tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 So I met this gal off of match.com. I was not expecting much however when we met it was instantly like we've known eachother for a long time, talking, flirting, etc. She is very cute, seems to really have her life together. Well we met for dinner, went great, then went to the movie where she kept bumping into my hand, so after that happening a few times, I held her hand, she seemed to enjoy it, was sort of lightly scratching my arm. Got a nice goodnight kiss at the end of the night, along with her saying that her match subscription was almost up and she was kind of glad after such a great first date. The next day she sent me a text saying how good of a time she had and that she looks forward to hanging out again. Well since that (the date was friday), we've talked almost everyday (couple of calls, couple of texts). We even arranged plans to hang out on sunday, she suggested she come over we could watch a movie or what not. She called a few hours before she was to come over and cancelled stating that she felt like we were rushing a little and didnt want to screw things up by jumping the gun (I also like the fact that she is a bit blunt, stated that she was PMSing and that she really didnt think it would be a good idea for a second date haha). I agreed and we have made plans to go to a local burger joint on wednesday for a little more casual sort of date. Does it seem like this girl is interested? Also, any sort of semi-romantic/fun ideas for after dinner? Although I've been out on quite a few dates since my breakup, this is really the first girl that I've clicked with in a long time.
dbtmarley Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 And props to her for being up front about her feelings... and to you for understanding. Just take it slow and have fun... which it sounds like your doing quite well. Some of the best dates I've ever had was when I cooked for the woman.. they really are quite impressed if you can do it well. If she offers to help clean up, decline... but realize that is a point for her..lol. Sounds to me like you are doing everything right...
Author tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I actually mentioned last night that I was a good cook (which I am, to any highschoolers out there...take a home ec class, it really impresses the ladies). However the reasons we are kind of trying to stay away from eachothers houses for now is that we both live with our parents (poor grad students) and that would involve introducing eachother to our parents haha. But any other advice? thanks marley
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I think she's playing the field. She's very good at the dating thing - getting you to get close to her and making moves. I like the next day text thing.... that will work with anyone. I don't think it was clever to tell you about her personal cycle (PMS) unless it was a lie (then who would care?). This type of information is inappropriate for a first/second date sort of thing. Did you really need to know? Does she turn into Dracula during a pre-cycle? I also think the Match.com expiration thing was a line to see what you would do and to boost your ego (along with the text message) to get you to ask her out again. I don't know her, but that's what it sounds like to me. When did you split with your last relationship and how long were you together?
Author tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 I would agree she is probably playing the field, as I am for the most part too. In reference to the PMS thing, it sounded true as she was not her usual bubbly self then, she seemed apologetic about it. I can sort of understand as well, we're still really new at this whole thing and you want to put this whole thing forward. Plus on our first date, we kind of agreed to drop the whole first date acts and be ourselves, she took off her heels and put on other shoes out of her car, I took off my jacket and undid my button on my shirt. The match expiration thing was mostly a song and dance I agree. However it does seem like she is on less (not on for the last 3 days). My last relationship was about a year and a half long and ended a little over 3 months ago, took about 6 weeks to do the whole getting over her thing, was upset still, however made some large steps, lost alot of weight, got in great shape, gave up smoking...basically found myself again. Have been on about 6-7 dates in the last month
Phateless Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 So I met this gal off of match.com. I was not expecting much however when we met it was instantly like we've known eachother for a long time, talking, flirting, etc. She is very cute, seems to really have her life together. Well we met for dinner, went great, then went to the movie where she kept bumping into my hand, so after that happening a few times, I held her hand, she seemed to enjoy it, was sort of lightly scratching my arm. Got a nice goodnight kiss at the end of the night, along with her saying that her match subscription was almost up and she was kind of glad after such a great first date. The next day she sent me a text saying how good of a time she had and that she looks forward to hanging out again. Well since that (the date was friday), we've talked almost everyday (couple of calls, couple