imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 OH MY GOD. Can somebody please explain why this has made me so so angry? I have just sent a very NIPPY text too to ex mm as I'm so so Angry. All he has done is finally cotton on the the fact he has a online profile where anyoe can see. Not much info on it at all. So after not accessing it for, like - EVER - he has gone in today and closed it down. What the hell did he think I was going to do? I'm so angry I feel sick. Stupid spinless PR*CK. I'm just about to out him on another profile of his before he has chance to close it. Jerk!
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Oh Jesus - I'm so so so so so stupid. Now I just feel devestated as he wil hate me even more. I shoudnt have texted him what I did. WHat a stupid cow. Why oh for gods sake WHY cant I just MOVE ON.
sb129 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Hmm.... Why are you angry he closed his profile down? And what did you say in the text? Is he going to think you are cyber-stalking him? Stunned you were doing so well?
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Everytime you feel like texting him, start a thread here and dedicate it to him. Pour all your anger out here instead of contacting him. It serves you NO PURPOSE to contact him, it only makes you feel worse later after you do the text. Please seek the counselling because you have to work through this, we can help you as much as we can but a trained counsellor will be able to get you through it, change your thinking patterns and also get you to see who this guy really is, and make you believe it so you won't EVER want to contact him again. It will be a long process because of the betrayal and how he made you feel. Hang in there and again, post here instead of to him.
PLAYBRAT Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 IS....I think the upcoming holidays are not helping you right now. You have visions of him with his "happy" little family...and thoughts of what he did to you. Your feelings are normal...completely. Maybe you need a break from things. Being inside reading these boards can get depressing. Can you get away for a few days?
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Im not doing well. I'm an idiot. I'm very very upset. I said that he must be really worried to have shut down his account, that he should hurry to shut down his face book account too - and what did he think - that I was going to out him?? Dosent matter. I have just made an utter fool of myself. AND the worst thing is that I'm upset if I'm honest as I saw when he was online, and he hasnt been active for MONTHS. I felt sooo excitied to even know that he was online at that moment in time - I mean it made me almost giddy. I was wondering what he was doing - was he looking for me. No stupid cow that I am - he dosent like me having any access on info on him. Dosent matter really, I know just about all there is to know. But i literally feel that I have been thrown in the trash again. Irrational I know - but its the same feeling as when he shut down or blocked me from his e-mail. THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT. NOT MINE. Why am I the one going through sheer hell and tormentand NOT HIM? I literally feel sick. Funny - he hasnt replied to my text. With any luck he changed his number.
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Okay, first off, STOP beating up on yourself! You know logically it's over with him so please delete and block him from your IM list. As (I think it's LB) some say NO MORE CONTACT = NO MORE NEW HURTS.
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Thanks for saying I should post here - I just feel like I am a stuck record, and even here there is only so much support that somebody can give. I'm telling you its not a coincidence he has shut down that account. Its taken him a while to figure out how I found out some stuff about him, he clearly dosent like it. A**hole! I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Angry and missing him all in the same few minutes. Why oh Why did I text him?? What a MUG! And Yes - with christmas comming up I'm tortured by the idea of him with his wife and two kids. It KILLS ME!
PLAYBRAT Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I'm Stunned.... You sent a text. You didn't break the law...and believe me..your reaction has been VERY forgiving considering the crap he did to you. My suggestion to you right now is to be nicer to yourself. You did NOTHING wrong. It seems as though you afraid of angering him. LET HIM GET ANGRY!!!! WHO CARES??? I think getting out and about will do wonders for you. Take your little one shopping with you. This can't be good for him with you in this state of mind. Focus on yourself and him right now. I think working out will REALLY help as well. It will get rid of all that pent up energy and anger.....
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 You text him in hopes he'll respond to you and tell you want you need/want to hear. Problem is, he isn't going to do that. Ever...That is why contacting him is only making you feel worse...You miss how he made you feel, rightfully so! But, it's over and somehow you have to make that peace... His wife probably has something to do with him shutting down stuff online, who knows what else he's lied to her about, I bet she is paying close attention or even installed a keylogger onto the computer, who knows! But, at the end of the day, for your own sanity, the less you know about him, his life and what he does, the better for you. I know you can't see that now, but knowing wtf is going on with him will only prevent you from closing him off in your heart. Unfortunately yes, he has a wife and children, he's a f**ker for lying to you, betraying you, making you believe he was single and available, let alone the whopper sick lies he told you along the way to make you worry about him. Thinking of his wife and children is only bringing harm to you - Do your best to change your thought patterns, when you start to think of him, DO something different. Focus on your own child, call a friend, watch some TV, put on music, dance, any distraction will help relieve those thoughts.
