izzylicious Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 [sIZE=2]Why is it that love is such a wonderful, exhilerating, uplifting feeling, until you find out that it is not reciprocated, and then it is so painful? [/sIZE]
Lee725 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Hi Izzylicious, i guess it is like the old analogy, what goes up must come down. For the lucky ones they climb up and up and they never come down. For the unlucky ones the higher they climb on the cloud of love the quicker and harder they hit the ground when the cloud dissolves.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Once we accept there is a good chance that love will not last forever, we can then decide whether we want to engage in this temporary configuration. They say that to be able to love at least once in your life is a blessing, but is it worth the pain that you feel in the end? For some the risk is worth the benefit, for others it's just not worth the trouble. Cheers!
Trialbyfire Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Is unreciprocated love, real love? Or is it simply infatuation and then a flattened ego? You decide.
Author izzylicious Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Thanks for the answers...I'm having a hard time knowing how to act on the love I have for my ex...it seems like most people on here go for NC, but we have stayed friends. I want so much to act out of love, to be caring and bring happiness to his life because that's what love is to me, but I end up feeling confused and sad. After a one year relationship, we agreed that we are good friends, but we want different things: I want a relationship with potential for a future and he wants a companion for the next 5 years til he goes off on his own to travel. Has anyone here ever stayed friends with an ex? That's an interesting thought that unreciprocated love isn't true love, I'll have to think about it...Is that what you believe?
Trialbyfire Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Thanks for the answers...I'm having a hard time knowing how to act on the love I have for my ex...it seems like most people on here go for NC, but we have stayed friends. I want so much to act out of love, to be caring and bring happiness to his life because that's what love is to me, but I end up feeling confused and sad. It's nearly impossible to be good friends, when you still have strong feelings. The quickest way to move on is to go NC, so it gives you time to uninvest, one step at a time. After a one year relationship, we agreed that we are good friends, but we want different things: I want a relationship with potential for a future and he wants a companion for the next 5 years til he goes off on his own to travel. A definite incompatibility, although I wonder if there isn't room for compromise, since you both want to travel. Is he determined to go travelling alone? Has anyone here ever stayed friends with an ex? I'm friends with most of my exes, although there was always a period of NC or at minimum, very LC. That's an interesting thought that unreciprocated love isn't true love, I'll have to think about it...Is that what you believe? How can it be real, mature love if there's no give and take? Yes, I do believe it, although it's not the traditional view on love.
Lee725 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Yes, I have Izzy, 10 years ago i left the love of my life (contradiction i know i wont get into it). 10 years on we are still good friends, he still sees my dad and we talk almost every week either on the phone or in person. He is married now with 2 young sons. I respect his wife, i respect his sons, there is never any physical contact or inuendo. It is hard to let go of the feelings you have and to be honest mayb you never will. I still love him, he still loves me, but the love changes. It is not the kind that you experience when you were together, but rather a love of what you had that maintains the bond you keep over the years. He is the only ex that i have been able to do that with, and i know that there are some people who will say it is not possible to stay friends with an ex at all. We had to have a few years of NC to get past what had happened before we could work on a true friendship. If your heart is still aching for him you may be causing yourself more grief by staying friends but only you can make the final choice. Good luck babe.
niceguy27 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 True love conquers all...Good wisdom I think. Anyway, i am in the boat of the "friends" with my ex. You can catch up on the whole thing with my other threads but...Anyway, things have calmed down for both of us. We are both actively out there seeing other people, keeping busy, etc. This has been ongoing for about 2 months. Then, recently my ex started seeing this guy and lo and behold, very shortly thereafter she found out she was pregnant. I had no idea until about a week ago I happened to email her just to say hi and stuff. She emailed back and said she wanted to get together for a drink. Long story short. SHe was pregnant and had to make a decision on whether or not to keep it. Her and I both share the same opinion on that...We always decided we would never have an abortion. So I can only imagine what was going through her head. She ended up getting one ALL BY HERSELF! This new guy was not there to take her or there for her afterwards. She 100% volunteered this to me in tears because she had to experience that all alone. So what did I do??? I reached across the table and took her hand and listened to her. All the breakup talk, NC, space, time, etc. doesnt erase the fact that she is someone I love dearly. For her or anyone that I care about to experience something like that alone would break anyones heart. I would never want someone to walk that road alone. I know we are split and maybe things will work. Maybe they wont. But when the sh** hits the fan is when youre tested. So yes. You can be friends. Maybe not in the "hang out all the time" or "lets talk about the world" sense but in a deep, loving, and caring way. Hope that helped a little bit.
Author izzylicious Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 I can't tell you how much this message board has helped, thanks to everyone... Niceguy: you truly are a "nice guy"--I have read some of your story on another thread. I commend you for being there for her. The kind of friendship you share with your ex is the kind I foresee having with my ex, but right now it is so hard to let go of my affection towards him and hopes of a future together. Lee: Thanks for the support! That is just what I need TrialByFire: I'm still pondering your non-reciprocated love isn't real love idea. I love him, but he only says he likes spending time with me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. I am the one who brought up the "let's discuss our relationship" though he is the one who ultimately said he thought we were better off as friends. We had talked about staying together when he traveled when his plans to travel were limited to a few years and I could go with him for some of the time, but he just added 10 more years and a boat onto his itinerary!! I know it sounds far-fetched, but he has been planning and saving for it 10 years. I am an independent woman and he said he would include me in the travels if I want, but he is not willing to be a part of the future I want for myself, which includes adopting a child. I suppose we could end up together, but I don't want to count on it since he is non-commital. In the meantime, like many others who have posted, I'm dealing with love that I can't express the way I would like to. I've never been good at the "wait and see."
Trialbyfire Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 TrialByFire: I'm still pondering your non-reciprocated love isn't real love idea. I love him, but he only says he likes spending time with me and doesn't want to be with anyone else. I am the one who brought up the "let's discuss our relationship" though he is the one who ultimately said he thought we were better off as friends. We had talked about staying together when he traveled when his plans to travel were limited to a few years and I could go with him for some of the time, but he just added 10 more years and a boat onto his itinerary!! I know it sounds far-fetched, but he has been planning and saving for it 10 years. I am an independent woman and he said he would include me in the travels if I want, but he is not willing to be a part of the future I want for myself, which includes adopting a child. I suppose we could end up together, but I don't want to count on it since he is non-commital. In the meantime, like many others who have posted, I'm dealing with love that I can't express the way I would like to. I've never been good at the "wait and see." I can understand this, although I see no give on his side. If he truly loved you, he would be willing to compromise, even to let go of part of his dream. The portion you might have to give up, is your dream of adopting, if it's not what he wants. Incompatibility and insufficient compromise. Is this real, mature love? You tell me.
Uhriventis Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Love can be summed up vaguely with this: Pandora's Box.
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