of texts). We even arranged plans to hang out on sunday, she suggested she come over we could watch a movie or what not. She called a few hours before she was to come over and cancelled stating that she felt like we were rushing a little and didnt want to screw things up by jumping the gun (I also like the fact that she is a bit blunt, stated that she was PMSing and that she really didnt think it would be a good idea for a second date haha). I agreed and we have made plans to go to a local burger joint on wednesday for a little more casual sort of date. Does it seem like this girl is interested? Also, any sort of semi-romantic/fun ideas for after dinner? Although I've been out on quite a few dates since my breakup, this is really the first girl that I've clicked with in a long time. lol. Of course she's interested you dork! (stupid censorship, i could have phrased this much better). I like this girl. She's confident, a little aggressive, not afraid to tell you how she feels or go after what she wants. You've managed to find one of the rare ones like that. Maybe I should head over to match.com?? The arm scratching was telling you she wanted to go farther... she was probably kinda turned on by you. It sounds like she really likes you! The invitation to her house for a movie meant she was probably almost ready to jump into bed with you. The re-scheduling and informing you about PMS confirms my theory about jumping into bed with you. (she doesn't want your first time together to be when she's on her period) Living with parents being awkward, again, same thing... How long has she been single? She's either really into you or possibly rebounding. I really don't think it's the latter though, it sounds like she's just a confident, aggressive, cool-ass chick. I think you played it perfectly on accident by going a little slower than she was ready for, teasing her, and leaving her wanting more. Yes you did this all on accident, but it worked. Don't stress it, just hang out with her. If you're wanting to slow it down a bit before jumping into bed, do more outdoorsy/day-date kinda stuff. Someone recently suggested mini-golf as a day-date to me. I think that one's great because there's plenty of fun to be had, plenty of opportunity for smack-talking, teasing, and friendly banter, and an activity in case the conversation lulls. As for playing the field... who cares for now? Keep seeing each other and playing the field yourself, and when you're ready to ask her to be your girlfriend, do so. At this point I would be shocked if she said no to that. btw, hiking is another one of my favorite dates.
Author tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 well thank you phateless for the vote of confidence. I could kind of tell she was interested early, she mentioned that "we" should go see a movie that we saw on a preview. I'll be honest here, I'm fairly aloof to womens signals, although I did read that women will find any reason to touch you if they are interested, she wiped some bbq sauce off of my face during dinner so I should have been more clued in. I was actually glad we didnt meet at either of our houses, She seems awesome and I dont want to complicate things by jumping into anything too quickly. However, something about her really intrigues me. She suggested the burger place, so I was thinking maybe as a companion sort of activity, maybe a pool hall or the mini golf? I dont know if this is sort of a regional thing or not, but there are alot of light shows around here (like holiday drive threw ones), i thought that could be fun. I don't believe she is really on the rebound, she just recently moved back to the 'burgh and said that she has little ties to this area anymore besides family. However, I really want to get to know this girl before getting in over my head, so far so good though. PS-Phateless, Match is a decent site, however like many others have said, make sure they have a full body pic (I'm a solid 220lb collegiate wrestler and I went out with a girl who stated "about average" and she could have easily beaten me senseless)...additionally, take it offline as quickly as possible, however if this thing works out. I'd say it was worth the 30 or so
Phateless Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Ok cool, thanks. Yeah you're definitely aloof to women's signals, lol. I found a great list somewhere on another site, if I can track it down I'll repost it here. She was being pretty forward to tell you the truth. She can probably tell you're dense. Pool is a great idea... if she says anything about not being able to figure out how to shoot, or hold the stick, or complains a couple of times about continually missing, she wants you to get behind her, put your hands on hers so your arms are around her and "help" her shoot. It's an excuse to get close. I know your oblivious ass is gonna miss that one, so I thought I'd clue you in early, lol. The same could easily apply to mini golf. I have profiles up on a couple of dating sites but I don't pay for most of them because in my experience they haven't been worth it. I have one that i pay $7/month for on Jewish American Singles and HotorNot ($6) but those are both cheap enough that it's just for fun and I don't really worry about it. 95% of my girls come from real life anyway. Thanks for sharing your experience, tho.
