podge Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 last wednesday i caught my husband of 18yrs cheating on me . i rang him at work like i do every night to say good night ( he delivers chinese) when he said he would be a second has he was just making a delivery. for some reason he forgot i was there because he put his phone in his jacket pocket . when he got back in his car it was then that i realised that there was a woman in his car . i heard them making plans to sell his car and that he had been looking for houses for them . as i was hearing this i was putting my shoes on because i new were he was so i quickly drove round when he saw my car he just said very casual to her that my wife is here. she had by the time i had got out of my car got in to hers and i could see her just sat there. my husband didnt have a clue at this time and first of all smiled at me until i then showed him my phone and told him that i had just heards everything he then just put his head down like a naughty little school boy. i gave him there and then after shouting and sreaming (oh and i also went to ther side of her car opened the door and punched here in the face) (im not really a violent person) the choice of going with her or getting in my car and coming home with me. he chose to come home . were only 6 days into this now but dont really no what to do i love my husband very much but is it worth giving it another go and maybe getting hurt again ar should i just walk away now . i would appreciate any advice anyone can give me thanks for listening mandy(podge)
LifesontheUp Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 Whether you give him another chance will be something only you can decide. But I would advise you to take your time over this decision and not make any knee jerk reactions. It took me 6 months of all sorts of mixed emotions before I knew what I really wanted to do. First of all you need to get to the bottom of why your husband did this. If he wants to make this up to you he needs to come clean about what has been going on and attend counselling to find out why he had this affair. He also has to show remorse and that he is willing to work on your marriage. He should be showing you 110% committment and nothing less.
justice Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 From what you wrote of his behavior when you caught him, I'd say he's done this before. I'd ask him for complete and brutal honesty and if he doesn't give it to you, then you should dump his sorry, cheating butt.
cj1988 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 I agree, when they smile they know they are caught and feel stupid for a SECOND. That smile really shows how much he DOES NOT CARE about what he was doing. This man was making plans to leave you for that skank in his car, now he wants to come home? He is playing you both......telling her he is leaving knowing good and damn well he was not going to.....HE IS A COMPLETE LIAR and you dserve better.....if he does NOT show MAJOR remorse, kiss your ASS and back.....get out !
Cobra_X30 Posted November 20, 2007 Posted November 20, 2007 So, he is a chinese food delivery guy? I'm sorry to say this, but if you dump him... if you cant love him anymore. I dont think your losing much.
White Flower Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 last wednesday i caught my husband of 18yrs cheating on me Originally posted by lifesontheup> First of all you need to get to the bottom of why your husband did this. If he wants to make this up to you he needs to come clean about what has been going on and attend counselling to find out why he had this affair. He also has to show remorse and that he is willing to work on your marriage. Just wanted to point out that this is one of the reasons so many argue about how we treat men and women differently. If this were a woman who cheated, the guys would be saying, "Dump the unfaithful b****", but we always "want to get down the the reason for male cheater. I want all of us to get down to the reason for all cheaters, FWIW. Other than that, good post lifesontheup! Good luck, podge. I like what Cobra said about not losing much...
Tomcat33 Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Originally posted by lifesontheup> First of all you need to get to the bottom of why your husband did this. If he wants to make this up to you he needs to come clean about what has been going on and attend counselling to find out why he had this affair. He also has to show remorse and that he is willing to work on your marriage. Just wanted to point out that this is one of the reasons so many argue about how we treat men and women differently. If this were a woman who cheated, the guys would be saying, "Dump the unfaithful b****", but we always "want to get down the the reason for male cheater. I want all of us to get down to the reason for all cheaters, FWIW. Other than that, good post lifesontheup! Good luck, podge. I like what Cobra said about not losing much... SO true! You should see how much he is willing to confess and find out exactly how long this has been going on and who the other woman is. why he did this and then asses your next steps from that. I'm sorry as this must be so hard on you right now.
wizer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Originally posted by lifesontheup> Just wanted to point out that this is one of the reasons so many argue about how we treat men and women differently. If this were a woman who cheated, the guys would be saying, "Dump the unfaithful b****", but we always "want to get down the the reason for male cheater. Well, that's probably true. Not surprisingly, guys will tend to support other guys and blast the woman who cheats, while the women will do the same to the guys who cheat on their wives. There are several internet forums, designed primarily for women...one in particular where I have spent some time...and these women will band together, and even agree to help each other in real life to destroy the lives and careers of cheating men...even without knowing the real story. So it works both ways...probably an even wash in the long run. And yes, I agree with White Flower that it's a good idea to find out the whys, without jumping in for revenge right off the bat.
bish Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Originally posted by lifesontheup> First of all you need to get to the bottom of why your husband did this. If he wants to make this up to you he needs to come clean about what has been going on and attend counselling to find out why he had this affair. He also has to show remorse and that he is willing to work on your marriage. Just wanted to point out that this is one of the reasons so many argue about how we treat men and women differently. If this were a woman who cheated, the guys would be saying, "Dump the unfaithful b****", but we always "want to get down the the reason for male cheater. I want all of us to get down to the reason for all cheaters, FWIW. Other than that, good post lifesontheup! Well then ya haven't read many of my posts...cuz I don't care if its a man or woman...ALL cheaters need to be dumped. And I don't give a shiit about the "reason" they cheated....what matters is they did and don't deserve 2nd chances.
White Flower Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Well, that's probably true. Not surprisingly, guys will tend to support other guys and blast the woman who cheats, while the women will do the same to the guys who cheat on their wives. There are several internet forums, designed primarily for women...one in particular where I have spent some time...and these women will band together, and even agree to help each other in real life to destroy the lives and careers of cheating men...even without knowing the real story. So it works both ways...probably an even wash in the long run. And yes, I agree with White Flower that it's a good idea to find out the whys, without jumping in for revenge right off the bat. Ya know, Wizer, I really have a whole new respect for you. We've come a long way since this morning. And Bish, I really hope for your sake that one day you can learn to forgive. Not for the other person, but so you can go on with your life in peace and joy.:)I really mean that.
LifesontheUp Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 It doesn't matter whether the cheater is male or female. Every relationship is unique in itself and from my experience it is never good to make a knee jerk reaction but take time to make a decision. The advice I give would also depend on the circumstances and past history of the relationship. For myself, I wouldn't take my xH back after his affair. To me, if you can treat me with such dis-respect then I don't want to know you. But that doesn't mean that should apply to every other relationship where infidelity has occurred. If people are willing to try and work through the betrayal then that is entirely their choice.
bish Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 And Bish, I really hope for your sake that one day you can learn to forgive. Not for the other person, but so you can go on with your life in peace and joy.:)I really mean that. Saying all cheaters need to be dumped and deserve no 2nd chances.....and forgiveness are completely different things. You can still dump and forgive...you can still decide not to give a 2nd chance and forgive. Having said that...will I forgive my xW for destroying my kids lives? no.
wizer Posted November 21, 2007 Posted November 21, 2007 Ya know, Wizer, I really have a whole new respect for you. We've come a long way since this morning. The feeling is mutual, honey.
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