4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 So, as many of you know from past posts, Ive been dating this guy for five months. We're still not "official" per say, but we both have talked about how we dont want the other to go out with other people. Anyway, he is very independent and likes to do his own thing. However, sometimes i feel like he puts me after other things in his life, like ok, family I understand, but friends and other activites...i dont know. Im not sure if this is normal, i dont have much experience with dating and I dont know if maybe Im supposed to do the same thing, and not put him as a priority. For example, I asked him if we could hang out wednesday cuz i wanted us to go watch a movie. He said he couldnt cuz he was going to a party with a friend in his building. So we decided to meet up thursday to go hiking and later go to a movie. Well last nite I asked him if he was still up for it and he said he was but that he would be going to his parents right after the hike. I was a bit pissed cuz we had planned the movie and I was hoping to spend the day with him so I asked him when were we going to do that. He said that maybe we could go watch the movie instead of doing the hike....but we were going to hike early in the morning so that didnt make sense. Anyway, i got a bit mad and said that if he didnt want to go we could just do it next week, or just not go at all. He then said that maybe we could do the hike, he would go see his dad for a while, then we could get together at night for the movie. Then he told me that the reason why he had to go see his dad was because he was going to Vegas with his friends this weekend and wasnt going to be able to go see his dad as he usually does. I dont know if its ok for me to bring up that sometimes I feel like im not really a priority for him, or if Im in no position to be asked to be a priority since we are still just dating for now. What do you guys think?
Krytie TV Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 So, as many of you know from past posts, Ive been dating this guy for five months. We're still not "official" per say, but we both have talked about how we dont want the other to go out with other people. I'm sorry... what? Explain exactly how this works and the point of it. This is such a blatant signal of lack of commitment that I don't see how either of you could question the behavior of the other.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I'm sorry... what? Explain exactly how this works and the point of it. This is such a blatant signal of lack of commitment that I don't see how either of you could question the behavior of the other. hm...well, i guess this is the whole issue that i have. I feel that the reason why we arent "official" (meaning we're not in a serious, long term, we're looking to get married, type of relationship) is because i honestly think he feels the title means he's gonna have to give up a lot of his freedom when it comes to going out with his friend and feeling that he HAS to spend all of his free time with me. Yet, we both know we dont want to be with anyone else. So in a way i guess he is right, after all, even without the "title' i still feel he should want to be with me whenever possible, so ofcourse I imagine those feelings will only get worse if we do become more serious. I guess id like a compromise where, sure he goes out and have fun, but puts a bit more priority on me.
marrty24 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I agree, if you want to be in this unofficial relationship then you need to expect and accept things like this to happen. If you both want to be in a real commited relationship then it should be different and there should be few things that he puts before you. If you put up with always being second then you'll always be second.
Ruthieo01 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Okay I guess I don't understand, if you are just dating, but neither one of you want to be with other people how can it be that you are not looking at this as serious, long term relationship? From my experience when someone tells me that they want to date me alone, it turns into a relationship. . . Sounds to me that he is either really scared of commitment, or just losing interest. Sorry to say that but if I were you I would start keeping myself busy. Next time he ask to go out or get together, have something planned. I wouldn't have a big onversation about it. That might scare him off. You never know maybe a little you not being there all the time, can give him the time to realize that this "dating. relationship" isn't so bad. That's what I think
wizer Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I dont know if its ok for me to bring up that sometimes I feel like im not really a priority for him, or if Im in no position to be asked to be a priority since we are still just dating for now. What do you guys think? Based on the length of your relationship, your level of commitment, and the examples you gave in your post, I think you are being unreasonable. You are risking alienating the guy.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I agree, if you want to be in this unofficial relationship then you need to expect and accept things like this to happen. If you both want to be in a real commited relationship then it should be different and there should be few things that he puts before you. If you put up with always being second then you'll always be second. ahh exactly the response i was looking for. So it is normal to have these things happen in the type of relationship we are having (and which may take a bit to evolve for a lot of reasons, but thats just something else). So, bassically you're saying I should chill out, and stop acting like the girlfriend Im not (or the type of girlfriend I dont want to be) THanks, thats what i needed to hear
wizer Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 ahh exactly the response i was looking for. THanks, thats what i needed to hear HEY! My advice was almost the same! * wizer pouts *
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Based on the length of your relationship, your level of commitment, and the examples you gave in your post, I think you are being unreasonable. You are risking alienating the guy. Yeah, thats what i thought too for a second...but then there's that other part that tells me I should ask for more...although i know very well its not the right time.... Thanks for the smack in the head
wizer Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Yeah, thats what i thought too for a second...but then there's that other part that tells me I should ask for more...although i know very well its not the right time.... I think if you "ask for more" then you are pushing too hard at this point. Make definite plans with him going forward, as suggested by another poster, and let him know that you expect them to be kept.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 HEY! My advice was almost the same! * wizer pouts * hahaha! yeah it was! you just didnt give me time to acknowledge it!
marrty24 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Pretty much, unless you want to be in an "offical" relationship and be first in his life. But if that's the case you need to let him know.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Make definite plans with him going forward, as suggested by another poster, and let him know that you expect them to be kept. haha i think he figure that one out last night. We havent had a single He's a really great guy...just not very experience, and deathly afraid of being chained. ...and I completely feel him...well.. most of the time.
wizer Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 We havent had a single He's a really great guy...just not very experience, and deathly afraid of being chained. ...and I completely feel him...well.. most of the time. You lost me. I can't make sense out of that post. Maybe it's me?
sb129 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 This kind of R would drive me nuts. I would expect to be told if my BF of 5 months was going to Vegas for the weekend whether he is "official" or not. If I was in this kind of R, I would only be being "chilled out" to try and keep the guy thinking I was "chilled" so he wouldn't leave me. I have been there and done that, and it made me miserable. I think the way he treats you is unacceptable. Five months is long enough to know whether you want a serious R with someone or not. If he doesn't want to be "chained" then he shouldn't be stringing you along.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Pretty much, unless you want to be in an "offical" relationship and be first in his life. But if that's the case you need to let him know. I do want a serious relationship..just not just yet...and i dont really expect being first in his life, at least not until, if, we get married. But I guess I do would like to not come in fourth...and thats what i guess is what I wonder if i should talk to him about...
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 You lost me. I can't make sense out of that post. Maybe it's me? oh haha sorry, i posted a half completed post...I meant that he's a great guy, we havent had a fight since we started dating and last nite was the first time he felt me lose my temper a bit so i guess he got the message I expect him to keep his word when he says we're going to do something.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 This kind of R would drive me nuts. I would expect to be told if my BF of 5 months was going to Vegas for the weekend whether he is "official" or not. Oh he told me...he was invited to go with his team yesterday and he told me yesterday, so no its not about him going to Vegas, its about him not remembering we made plans....
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