Phateless Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Found it. IOI means Indicator Of Interest. This is material that came from one of those seduction message boards. I was curious about that stuff when I first became single. I don't really read much of this stuff anymore, but it did teach me some valuable things that help me know what to do when I meet someone I like. Kino means touch. It's an IOI if- what she says -she tries to end silence; ex- "so..." (credit mASF) -she initiates contact with you -asks about name/age/ethnicity/fragrance/clothing (credit Hysteria) -married women talks incessently to you, yet never mentions the husband (credit Vapor) -asks you if you're leaving when you put something away or put on your gloves, etc (credit adamm411) what she does -she plays with her hair while talking to you -you sense jealousy when you mention another female -she initiates kino -she makes eye contact then smiles at you (credit syren) -she brings her group of friends to stand near your group of friends and keeps looking over (credit syren) -she watches you on the dancefloor (credit syren) -body language i.e If she moves her body around to face you while you are talking (credit Malibu) -grabbing hat/ring etc. and putting it on unprovoked or touches any article of clothing (credit acqyr and Katil) -legs become intertwined with yours (credit Jester) -leans in while talking to you (credit Jester) -looks at you when you look away, then turns away when you look back (credit Jester) You absolutely know you're in when- -she puts her hand on your leg -licks her lips when talking to (credit Jester) -she tries to grab your attention constantly (credit Jester) -she grabs your crotch or ass (credit acqyr) -you can see her giving you the doggy dinner bowl eyes (credit X-Ice) -she takes your cell phone without warning and she put her phone number in (credit Top Gun)
Art_Critic Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I think she's playing the field. She's very good at the dating thing - getting you to get close to her and making moves. I like the next day text thing.... that will work with anyone. I don't think it was clever to tell you about her personal cycle (PMS) unless it was a lie (then who would care?). This type of information is inappropriate for a first/second date sort of thing. Did you really need to know? Does she turn into Dracula during a pre-cycle? I also think the Match.com expiration thing was a line to see what you would do and to boost your ego (along with the text message) to get you to ask her out again. I agree with Blue Eyed Brain... Remember that there are others she is dating.. that to me is why she put the brakes on somewhat.. Nothing wrong with that but just keep it in mind and remember to not believe every single thing that she tells you when it is about dating/match.com. I do think she is interested.. but not to the point that she isn't making other plans and dates yet with others.. I met my wife on Match so it can work out.... Just keep dating her and see where it goes..
Blue Eyed Brain Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 lol. Of course she's interested you dork! (stupid censorship, i could have phrased this much better). I like this girl. She's confident, a little aggressive, not afraid to tell you how she feels or go after what she wants. You've managed to find one of the rare ones like that. Maybe I should head over to match.com?? If she is rare than we all are well done..... The arm scratching was telling you she wanted to go farther... she was probably kinda turned on by you. It sounds like she really likes you! Maybe,.....and that's a huge assumption. The invitation to her house for a movie meant she was probably almost ready to jump into bed with you. Not at all, she wants to see if he can handle intimacy. However, she canceled and therefore is not interested short term (for whatever reason) or long term. If a woman really likes a guy, she'll have pnemonia and still go on the date. The re-scheduling and informing you about PMS confirms my theory about jumping into bed with you. (she doesn't want your first time together to be when she's on her period) PMS = PRE-menstral - meaning that she does not have it, but will in 10 days or so. She could be at her horniest. If she wanted to, she could have taken a MIDOL and ran over to him. (It was an excuse). Living with parents being awkward, again, same thing... How long has she been single? She's either really into you or possibly rebounding. I really don't think it's the latter though, it sounds like she's just a confident, aggressive, cool-ass chick. I think you played it perfectly on accident by going a little slower than she was ready for, teasing her, and leaving her wanting more. Yes you did this all on accident, but it worked. It seems that she is playing it perfectly and leaving HIM wanting more.... Don't stress it, just hang out with her. If you're wanting to slow it down a bit before jumping into bed, do more outdoorsy/day-date kinda stuff. Someone recently suggested mini-golf as a day-date to me. I think that one's great because there's plenty of fun to be had, plenty of opportunity for smack-talking, teasing, and friendly banter, and an activity in case the conversation lulls. As for playing the field... who cares for now? Keep seeing each other and playing the field yourself, and when you're ready to ask her to be your girlfriend, do so. At this point I would be shocked if she said no to that. Ask her out again, and see what she says..... btw, hiking is another one of my favorite dates. Either way, good luck to you. See men and women see the coin totally different.
