bigheartkindsoul Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I had a second date with someone last week, I think he is nice, we have a laugh but there is somethings I cannot figure out....... We haven't kissed yet I do not mind, I'd kinda rather have him as a friend right now as I'm not feeling anymore for him although he is great to be around. I'm not sure whether this is because of how I am feeling at the moment with other things and trying to sort myself out or is it I am just not into him. He asked me out this week but said I was busy all week, which is true but said we could go out next week. I just don't want anything more at the moment, I don't think could this be because I genuinly don't want it, could it be because I am scared or could it just be him. Can't figure it out.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 I had a second date with someone last week, I think he is nice, we have a laugh but there is somethings I cannot figure out....... We haven't kissed yet I do not mind, I'd kinda rather have him as a friend right now as I'm not feeling anymore for him although he is great to be around. I'm not sure whether this is because of how I am feeling at the moment with other things and trying to sort myself out or is it I am just not into him. He asked me out this week but said I was busy all week, which is true but said we could go out next week. I just don't want anything more at the moment, I don't think could this be because I genuinly don't want it, could it be because I am scared or could it just be him. Can't figure it out. Personally, I think you should listen to your gut instinct. If it's telling you that you feel no raw chemistry for this guy, then you're wasting your time (and his). However, it depends on how important chemistry/attraction is for you. Others may tell you that you may need to go on a few more dates to determine whether this man is prospective mate material (which, based on my personal experience, does have some merit). Weigh your pros and cons...is giving him a few more chances that bad of an idea (he could, after all, turn into a good friend)? Also, this is what dating is all about. You meet new people, see them over a short period of time (or long, for some) and you "feel them out"...to see if there's anything there. Not everyone feels a spark/connection upon first meeting.
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 No I know i just don't want to lead him on, he is a really nice guy and if nothing romantic came of it he'd make a really great friend. I just cannnot imagine kissing him, which I cannot figure out if its me not being ready or the lack of chemistry.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 No I know i just don't want to lead him on, he is a really nice guy and if nothing romantic came of it he'd make a really great friend. I just cannnot imagine kissing him, which I cannot figure out if its me not being ready or the lack of chemistry. You can't imagine kissing him, OK. I think there's a difference b/w not being able to imagine kissing someone and actually kissing someone and not feeling chemistry. Perhaps if you two actually locked lips, there'd be something there (or not). You won't know till there's a kiss, right? My gf recently went on a date where there was some kissing during the night. She immediately knew that it wasn't going anywhere. The guy was a good kisser, but she said there was no chemistry on her part. If you don't want to lead him on, don't give him mixed signals. Continuing to see someone MAY be a mixed signal (depending on the person and the situation). If you want to see him again but don't want him to think you're waay into him, just tell him that you enjoy hanging out with him and you are feeling things out. Seeing as how it's very early in the dating, I don't think he'd get offended. He may actually appreciate your honesty, you know?
Author bigheartkindsoul Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Cool thanks Ocean, I will try (I am not good at this) and tell him that I enjoy hanging out and can we just leave it at that for the time being. People skills I have, convo skills are excellent, but I am normally a little shy when it comes to first kissing someone however seemed to have turned into a complete shy nervous wreak about it. :o
Ocean-Blue Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Cool thanks Ocean, I will try (I am not good at this) and tell him that I enjoy hanging out and can we just leave it at that for the time being. People skills I have, convo skills are excellent, but I am normally a little shy when it comes to first kissing someone however seemed to have turned into a complete shy nervous wreak about it. :o Don't sweat it BKHS. My gf (the one I mentioned above) has slowly begun a dating/relationship thing with a friend of mine (I set them up)...but it took time for her to develop something for him. The more they hung out, the more she knew she wanted it to go further (although they hit a few speed bumps along the way...but that's an entirely different story). Kissing can be weird - it can go totally awry or be a beautiful, break taking (literally) experience. If it's technique you're worried about, be slow and supple...if it's fear of kissing too soon or not kissing when the opportunity presents itself...well, we have instincts for a reason (so listen to yours).
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 A woman knows by the first kiss if he is a guy that she can be with (forever or otherwise). This rings true for me. If there's something that you don't like, then walk away. Don't waste each others' time. I'm not attracted to men that don't kiss on the first few dates. I feel that kissing is the ultimate in intimacy and if they can't do that.......they cannot give me what I am looking for.
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