL. It is not profane...but he was part of my life for a long time, he claimed he loved me unconditionally and that he would never cheat.
Author starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Fristly, big hugs, I am so sorry this happened to you! If you need to post the letter for closure then do it. Try not to threaten him ........ I know you wouldn't but some people go crazy! I think the best revenge is to live a happy life and be successful at whatever you do! Chin up.......we all have to kiss frogs before we meet the prince. By the way...... this guy will do the same thing he did to you to every gal he gets involved with....... what a jerk he was!!! And I have been the furthest thing from crazy. My friends cant believe how composed I have been.
FindingMyselfAgain Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Why not? I am leaning more towards what Daisy said. It is not threatening AT ALL. It is not profane...but he was part of my life for a long time, he claimed he loved me unconditionally and that he would never cheat. Because it is bitter. It is angry. It is not your role in life to chastise or punish. That is up to God. Your role in life is to find acceptance, move on, and get with a man who deserves you. I'm saying that as much for me, as for you. I'm angry at my ex- too.
tomwiz Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I want to do the same sort of thing, tell my ex that they are a scum bag, but in a nice way. However what I've found to be the best revenge is living well. Going out, having a good time, meeting some new people, noticing that she gets annoyed with pics of me and girls on facebook. Its the best way to get over it, not by giving your control over again
daisydufas22 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 And I have been the furthest thing from crazy. My friends cant believe how composed I have been. Sorry sweetie...didn't mean you were crazy.....I meant I have seen some really together people go crazy over stuff like this....know what I mean?
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Because it is bitter. It is angry. It is not your role in life to chastise or punish. That is up to God. Your role in life is to find acceptance, move on, and get with a man who deserves you. I'm saying that as much for me, as for you. I'm angry at my ex- too. I agree with this up to a point, but if the letter is sent without a need ie a secret i want conatct i want you back, then it may not be a bad thing, but personally if i had nothing nice to say, then i would not say anything. These people often make their own beds, and you would be the biggwer person by letting him to his sad life, and start with your own healing process. Most negitive letters, deseved or not can cause guilt, and this will hold you back from moving on.
Author starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 I agree with this up to a point, but if the letter is sent without a need ie a secret i want conatct i want you back, then it may not be a bad thing, but personally if i had nothing nice to say, then i would not say anything. These people often make their own beds, and you would be the biggwer person by letting him to his sad life, and start with your own healing process. Most negitive letters, deseved or not can cause guilt, and this will hold you back from moving on. But I kind of feel like not telling him what I am feeling is holding me back from moving on. Like, I sit here and think of these things I want to say and then have to realize I havent expressed them, and he doesnt for sure know. I want him to know how low he is. I dont care if it gets through to him or not, just that I said it and I am done with him. I dont want a response. I wont accept a response. I wont respond to a response...I just want to get it off my shoulders and move on. There is anger in it. But I am ok at the same time.
Author starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Sorry sweetie...didn't mean you were crazy.....I meant I have seen some really together people go crazy over stuff like this....know what I mean? I wasnt saying that directed at you. I was just pointing out how composed I have actually been, it is quite surprising. I didnt think you were calling me crazy...you are very supportive and I appreciate that.
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 But I kind of feel like not telling him what I am feeling is holding me back from moving on. Like, I sit here and think of these things I want to say and then have to realize I havent expressed them, and he doesnt for sure know. I want him to know how low he is. I dont care if it gets through to him or not, just that I said it and I am done with him. I dont want a response. I wont accept a response. I wont respond to a response...I just want to get it off my shoulders and move on. There is anger in it. But I am ok at the same time. If you feel that sendind the letter will realese the anger that you are in than do it, but he knows he is a low life, he does not need you to tell him. But do what is right for you. There is never a right or wrong, only what will make you feel better, but be aware that you will be exposing your pain to him, and after a few days of you sending it, you may feel low that you have, do you see what i mean?
Author starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 If you feel that sendind the letter will realese the anger that you are in than do it, but he knows he is a low life, he does not need you to tell him. But do what is right for you. There is never a right or wrong, only what will make you feel better, but be aware that you will be exposing your pain to him, and after a few days of you sending it, you may feel low that you have, do you see what i mean? I do see what you mean. I am so torn. A bigger part of me wants to send it! A small part of me is worried I will regret it. I dont know why I would actually regret it though. I send it...he reads it...he knows exactly what I think of him...end of story! Yeah...I'm going to send it.
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 why not write it wait re read it in a few days and see how you feel. All im thinking is that he will love the responce, even this one, and when you dont get a reponce back, it may plunge you into feeling low, cos thats what he wants, for you to feel that your relationship was a mistake. (he of course is saying this to divert from his guilt)
Author starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 why not write it wait re read it in a few days and see how you feel. All im thinking is that he will love the responce, even this one, and when you dont get a reponce back, it may plunge you into feeling low, cos thats what he wants, for you to feel that your relationship was a mistake. (he of course is saying this to divert from his guilt) I really appreciate the advice! But I sent it. I am already mad that he knows I found all this out and he never so much as text me to say sorry...or called. I dont want a response now. And I wrote the letter last week...reread it, rewrote it (editing the bitter sounding parts) and then reread it twice last night. I still feel like the bigger person because most people in my shoes would go crazy. He has dealt with MANY crazy girls in the past (we were friends before we dated)...so I think I have pondered it and everyday I have told myself how I want to just tell him what kind of person I see him for and be done with it. Now I can be done with it!!! I think i did the right thing. It wasnt the wrong thing...like you said.
