janejonkers Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 [FONT=Arial Narrow][sIZE=3]Hello, I have a question in regards to whether people change. I don’t mean basic change, but the change in terms of personality and attitudes towards women in general. It involves mt ex-boyfriend who I bitterly broke-up with about 5 years ago. I was 16 when we started dating, he was 17 and of course he was my first for everything and I was his. He always claimed he loved me, he was perfect for me and we were almost inseparable. I would have married him if he treated me as well as he did in the beginning. But things started to turn pear-shaped about 3-months into our relationship. He started to become possessive, didn’t want me to spend time with my friends but put his friends before me, got jealous of my new possessions, forbid me to go anywhere if he wasn’t invited and also started to get jealous of my family, particularly around Christmas cause I had traditions which he didn’t. So he would make fun of the fact that I had family commitments. I wanted to end it a lot sooner, but managed to put up with his behavioural antics for 2-years. Things got worse, needless to say I now realise he began to emotionally abuse me. One minute he would be nice, the next minute he would run me down, make me feel stupid in front of everyone and pick on aspects of my looks, then he would blame the fact I was upset on me and my “emotions”. All above, he claimed that he loved me and never wanted us to break-up. I tried to end it numerous times, but he would always beg me to come back. He treated his mother the same, used to swear at her and she and his sister used to tell me that I deserved much better, cause he was a pig. But I loved him back, and tolerated his behaviour. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial Narrow][/FONT] [FONT=Arial Narrow][sIZE=3]When we broke-up, things were bitter. I decided to ignore him so that I would not be lured into a relationship again, which he retaliated and started to be nasty back, but of course blamed me. He could never see that he was treating me badly through the whole relationship, only when I threatened to end it – he would change for a week and then change back. One night, 6-months after we had broken up he got really drunk with our friends and cried to them about how much he missed me and loved me. I was willing to get back with him, and confronted him to which he denied he said anything and was happier without me. I was heartbroken and he never gave me the chance to have closure, he refused to talk about it. We worked together which made things worse and he ended up leaving about 2- years later and moving to another town to take another job. I saw him once in that time but it was purely superficial talk and rushed.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial Narrow][/FONT] [FONT=Arial Narrow][sIZE=3]5 Years later I have recently discovered that he has a girlfriend of whom he has been with for 2-years. I have seen photos and both look happy together. I think to myself now that since he is so happy, than maybe I deserved the way he treated me. Maybe it was me, cause she seems so happy that he probably treats her like a princess. I treated him very well, and his friends would always tell him that I was a catch. I don’t see how I could have deserved it, but somehow the thought is there that maybe I did. So, my question is – do people change? To the extent that they are a whole new person? Because I tried to repress it for 5 years and move on, but seeing these photos has brought me back to square 1. I feel that I made a mistake and what if? When I was still single and we used to meet up with mutual friends after the break-up, he would always be there. But since I got a new boyfriend about 3-years ago (his childhood friend), he stopped showing up to events that he knew we would be at. It seems to me he is not over it, as all major events in my life get back to him eventually. He continues to keep contact with my boyfriend, who I mentioned was his childhood friend.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial Narrow][/FONT] [FONT=Arial Narrow][sIZE=3]What do you think? Do you think he will always treat his girlfriends the same way, or was I an exception?[/sIZE][/FONT]
Jmina Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Of course people change, especially from the ages of teen to early 20's. It depends on what life deals you and how you handle it and learn from it. It is when somebody wants someone else to change that wont work. It only works if it comes from within.
starlite Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I didnt read your whole post...BUT...When I was 21, i was a totally different person as to when I was 17. And now that i am 25, I am a totally different person than when I was 21, 22, or even 23 for that matter. Not totally different, but I handle things differently, respect people more and have different morals...so yes, people change as they age...but it is at there own pace and for there own reasons.
J and S Posted November 22, 2007 Posted November 22, 2007 people change, learn as they go, pictures aren't always what they seem and I imagine he avoids, functions/activities as you are with his friend, his recognition of not being so nice all the time, etc. Maybe you should look at this as, you helped someone and saved others from potential abuse/heartache. Happy Holidays
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