SmileyFace82 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Hey everyone, I'd broken up with my ex gf approaching 3 months now...wow, time has flown by without me realising. I have had good days and bad days... it just so happens that today is a bad day. My Ex moved on from me to another guy within a space of a week or two. This guy was a "friend" and a colleague of hers whilst we were together. She's only just started her new job. Well anyway, i found out they were a couple after seeing them together arm in arm literally 2 weeks after we broke up. That was tough to take and i went through hell and back since then! She went on holiday with him to Cebu, a holiday resort which is mainly for couples the week after she split up with me. She phoned me up before and said nothing is going to happen, they are "just" friends and he is a complete player and shags around a lot so he is not her type of guy at all. Well, subsequently something obviously happened on that holiday cause they are together now. They'd tried to keep it quiet and didn't really let people know ie. their facebook accounts still to this day say they are single etc. I know that they have started to let people know now... i guess she didn't want to appear to be a (INSERT APPROPRIATE WORD) by moving on to another guy so quickly. And i guess he didn't want to appear to be a relationship wrecker. But anyway even though i knew they were together i just kept it quiet. I didn't tell any of our mutual friends etc. that i saw them two together. I'd just let her tell them in her own time which she has now. I have done so well to move on since then, i really did hit rock bottom (like many people have on this board) and i had to take time off work but i managed to pick myself up and climb up a few ladders since then. I've improved as a person etc. so there are positives coming out of all this. But days like these just won't go away. I'm not upset like i was before but i think about her and it's really disrupting my work and me living my life. I wish i can just be hypnotised or something to completely forget about her. I guess i am a little upset. To be honest i don't know what i am feeling but i just know it's a negative feeling. I'm heartbroken i suppose and it's just difficult to get over it. I guess a part of me is thinking like everyone else thinks after a break up... "how the hell has she got over me so quickly?". I know i have to just get on with life. I guess technically she didn't cheat on me... but i still feel like i was cheated. She had him lined up... i guess i feel like i was tricked by her. Someone who i would never imagine in a million years would do something like this. Someone i cared about so much can hurt me like this. Crazily, even a part of me (a small part) now would take her back in a flash if she ever wanted to come back. I don't want to feel like this...i know i will never be able to forgive myself if i did. It's just so wrong. Help...
funkybassplayer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Dont let that question stop your healing. My ex did the same (but i saw her back on a dating site 4 months on) You sound like your doing well, growing as a person and moving forward. Keep doing it, forget her facebook etc, leave her, let her go, move on with you. She can do as she pleases. Its about you now, 3 months is good, and now you have to try and let go of the questions that no one will be able to answer. Its only your ego keeping you from truly moving on to a better place.
marty Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 i know its really hard, because you've been knocked on your ass, but the more you analyse her situation and the reasons why she made her decisions, the less time and energy you have to concentrate on you. like funky says, you're never gonna get those answers ,so try not to go down that road. I tried myself, its a complete waste of time, going over the why's and whats if's,, it hasnt got me anywhere. Bottom line is they are gone. They've got their own journey to take. Let them get on with it. Try and learn as much as you can about yourself. This is YOUR time to take care of YOU. Your doing well mate,,, keep it up.
Author SmileyFace82 Posted November 22, 2007 Author Posted November 22, 2007 Hey cheers guys. Kinda better after reading that. It's good just to hear it off other people and realising that this sort of thing happens and life goes on. It's just accepting it which is the most difficult part. You are right Marty, in that they now have their own journey to take and i just have to let go (which i sort of have already as i don't really speak to her unless i have to). That is good advice, i have to keep thinking that. I do still keep thinking why it happened the way it did and all those silly things and comparing myself to this new guy but i know there's no point to that. I know that's partly because of my ego but also I just didn't think she can be so heartless... and that pains me that someone i trusted and thought i knew and cared about could do something like that to me. I just don't think she has any idea how much pain i've been through. I know it won't accomplish anything by her knowing so i have tried to stay tough in front of her and our mutual friends but then i just feel like a fool. I seem to be going backwards a little... I do appreciate the advice though and your thoughts. Thanks.