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I cant take this anymore. I am living a facade. I am out and about all the time. I was out at dinner last week, at a party on Sat. I'm almost beating men off me with a stick. But I cant get over what he has done to me. I cant read those words which way without crying even more. I want to scream at you "HOW DO YOU KNOW" "YOU DONT KNOW HE WONT COME BACK". THis must be somehting like what a BS goes through - the betrayal, the lies, the hurt, at least they get to stay with their WS and shout at them. At least the WS stays and begs forgiveness says they love them says the affiar was a mistake. Is that what I am?? Some sort of horrible mistake?? I have literally been binned like the grottiest piece of sh*t there ever was. I cant bear it. I LOVED THAT MAN.
Freedom Now Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Dear friend, I went through the same emotions you went through. It was unbelievably devastating. I still think back to those days and wonder how I made it through... To fall in love with someone based on the illusion that he presented is horrific. There is one thing worse than grieving....and that is grieving with disillusionment. It is one thing to grieve a loss, but quite another to grieve a relationship that, in essence, didn't exist. That was my biggest challenge. I grieved the loss of what I THOUGHT I had. I know it is horrific and devastating. I was where you are today. And, by the grace of God, I made it through. But, there were some rough times, let me tell you. Hang on. It WILL get better. Freedom Now/Walking Away
4whatItsWorth Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Is that what I am?? Some sort of horrible mistake?? Just because something was a mistake doesn't mean it meant nothing. My ex was a horrible (but my favourite) mistake. I'd not think of it as a mistake...rather "the wrong place at the wrong time". (or did I offend you now? :S) It will take time for you to get over him, it's never easy to just "forget" love you have for someone. I used to read "He's just not that into you" - it helped me a lot, because it made me realise that I was worth so much more and that it WASN'T my fault that my ex treated me like nothing. In time, you will realise it wasn't your fault your MM treated you badly either.
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Thanks guys. I was so upset and angry before I was physically SHAKING. Now after a good cry I feel a little better but am very angry with myself for texting him. Now I have just confirmed to him that I did know about this online profile, and was interested enough in him to even look at it. He hasnt replied, and I hope to god he dosent bother. Becuase I know that if he does I will retaliate. Maybe if I'm lucky he has changed his number. I have deleted his numbers from my contact lists - but I WONT delete the texts. If she ever calls me again, they are what I will read to her. All 433 of them - not to mention the other 200 or so on my old phone. I'm just not that convinced that I'll never get a call from her again. I KNOW I'd regret deleting them. I'm SURE his wife hasnt caused him to shut down that piece of S*it profile - he did it while he was at work. He dosent have a computer at home. Im sure of it. I just dont get why he dosent want me to know anything about him. It didnt even say anything really! Feels really horrible. Its been over 6 weeks now since I was thrown under the bus - I swear it feels like less time and my emotions are MORE intense now than they were then. I'm MORE angy. MORE hurt. I want to STRANGLE him!!!
Freedom Now Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Be angry. It is okay. You are going through the steps of grieving. And your emotions are very normal and justified. Hang in there. That anger you carry right now will fuel you through this difficult time. Peace to you.
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 i have just had a huge fight with my mum! She said that he has closed his account because obviously he dosent want any contact with me. I couldnt have contacted him via this stupid profile any way! Am I missing something here?
Suny1 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Wow do I ever feel every bit of pain you are going through!!! Its been 3 weeks for me and what makes me soooo mad is that he is telling his *our friend that he just wants to go on as if I was never in his life! WTF?? So yeah... it makes ya ANGRY! I talked to his wife but still protected him by not telling her everything that I should have. Wishing now I had told her everything! I just want him to hurt the way he has hurt me. He is going on about his life as if nothing happened. He wants to hate me like I did something wrong to him. If I think he hates me.. then he thinks I would never talk to his wife again. Thats a sick warped mind that I fell in love with. I just hope one day it will all come back to him and he will feel the hurt as I have! Thanks for letting me vent. This thread got me all riled up!! lol... but posting made me feel some better too.