dbtmarley Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 This girl is single right? Of course she is dating... I would be worried if she dropped everything and wanted to be exclusive after the first date. I think your date went perfectly as I said before. Since she is not married, guess what, she is allowed to see as many people as she wishes. Dude.. You did good and I still say she did too. Perhaps the PMS thing was a bit too much info or like Blue eyed said it could have been a lie. At this point all your doing is dating... By the 3rd - 5th date you should pretty much know where this is going. You did good son and keep having as much fun, worried free! One thing about people on dating sites, they sometimes can't drop it. So if you get feelings for one of those make sure sister girl is done with the site...
Author tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Well unfortunately it appears as if this girl is playing games at this point. I called a few minutes ago to wrap all the arrangements for the second date and guess what, she said that her best friend is coming into town tommorow night for thanksgiving (believable i suppose), and said that she had to cancel. She had menchened this friend on the first date and how she lived out of state and how she hoped she'd be coming for thanksgiving. She said that she is still really interested in hanging out again and apologized for canceling twice however I know better. We talked for about a half hour after that intial blow, and she had to go to class but said "I'll call you later if thats ok with you" I said "yeah, that'd be great" This is what I really hate about the whole dating thing, so many unasnwered sort of questions. So how do I play this, she said she would contact her friend and find out how many days she'd be in town and if she's going to be in town for a little while would like to hangout sometime this weekend. Guess I've learned not to take too much stake in what people say. I don't really want to give the impression that I'm hungup on this girl or whatever, I'm still going out, having a good time, meeting new people, it was just cool because I thought we had a great time and seemed like a no nonsense sort of gal Oh well, back to the daily grind haha.
Phateless Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Either way, good luck to you. See men and women see the coin totally different. Wow, that's really interesting, BEB... I appreciate your perspective. I guess I still get manipulated as easily as the next guy. I think I can really learn something from the difference between what I thought and what you said. I'm gonna marinate on that for a while... Well unfortunately it appears as if this girl is playing games at this point. I called a few minutes ago to wrap all the arrangements for the second date and guess what, she said that her best friend is coming into town tommorow night for thanksgiving (believable i suppose), and said that she had to cancel. She had menchened this friend on the first date and how she lived out of state and how she hoped she'd be coming for thanksgiving. She said that she is still really interested in hanging out again and apologized for canceling twice however I know better. We talked for about a half hour after that intial blow, and she had to go to class but said "I'll call you later if thats ok with you" I said "yeah, that'd be great" This is what I really hate about the whole dating thing, so many unasnwered sort of questions. So how do I play this, she said she would contact her friend and find out how many days she'd be in town and if she's going to be in town for a little while would like to hangout sometime this weekend. Guess I've learned not to take too much stake in what people say. I don't really want to give the impression that I'm hungup on this girl or whatever, I'm still going out, having a good time, meeting new people, it was just cool because I thought we had a great time and seemed like a no nonsense sort of gal Oh well, back to the daily grind haha. Leave it alone, let her call you.
Author tomwiz Posted November 20, 2007 Author Posted November 20, 2007 Yeah, thats what I'm going to do, if she calls, she calls, if she doesnt, her loss. But yeah BEB, you really bring a nice female perspective to things, while a few hours ago it probably was not what I wanted to hear, it was most likely closer to the truth.
Phateless Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Yeah, thats what I'm going to do, if she calls, she calls, if she doesnt, her loss. But yeah BEB, you really bring a nice female perspective to things, while a few hours ago it probably was not what I wanted to hear, it was most likely closer to the truth. I'm hoping this doesn't happen to me. I'm going on a first date with this cool chick soon, she seems to be into me. Cheers to better luck for both of us in the future. <clink>
Author tomwiz Posted November 21, 2007 Author Posted November 21, 2007 Well phateless, I dont know if this helps you but it does me haha. My phone was on silent, and i couldn't hear calls, about an hour after she called to cancel, she called back and left a message about how she didn't want to give me the wrong idea and that she is really interested. She said that she switched her friend to a lunch date and we are going out tonight. I guess maybe she is an OK gal
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