Jmina Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 Hey smileyface82 Just reading your headline. I didn't forget untill i let her go. which was AFTER all the hard work. Not during. and really i havnt forgotten, i am just okay with not thinking about her now =) Jmina
Author SmileyFace82 Posted November 23, 2007 Author Posted November 23, 2007 I know that's probably going to be the case Jmina but I think i'm getting there. Although i do have times when i really miss her, it doesn't happen as often now and i get mixed emotions when i think of her. It's funny cause i met up with her very briefly for lunch to get something sorted out (that needed me to be there) and at the time i was fine. I'd been told to be happy and cheerful around her and show her what's she's missing... but i didn't actually care. I wasn't interested at the tine with what she had to say although she kept on telling me how well she's expanding her network of friends here and how she is going to Thailand blah blah blah. I was like great, good for you. She basically left saying bye and walked off, no nothing. Not even to stop to face me, she went left and i went right. I do kinda think...how did it get to this stage? but a part of me also doesn't really care. Again i'm fighting with myself a little i guess. I'd actually organised a lunch with another girl beforehand after the meeting with my ex so that i wouldn't risk succumbing to my ex and go to lunch if she wanted to or just leaving me in the lurch if she didn't want lunch with me. This way at least i know i couldn't go even if she wanted to. Although since lunch i have thought about my ex a little on how well she is doing etc. but i've cheered up again now since the girl i took out to lunch just emailed me and thanked me and hoped to do it again sometime! It just goes to show meeting new people is definitely a good way to help you to move on. I know i'm naturally going to miss my ex again in the future... i guess i'll just have to organise more lunches and dinner dates to take my mind off her!
ncpd25 Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 Smiley, I've been in NC for about 9 weeks since my ex turned her back on me (It's a long story and she's a fruitloop). Nonetheless, I haven't seen her or spoken with her since then. I'm doing much better than a month ago, yet, I find myself in the same position as you to a certain extent. I don't feel that sinking feeling in my stomach, like I did when we initially split but, I find myself thinking about all of the whys and what ifs. Also, the part about her just walking away and not seeming to have a care in the world. My ex had broken up with her ex boyfriend a couple of weeks before meeting me (eventhough she told me, she broke up with him seven months prior) and she just finished up her divorce from her husband while we were still together (eventhough, she told me she was divorced for 4 years), I found out all of these things after the fact. I understand, she has a lot of baggage an she probably has her head up her a$$ but, the questions still linger. I try to shake the thoughts but, it just isn't that easy sometimes. I think your situation is more difficult in that you've seen your ex since the break-up. I give you credit for being so strong and moving on as you have. I'm in an "Out of sight, out of mind" situation (although, not completely) Keep forging ahead as you've been. Realize your strength up to this point and use that to your advantage. Try to tell youself "Look how well I've done so far, it's time to finish the job". (God forbid, I take my own advise!!). Stay strong my friend. Better things are just around the corner!!
bigheartkindsoul Posted November 23, 2007 Posted November 23, 2007 You don't ever forget, you just accept eventually and move on. Easier said than done I know.
Author SmileyFace82 Posted November 26, 2007 Author Posted November 26, 2007 Hey, yeah i know you don't really ever forget. Some days are better than others. I'm doing my best to move on now, i feel like i'm almost there right now although that might change by tmw! lol. So in response to some people's advice...am i better off in confronting the issue and be happy for them rather than 'trying' to forget? I do think i've kinda turned the corner a little (well not a full turn but in the process of turning!!), should i be happy for her that she's happy and found a guy she likes? I think i'm at that stage where i've just accepted that this is life and there's no point me moping about being sorry for myself. I mean, i do still love her and that won't go away for a while i think and i do care about her a great deal but i won't be able to forgive her for the fact that she basically left me for another guy and i do honestly feel like i've made huge steps forward in recovering from all the pain etc. At this present moment in time, we aren't friends at all at the moment... we are both trying to just avoid each other. She still hasn't actually told me that she's with this new guy (maybe because she told me that nothing will happen with this guy!) Can we ever be friends again do you think? I know everyone has different ways of dealing with this issue, but what would you do? Should i be happy for her?
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