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Hi Sunny - sorry you are going through this too. I have never ever been treated so badly in my whole life. I have a friend here just now and am literally sitting here shaking my head. I just dont understand it. I feel as though my exmm HATES me - and it makes me LIVID. What the hell is he so afraid of from me looking at a stupid profile - through which I couldnt contact him at all! I DONT GET IT. He wanted me to vanish - considering everything I have done a pretty good job, but he still manages to give me the big virtual FU*K OFF!! No need for it at all.
child_of_isis Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 let's try an excersize. First breathe deeply...... then every time you think of the crackhead, say out loud..."I send you peace", or "go with peace"....whichever feels right. The moral of the story is that whatever you send out into The Universe, is returned to you... (aka as karma, the circle of life, what comes around goes around blah blah blah) so, if you send out peace, peace will come to you.
norajane Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 i have just had a huge fight with my mum! She said that he has closed his account because obviously he dosent want any contact with me. I couldnt have contacted him via this stupid profile any way! Am I missing something here? Your mom, in her way, is trying to get you to go off this guy. She thinks that if you are reminded that he's not coming back and doesn't want contact with you, that you will eventually accept it and stop hoping, wishing, waiting and checking his profiles to see what he might be up to, or contacting him in some way. She doesn't know that you can't contact him via the profile. All she knows is that her daughter is in PAIN and is beating herself up over a relationship with a guy who is in no way worth it. She's not trying to hurt you - she wants to snap you out of this destructive behavior and pining away for him. She's hoping you will put him behind you. She is right in the sense that checking his profiles and Facebook, texting him, etc., is destructive to you - you see how you end up feeling when you do. It really is best to maintain a complete separation and distance. Don't re-read the texts in your phone, don't go out to Facebook to see if he's taken that profile down. The less you know about what he's doing or not doing, the faster you will be able to put him behind you. Every form of contact - including reading his texts over again - keeps you mired in the hell you are in. Stay strong. You WILL get over this. You WILL.
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 But why the HELL do I get the very strong impression that I am getting a virtual FU*K OFF? And I have blocked him from my facebook before he can block me - which he wil do anyway. I really feel as though he hates me and I just dont understand it.
Suny1 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I did nothing at all to make him hate me either. I think its just much easier for them to supposedly *get over it if they tell themselves they hate us. I think in some way he is looking at me as if I did something to try to break-up his marriage. The W let him stay so now its as if I did something to cause them trouble. He did that all on his own! Maybe we should try that *hate thing. I just don't know how to do that yet. In the meantime........*sends out that peace signal
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I doubt he hates you, he probably knows he's a big fat lying jerk and doesn't want to do anymore damage to you, so therefore blocking you and making it seem like he's disappeared completely is not only for your benefit, but for his wife's benefit too. You really have NO idea what goes on behind closed doors between them, for all you know it could be his wife who has told him to do this and he's going along with it to save his marriage, save himself. I really wish you wouldn't turn this into there's something wrong with you!! It will only make you feel worse. Beating up on yourself, etc... Okay, so what IF he is giving you the F-Off online. He's asked you not to contact him, to leave him alone...You have text messaged him afew times, and now he's disappeared, ignoring you along the way...It hurts you, but the fact is, (sorry S, don't mean this meanly, I do care) you're bringing some of this on yourself by putting energy into him when he wants to disappear. Searching for him online, trying to know what he is doing, writing about, whatever - Is only doing damage to you! Also know, trying to figure out someone who is completely an a-hole and unbalanced is insane...You're banging your head against a brick wall.
Author imstunned Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I know I know - I just feel like such an ass for texting him when I got so cross after he changed accessiblity to his profile. I contacted him once after 3 weeks. Then got drunk after another 2 and texted that I missed him, that was over a week ago. I HAVE left him alone. OK - tonight I made the mistake of texting again - hopefully he will just ignore me. Thats how much I mean to him.
Suny1 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I suppose we will just never get over the fact that we didn't do anything to be hated. All in all, we really should be hating them and start trying to get on with our life. I am trying so hard to do that. I have not tried to contact him in any way. Actually I would rather remember the *good times and try to believe there is some good in him. (Although right this min I can't seem to find that! lol) I know what we had when we were together was real and had no idea it would come to what it has. Just try to think I had the love that I thought I never would find and it ended so abruptly. I may never understand how he can go on not talking to me. The *perfect feeling with such *bad timing.... is gone.... Time now to look forward to something else important in our life.. NOT ANOTHER MM!!!!
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