Uhriventis Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 For awhile I wanted to send an email sort of like that to my ex... Then I found out all my anger was directed towards the wrong person. Now I want to send one to her mom!
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! you shouldn't have. Its done now, and maybe its what she needed to do to get rid of her anger, we will see..............
Author starlite Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Its done now, and maybe its what she needed to do to get rid of her anger, we will see.............. The way i see it is I could have been here the whole time, calling, emailing, stalking..whatever...but ive done nothing. So, i sent one letter telling him how it is and how awful he was to treat me that way. We were friends for 2 years...dated 2.5...lived together 1.5. That is a 5.5 year relationship and I learned what a bad person he was...so i think i had the right to send ONE letter telling him that. Now I know he knows how I feel and that is that. I didnt bring up his new relationship and how he handled that badly...i focused on his betrayal of me in a somewhat classy way. Anyone can read it, i dont care whose hands it falls into. It is all true and worded well.
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 what people are saying is that you will not get a responce, (and you dont want one) and you may have fueled his ego a lttle, depending on the type of person he is. No one is saying its wrong, just that you may feel in a few days low that you may have done this. But at the end of the day, you did what you felt was right, and good on you
ash519 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Hey! U may all be right as I feel a twinge of regret already! BUT...Everyone has always made him up to be such a great guy...and he gets an ego boost from that. But he's not, and I wanted to verbalize that to him so he knows that someone out there thinks he is the lowest of low. So, I do see other POV's...but for me, and for this situation, I think i did the right thing. Time for me to really move on now!
FindingMyselfAgain Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I really appreciate the advice! But I sent it. Okay, so this was just an academic exercise. Gotchya.
Lizzie60 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Ok- We were together 2.5 years. We have been broken up for about 6 weeks now but a week and a half ago I found out he is dating his friends ex...and that he cheated on my repeatedly. We have had nc since I found all this out...but he has emailed my brothers and other people making sure they are cool and lying saying it was a one time mistake when it wasnt. I wrote a final draft of a letter I want to send to him. Basically me telling him what I think of him and how awful he was to me having me seeking conseling so I could work on my insecurity issues before I pushed him away! HA! Jerk! He was cheating. The letter is not profane, I didnt write anythig particularly nasty except saying he was a disgusting person. Should I mail it? Yes send it.. I wrote a letter once to one of my MM... It felt good. He knew that I meant business and it was the end... to this day, he still sends me emails about how stupid he was.. but I never took him back. I say mail it... but do not write another one to explain this first letter then another one explaining the 2nd one...etc.... if you need this for closure, then you cannot allow him in your life anymore.
BritishChic Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Hi! Wow, I can relate to this and I think I know how you feel. Do you feel nervous? Sending the letter? Not sure? Does it mean alot to you that you've written that letter??? A while ago I wrote a letter to a guy I really cared about, explaining to him that even though he hurt me, I forgave him and I was willing to move on and put it behind us if he was. Though it was my letter of affirmation, my nerves inside were still shot; for some reason I couldn't bear the thought of him just taking the letter that I just spent so much time and courage to write, in the trash. Better yet, I was nervous as hell that he would show it to other people, or even worse ridicule me and my emotions with other people I knew of. I realized that it was another chance for him to hurt me and disappoint me, and I also realized my feelings were too valubale to keep sharing with him if he was so hurtful to me in the first place. The point I am trying to get to is this; stop renting this guy anymore of your time or space in your mind and heart! Giving him a letter after he clearly hurt you and didn't care for you, just shows him that you are still devoting time and energy to his useless self. The best thing in the world is to give him nothing, nothing! Leave him in the dark. Let him 'wonder' where you are and what your doing. Trust me, thats the best way to rise above. Giving him the letter, is giving him the power and the opportunity to hurt you again. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing what he's put you through. Do what I do, put your pillow over your face, cry, scream and yell bloody murder, but then smile away afterwards.
daisydufas22 Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 The way i see it is I could have been here the whole time, calling, emailing, stalking..whatever...but ive done nothing. So, i sent one letter telling him how it is and how awful he was to treat me that way. We were friends for 2 years...dated 2.5...lived together 1.5. That is a 5.5 year relationship and I learned what a bad person he was...so i think i had the right to send ONE letter telling him that. Now I know he knows how I feel and that is that. I didnt bring up his new relationship and how he handled that badly...i focused on his betrayal of me in a somewhat classy way. Anyone can read it, i dont care whose hands it falls into. It is all true and worded well. I am so glad you send the letter....well done! It helps with closure and I know you are going to be fine. Now you can move on....... I really hope you meet someone (when you are ready) that loves and respects you! That guy was never worthy of you. WELL DONE!!!
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